riverbluebell

I spent half the day today reading posts on this site, and feeling frightened, but encouraged.

I'm 54 years old and a wine boozer. I started drinking wine at about 35 years old. For almost 20 years, I kept myself at two glasses a night 90% of the time, and 3-4 glasses the other 10% of of the time. But I NEEDED and LOVED the wine, and I always knew that I was in danger of a downhill slide. This year, I have begin that path downward. I start dating a guy who is an enabler, and frequently offers to "take me out for some wine." I've started drinking wine at lunch, as well as dinner. I've been drunk 4-5 times this year. I've experienced memory lapses. My love of wine, my need for it, is growing.

I haven't decided to quit, but I know I need to. I thought if I wrote this down, it would help me see things more clearly. I'm not drinking today. It's been good reading other people's stories. Merry Christmas to all of you.

Dee74

Hi and welcome riverbluebell

I've never regretted quitting - I got my life, and my self back

D

PurpleKnight

This website is amazing, just being around people who understand is a great source of energy and inspiration.

The thing is though, once you start thinking about is alcohol a problem or maybe it's become a habit, that's usually a sign that you've already concluded something might need to change, if so this is a great place for support!

Merry Xmas!

riverbluebell

Yes, it's a problem in my life. Period. My sister is a hardcore alcoholic, and her "addictive voice" had taken over, completely. That's what I am so afraid of. Crossing a point of "no return." I can feel myself slipping in that direction.

I have been lurking on this site for months. I thought, "Just by reading on this site, I am keeping myself open to information. Keeping a discussion open, in my head." There is no such discussion in my sister's head, and it's scary to see. She says, "I don't have a problem, period." Even as she drinks herself to death.

Thank you for your support. It means a lot to me.

Hevyn

Welcome riverbluebell! It's great to have you here with us.

Very wise of you to see where this is going. Instead of reaching out for help I tried to use willpower to control what I drank. I soon found myself drinking all day - I was completely dependent on it. This won't be you.

KateL

Welcome Riverbluebell xxx

Marcher13

Welcome riverbluebell. Our stories are so alike, the wine in the evening, some nights more glasses than other nights, waking dry and parched with a headache and sometimes outright vomiting. I thought I was ok until I had a fright with a swollen ankle, I thought it was gout and I was terrified of my dirty little alcoholic secret getting out. It wasn't gout but the fright got me googling, I got here to SR and stopped drinking on March 9th this year.

At 58 my health has improved out of sight, all the niggling aches and pains have gone, the headaches, the pains in the back of my knees, the IBS, the reflux -- all gone and I'm energetic and well. This can be your story too.

Anna

Welcome, and it's so good that you see what is happening in your life. I do hope you decide to stop drinking.

riverbluebell

Thanks for the vote of confidence. I don't want to go down that dark path. Even now, I am craving wine, missing it. Every night without wine is long and difficult for me. I have been using willpower (all my strength) to hold this at bay for 20 years, but now I can feel it's hold tightening on me.

Thank you so much for your post. Merry Christmas!

riverbluebell

Wow. That's amazing. You're almost at a year. I will tell you, even the act of writing any of this down is causing me quite a bit of inner turmoil. "Addictive voice" running wild. And yes, I have lots of aches and pains, and general anxiety, that are probably being aggravated by alcohol (in spite of the short-term relief every night). The truth is, I am just sick of the dependency, the constant NEED. I feel like a vampire hungering for blood.

Renarde

Welcome! It is possible to live happily without alcohol. I have four months today and I am so happy I went down the recovery path. You will find so much support here!