jakec

Second post in one day, but I really frigin' pissed off right now.

I made a facebook status saying: "Forever trying to stay sober while surrounded by alcohol at family parties, fml.. at least I'm 38 days sober!

And my one "friend", well I should actually say former person I used to smoke pot with comments on it and says "There's a reason alcohol is legal, and it's not meth, so drink uppppp.

Out of rage and impulse I replied: "F*ck off. You are probably the most un-supportive person in my life; you know NOTHING about what I go through. If I "
drank up" I would turn into a bitchy alcoholic like your mother.

I've explained to her SO many times about how I cant just smoke a little pot or drink occasionally. Yet she is still convinced that I'm choosing to get out of control and use hard drugs. She laughed and found it halarious when I told her about my crystal meth binge and told me my life had turned into an Ellen Hopkins book..

I know she's not an addict so she wouldn't understand, and I know what I said was out of hand, but I just can't take it anymore, this anger I've had towards her has been building up for so long..

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

God help me.

Dee74

I think FB is possibly the worst place to look for, much less find, understanding of our situation Jake.

Personally, I think you're better leaning on the support here and in NA.

D

PurpleKnight

Hey Jake, there are always going to be people that just don't get it! they will be the "friends" that fall by the wayside, you gotta cut loose those that are not with you in your sobriety, and believe me, there will be many!

Staying sober is your priority, anyone that jeopardises that, it's time to get rid, you gotta do what you gotta do to remain Sober!!

I wish you all the best!!

Seabee

There are waaaaaaaay more people who will live their entire life without realizing that they have a real problem than there are people who figure it out. FB is dumb IMO. A breeding ground for drama, which I don't need....

EndGameNYC

Amen to that.

If I want to suffer abuse, I can just go back to drinking.

Inca

Yeah, I had a couple friends like that who didn't quite understand. Even one who asked me when my treatment would be over because it was disrupting her social schedule lol. Those friends are now in my "outer circle". See them a couple times a year at gatherings and that's about it! I've built a great group of supportive friends within the program that are not only supportive, but would be there for me at the drop of a hat if I was considering drinking. I'd build a support group like that and wean out the friends that act as you described.

KristyCat

A lot of people just don't get it, no matter how much you try to explain. OR they WANT you to go back to drinking b/c it makes THEM feel better about their own drug/alcohol use. **** 'em haha. But really...it's good to cut them out of your life or just be "casual" friends with people who don't support you.

LadyinBC

Personally I stay off Facebook. I have never really understood the appeal of it.

The longer I have stayed sober and worked on myself, the less that things like this bother me. Things that use to peeve me off, no longer have that affect on me. Believe me things could bother me in a matter a minutes and looking back I let them so I would have an excuse to drink. But I am just talking about me here, I am not saying that this what you are doing.

It takes time, but you can disengage yourself form this stuff and learn to not let it bother you. Don't let other people comments have power over you. And remember what other people think of you is none of your business!

malcolmsloan

I've read a few threads here pertaining to unsupportive friends and family members, and I even had my own encounter today with such lack of understanding and what I feel is a lack of compassion and emphathy. Must be something going around. Or, as suggested, perhaps there will always be people who just don't get it, a sad reality I guess we must prepare to deal with.
Facebook, I'm not going to get on my soap box, but I do want to influence everyone to have an open mind and do some research about the arguments for and against the use of-and existence of-FB. Read and think for yourself. This is something that needs to be questioned, analyzed, and debated.

ReadyAndAble

First off, good for you coming here, to let off some of the steam.

I know how frustrating it is that our friends and relatives could be so clueless about something so central to our lives, and even worse, dismissive of it.. It's absurd that anonymous strangers "get it" when the people in our lives don't. Eventually I came to realize that it's not their fault. It's like trying to explain colors to someone who's never seen them, you know?

Seabee

Those people were the first removed from my life...They never missed me and I never missed them!

Tamerua

Congrats on your 38 days!! I don't post anything about recovery on FB, people won't understand because they either don't have a problem or they do and aren't dealing with it. I would suggest removing your comment, maybe even hers. She may not get it, but lashing out isn't a way to show you're getting better.

ScottFromWI

I deleted my FB account a couple years ago. You won't miss a thing other than bs, drama and vanity. I highly recommend it.

foolsgold66

Those who are not supportive of our goals for improving our lives are not friends.

Carlotta

Completely agree. I do not post about recovery, aside from you guys and people from AA only my two best friends know.
I have over 2,000 facebook friends, sometimes some of them post and are either blunt or it is evident they are waaaayyy wasted.
Is there a possibility your friend might have been a bit tipsy? Not to excuse her being insensitive but if she was drunk, she might have felt she was spreading the Holiday cheer.
On another note, let me guess Tamerua...you use facebook to post Grumpy Cat memes, right?

PS: I have right now a FB friend whom I know from real life who is counting days and just got 30. I posted my heartfelt congratulations without outing myself. Good for her, but for me it is a private matter. I would not do it.

NoJimmy

I have considered that. I have many friends who drink regularly but not as excessively as I did. They are overweight, unhealthy and aged beyond their years. But will probably never have a problem significant enough to make them quit.

I partake in FB, but I don't share things as personal as sobriety. FB can be a mess, I've seen people post crazy weird dirty laundry on there.

ReadyAtLast

I agree with Dee. FB is no place for support. I closed my FB account when I got sober as had enough of the drama,egotistical nonsense and and all the 'happy/mylife is so wonderful' posts.

Ive learnt that me getting angry only hurts me and causes me resentment,likely leading me back to drinking. Let it go. People don't understand but what other peopl think or feel is not your problem or your concern. Congrats on your sober time

1newcreation

Was up jake
I'm w/ Scott n others on this;haven't been on fb in bout 2 yrs n that's even when was still out there! Didn't see the appeal to it then & not now def being sober for sure. That's why 11th tradition is important;it's not so much that your maybe not going around saying you're in aa but the sec you mention how many days sober, majority people will think recovery/aa. So then they'll be "waiting" for you to slip up & claim program doesn't work yet you were "touting" that it does. Get a new set of friends who want a wonderful way of living & show that it is possible to enjoy life w/o alc

Tang

FB is a plague upon humanity. Frequently I hear people tell me the ridiculous superficial drama that arises on there because people say things to others they would NEVER say face to face. I believe that electronic barrier is just enough for people to feel devoid of responsibility for harsh words. It turns adults into adolescents. Ugh sorry I hate FB.

DarkDays

Let's take a picture of the glass of wine I am going to drink and post it in fB , lol. This is what I laugh at every day on FB , people trapped and obsessed about alcoHELL .

Poor people , ba ba ba.