A progressive disease
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 297
A progressive disease
Today I am 39 days sober and feeling so many conflicting feelings.
I am grateful that I have been given the desire to stop drinking. If is already better and more manageable. I never thought I could have a life without alcohol but it turns out it is possible.
The scary part is how obvious it is not that alcoholism is a disease. Now that I am "starving" the beast, my AV is going into overdrive. I hear my AV say things like "just a glass of wine" or "eggnog is okay because you don't like it and won't drink very much". I am actually sad that I can't have a glass of red wine even though I know what it was doing to my health.
This disease wants to kill me. I know that it will kill me if I go back to drinking. I feel like I saved my own life by stopping but it is scary to realize that the disease is still there, lurking and waiting for my defenses to drop.
Do you feel like your alcoholism continues to grow even when you stop drinking? On the plus side, it is making me much less interested in even testing my ability to drink because I don't want to end up worse off down the road and unable to stop again.
I am grateful that I have been given the desire to stop drinking. If is already better and more manageable. I never thought I could have a life without alcohol but it turns out it is possible.
The scary part is how obvious it is not that alcoholism is a disease. Now that I am "starving" the beast, my AV is going into overdrive. I hear my AV say things like "just a glass of wine" or "eggnog is okay because you don't like it and won't drink very much". I am actually sad that I can't have a glass of red wine even though I know what it was doing to my health.
This disease wants to kill me. I know that it will kill me if I go back to drinking. I feel like I saved my own life by stopping but it is scary to realize that the disease is still there, lurking and waiting for my defenses to drop.
Do you feel like your alcoholism continues to grow even when you stop drinking? On the plus side, it is making me much less interested in even testing my ability to drink because I don't want to end up worse off down the road and unable to stop again.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Burien WA.
Posts: 2,893
Good for you, keep it up, I don't know if people ever completely quit thinking about drinking but I hope so, I think about it a lot less after 6 weeks but the holidays and holiday parties and invitations to "meet for a few" are making me pray for strength.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi. I was told when I arrived at the fellowship that things take time. It took me xxx years of abusive drinking and it will take me awhile to recover from the damages alcohol inflicted. The thing is it did get better when I let it and stopped drinking.
BE WELL
BE WELL
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,643
Hi DoPerdition. Congratulations on 39 days.
I argue with my av quite a lot, good thing is, I always win. I go through hundreds of different scenarios where it involves me partaking of alcohol, then pleased as it was just a dream or nightmare.
I argue with my av quite a lot, good thing is, I always win. I go through hundreds of different scenarios where it involves me partaking of alcohol, then pleased as it was just a dream or nightmare.
Better when never is never
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
Alcoholism is progressive in its effects. As one ages, one becomes more susceptible to the impacts of alcohol abuse, so yes, it does progress even in sobriety simply because I continue to age. For me, the cravings and obsession have not progressed over time. They have simply maintained at the lower end of the abusive scale.
Alcoholism is also progressive while drinking because the human mind and body simply cannot continue to absorb that kind of abuse and maintain their functioning. It will catch up to you eventually. The thing is, it often catches up with a furious speed.
Alcoholism is also progressive while drinking because the human mind and body simply cannot continue to absorb that kind of abuse and maintain their functioning. It will catch up to you eventually. The thing is, it often catches up with a furious speed.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Originally Posted by DoPerdition 
Today I am 39 days sober and feeling so many conflicting feelings.
I am grateful that I have been given the desire to stop drinking. If is already better and more manageable. I never thought I could have a life without alcohol but it turns out it is possible.
The scary part is how obvious it is not that alcoholism is a disease. Now that I am "starving" the beast, my AV is going into overdrive. I hear my AV say things like "just a glass of wine" or "eggnog is okay because you don't like it and won't drink very much". I am actually sad that I can't have a glass of red wine even though I know what it was doing to my health.
This disease wants to kill me. I know that it will kill me if I go back to drinking. I feel like I saved my own life by stopping but it is scary to realize that the disease is still there, lurking and waiting for my defenses to drop.
Do you feel like your alcoholism continues to grow even when you stop drinking? On the plus side, it is making me much less interested in even testing my ability to drink because I don't want to end up worse off down the road and unable to stop again.
I am grateful that I have been given the desire to stop drinking. If is already better and more manageable. I never thought I could have a life without alcohol but it turns out it is possible.
The scary part is how obvious it is not that alcoholism is a disease. Now that I am "starving" the beast, my AV is going into overdrive. I hear my AV say things like "just a glass of wine" or "eggnog is okay because you don't like it and won't drink very much". I am actually sad that I can't have a glass of red wine even though I know what it was doing to my health.
This disease wants to kill me. I know that it will kill me if I go back to drinking. I feel like I saved my own life by stopping but it is scary to realize that the disease is still there, lurking and waiting for my defenses to drop.
Do you feel like your alcoholism continues to grow even when you stop drinking? On the plus side, it is making me much less interested in even testing my ability to drink because I don't want to end up worse off down the road and unable to stop again.
In terms of your mind or AV - if your like me and drank heavily for 20+ years we have rewired our brains to the point that we crave the alcohol for dopamine release. We have been brainwashed that the booze and drugs (for me) will provide happiness to feel good. It takes time to rewire the neuro transmitters.
At 39 days I has just coming out of a pink cloud and was tested in month two and month three. In fact, I had not yet admitted truly that I was an alcoholic and that I was not going to drink again. What I have learned now is that alcohol was merely a symptom that became its own problem of much bigger issues that I struggle with.
I believe that I suffered from a physical (sobriety deal with this), mental, and spiritual illness/disease. SO I needed to put in place a recovery program to deal with all three. As I have implemented and executed on this program, which is a perpetuity my obsessions have been lifted.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Central Massachusetts
Posts: 2,051
Originally Posted by jazzfish
Alcoholism is progressive in its effects. As one ages, one becomes more susceptible to the impacts of alcohol abuse, so yes, it does progress even in sobriety simply because I continue to age. For me, the cravings and obsession have not progressed over time. They have simply maintained at the lower end of the abusive scale.
Alcoholism is also progressive while drinking because the human mind and body simply cannot continue to absorb that kind of abuse and maintain their functioning. It will catch up to you eventually. The thing is, it often catches up with a furious speed.
Alcoholism is also progressive while drinking because the human mind and body simply cannot continue to absorb that kind of abuse and maintain their functioning. It will catch up to you eventually. The thing is, it often catches up with a furious speed.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,949
Originally Posted by jazzfish
Alcoholism is progressive in its effects. As one ages, one becomes more susceptible to the impacts of alcohol abuse, so yes, it does progress even in sobriety simply because I continue to age. For me, the cravings and obsession have not progressed over time. They have simply maintained at the lower end of the abusive scale.
Alcoholism is also progressive while drinking because the human mind and body simply cannot continue to absorb that kind of abuse and maintain their functioning. It will catch up to you eventually. The thing is, it often catches up with a furious speed.
Alcoholism is also progressive while drinking because the human mind and body simply cannot continue to absorb that kind of abuse and maintain their functioning. It will catch up to you eventually. The thing is, it often catches up with a furious speed.
Yes I don't think believing that the "beast" becomes stronger in sobriety helps. Progressive to me just means we age and can't handle the abuse like we used to regardless if we are drinking or not
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
Hi do
With the AV I think it helps to remember - the addictive urge has no arms, no legs, no mouth, no brain - it needs your body, it needs you to capitulate to survive.
If you refuse to do that, steadfastly..the urge is powerless. You're in control.
Try not to engage those thoughts. Wrestling with them grants the urge oxygen.
If you have a random thought about drinking would be good - dismiss it as a lie.
Our fear is a mighty fuel - but if you never feed your alcoholism again, terms like progression are meaningless
Just as we obsessed about drinking, we can obsess about not drinking for a while too - but it passes and things get better. Staying busy and productive helps. I find support helps, so keep reaching out here too.
You can do this DP
Happy Xmas
D
With the AV I think it helps to remember - the addictive urge has no arms, no legs, no mouth, no brain - it needs your body, it needs you to capitulate to survive.
If you refuse to do that, steadfastly..the urge is powerless. You're in control.
Try not to engage those thoughts. Wrestling with them grants the urge oxygen.
If you have a random thought about drinking would be good - dismiss it as a lie.
Our fear is a mighty fuel - but if you never feed your alcoholism again, terms like progression are meaningless
Just as we obsessed about drinking, we can obsess about not drinking for a while too - but it passes and things get better. Staying busy and productive helps. I find support helps, so keep reaching out here too.
You can do this DP
Happy Xmas
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 297
Originally Posted by Dee74
Just as we obsessed about drinking, we can obsess about not drinking for a while too - but it passes and things get better. Staying busy and productive helps. I find support helps, so keep reaching out here too.
D
D
Thank you everyone for your responses! A Happy and a Merry to all!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 553
Yes, I feel like the disease continues to grow. It's lurking there just waiting for a moment of weakness and then it will move in. When I get squirly, I know I have to do more to keep the AV under wraps before it sneaks in further. I step up the prayers, spend more time on here, reach out to more people, or go to a meeting. I don't want to let the AV get the best of me. It's a baffling, cunning, evil little devil that needs to stay under wraps for the rest of my life.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
I don't think that the AV continues to grow, even in sobriety. One thing I learned is that the AV is just a thought and it doesn't control you. You can be aware of the thought or feeling, recognize it for what it is, and just let it go. Doing so empowers you.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
When you finally decide you will never drink again, the AV shrinks to a dot. No width, length or breadth. No substance.
Arguing with it, struggling with it, fearing it, all of these involve you inside the addictive urge, and this is not necessary. We can just step aside, and let it go thundering by with no more impact than a whoosh of air. Separation from the AV, something that happens when you decide to never drink no matter what, allows it to be and us to be without any muss or fuss.
The chain of events goes like this:
1). I never drink, no matter what.
2). AV: "But blah blah blah blahblah. Blah blah."
3). Go back to 1.
Then get on with your fine self. Onward!
Arguing with it, struggling with it, fearing it, all of these involve you inside the addictive urge, and this is not necessary. We can just step aside, and let it go thundering by with no more impact than a whoosh of air. Separation from the AV, something that happens when you decide to never drink no matter what, allows it to be and us to be without any muss or fuss.
The chain of events goes like this:
1). I never drink, no matter what.
2). AV: "But blah blah blah blahblah. Blah blah."
3). Go back to 1.
Then get on with your fine self. Onward!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Originally Posted by freshstart57
When you finally decide you will never drink again, the AV shrinks to a dot. No width, length or breadth. No substance.
Arguing with it, struggling with it, fearing it, all of these involve you inside the addictive urge, and this is not necessary. We can just step aside, and let it go thundering by with no more impact than a whoosh of air. Separation from the AV, something that happens when you decide to never drink no matter what, allows it to be and us to be without any muss or fuss.
The chain of events goes like this:
1). I never drink, no matter what.
2). AV: "But blah blah blah blahblah. Blah blah."
3). Go back to 1.
Then get on with your fine self. Onward!
Arguing with it, struggling with it, fearing it, all of these involve you inside the addictive urge, and this is not necessary. We can just step aside, and let it go thundering by with no more impact than a whoosh of air. Separation from the AV, something that happens when you decide to never drink no matter what, allows it to be and us to be without any muss or fuss.
The chain of events goes like this:
1). I never drink, no matter what.
2). AV: "But blah blah blah blahblah. Blah blah."
3). Go back to 1.
Then get on with your fine self. Onward!
Nice comment FS!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: My city of ruins...
Posts: 593
The AV is like a doggie with separation anxiety. Eventually, with diligence, even it can be retaught behaviors that are appropriate.
Time and patience and steadfast commitment are key - just as it is heartbreaking to leave a dog whining and crying with no attention it is equally difficult to leave the AV doing the same.
That's how I think of it anyway
Time and patience and steadfast commitment are key - just as it is heartbreaking to leave a dog whining and crying with no attention it is equally difficult to leave the AV doing the same.
That's how I think of it anyway
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Daytona Beach, FL
Posts: 425
Originally Posted by jdooner
I believe that I suffered from a physical (sobriety deal with this), mental, and spiritual illness/disease. SO I needed to put in place a recovery program to deal with all three. As I have implemented and executed on this program, which is a perpetuity my obsessions have been lifted.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
My alcoholism wants me dead whether or not I am drinking. I needed to find a new solution.
There are several solutions available today!
The one thing that has worked for several hundreds of years is when one alcoholic reaches out to help another alcoholic.....
Happy Holidays!!!!
There are several solutions available today!
The one thing that has worked for several hundreds of years is when one alcoholic reaches out to help another alcoholic.....
Happy Holidays!!!!
2Cor5:17
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Between Doctor's opinion & pg 164
Posts: 4,187
Hi do
1st of congrats on mth n half sobriety; my suggestion @ this time is go to an alcathon either @ your home group or somewhere else...they have doors open 24/7 on thxgvg, Christmas & new yrs...DON'T be alone on these days coz this disease will talk to you loud & clear. I'm sure you don't want to waste what you've worked for
Best wishes
1st of congrats on mth n half sobriety; my suggestion @ this time is go to an alcathon either @ your home group or somewhere else...they have doors open 24/7 on thxgvg, Christmas & new yrs...DON'T be alone on these days coz this disease will talk to you loud & clear. I'm sure you don't want to waste what you've worked for
Best wishes
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
The obsession with the whole issue settled down after three months or so for me.
Two years down the track the AV is still there "at times" it really doesn't bother me that much- and as long as you can recognise that type of thinking for what it is- it's not a big deal. Some people (eg diabetes )have to do a lot more work to keep their health in balance- in the end my issue boils down to "drinking a known toxin is a bad idea" no matter how it is dressed up.
Two years down the track the AV is still there "at times" it really doesn't bother me that much- and as long as you can recognise that type of thinking for what it is- it's not a big deal. Some people (eg diabetes )have to do a lot more work to keep their health in balance- in the end my issue boils down to "drinking a known toxin is a bad idea" no matter how it is dressed up.
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