Eldy

I have been battling alcoholism for many years. I've had periods of sobriety usually in increments of 9 months with a one or two day slip in between. One problem I have his my wife. It's a second marriage that I kind of rushed into. We just don't get along. She is a very controlling person and very bossy. I find myself trying to be quiet and tiptoe around the house to try to keep piece in the house. I'm in my mid-fifties and don't know if I feel like starting all over by myself. I know it's hard to give an opinion on this but I am so frustrated. We had another big fight today because I wanted to get popcorn at the movie theater and she feels it's too expensive and that I don't need it. I'm 53 years old! Sounds stupid I know but this the normal thing I go thru on a day to day basis. I probably would have drank today but it's Christmas and nothing is open. What should I do? Where do I go from here?

Dee74

Hi Eldy

I'm sorry that things are difficult for you.

I'm not one to give marriage advice tho - have you tried talking to your wife about how this makes you feel?

D

hypochondriac

Can you treat your marriage issues and alcoholism separately Eldy? That was something which helped me. I found that any issues in my daily life only served to justify my addiction. I would only say that you can only manage your own actions and reactions. If your wife knows how you feel and still is controlling then don't allow her to control you. Buy that popcorn damn it! You're 53 years old man x

PurpleKnight

Here's the deal, if your wife is supportive or unsupportive, it makes no difference, you still need to push through and do what you gotta do, and that is be Sober!

. . . and for gods sake, have that popcorn!!

Seabee

I think me and you are in the same boat Eldy. I think hypo has a good point and I am going to have to attack the two issues separately. If she isn't down for that, I am afraid I only have one choice. If I continue to drink, I will wind up dead or in prison.

I understand how you feel though. Being alone is scary. At least for me anyway. But at the same time, I want to, and need to be strong enough to stand on my own.

EndGameNYC

It's never just about the popcorn.

Talking things through with your wife, couples therapy, and then...Who knows?

There are worse things in life than being alone.

IWillWin

Yup. I second that is it never just about the popcorn.

Sometimes we hold on to relationships for all the wrong reasons. I say this as one who does exactly that. It's time for mine to end but the collateral damage seems insurmountable. So I'm facing it one day at a time now that I've got over a year of sobriety (minus a 2 glass of wine blackout slip...I still can explain that one!) and it's now time to start making those life changes necessary to be happy sober. When I was drinking it was easy to ignore the obvious. Now, not so much.

Try what you need to in order to save your relationship. If its not meant to be that will become evident. Good luck!!

DoPerdition

I would suggest you look into counseling. You can go individually if you want which can help with your alcoholism and if your wife is open to it, it would be good to find a marriage counselor as well.

If she isn't open to it, you should discuss your options with your counselor. I am a strong advocate for therapy.

advbike

I was with someone who was bossy and argumentative for years and it was very draining. It definitely was easier to keep drinking in that situation but that kept me from facing up to the reality of it, so it dragged on, which just hurt her worse. And she is basically a fine person, whom I admire in many ways, but the two of us together just didn't work. There was also no healthy communication or discussion because she would argue every point, even when I avoided pointing fingers. Eventually I moved out, and without the stress of the situation I have been able to get sober. I really feel for you man but put your sobriety first here. And buy the popcorn if you want it.