ForestRunner

Actually an "AV" thing? I work from 6:30-4:00, then pick up kids, go to market, cook dinner, sit down to homework, then usually watch a show or two with them before they go to bed, usually at ten. I think my continued drinking, which usually starts late evening, when "I've had enough!" Is a way of checking out-- getting some "alone" time. I've been horribly sick all weekend and I lashed out at my children just now, insisting they go to bed so I can "get some sleep", "be alone"... My husband is an architect and works long hours so I don't rely on him too much to take over child responsibilities. Sometimes I just fantasize about "running away", like Julianne Moore in "The Hours".

Suekie

I like being alone, always have, but I also enjoy the company of others as well. Since becoming sober I *need* to be alone for a couple hours at some point during the day.. a pretty difficult feat when I work full time and have 2 young children and a husband I don't remember needing it THIS much before because, like you said, I numbed myself with wine. The days I'm able to get that alone time, I'm in a good mood. The days when I am unable (more often than not), it's challenging. Luckily, my husband is very supportive and sometimes I will just say, I need to decompress and I will come in our room and zone out either on the computer (like am now), my phone or just staring at the ceiling, for awhile. He helps me do this as much as he's able.

ForestRunner

I wish my hubby could understand it but he doesn't. He's parched, too. Sometimes I feel like a prisoner in my own home. I can't just leave and do what I want, even if it is just going to a cafe and reading a book and losing myself for awhile. I love my family but I have completely lost hold of anything resembling myself...

Dee74

I think wanting to be alone is pretty common for most of us in the early days....it's like being sober is almost too raw to deal without dealing with everything else as well?

give yourself some time to get used to everything

D

advbike

I have always needed alone time - many of us do. There's nothing wrong with it and you need to find a way to get what you need. Just read Carl Jung (on introversion) - some of us are drained by constant interaction with others and need to recharge. Only extroverts are energized by constant social contact.

Don't understand why you can't just go to a cafe and read a book. Or maybe to a separate room with rules that certain hours are your time.

ReadyAtLast

I'm just over a year sober and still love and crave being alone.I have a 4year old so my house is never quiet and sometimes I just want to run away to a silent cave.

I realize now I'vegot sober that I'm quite a private person who enjoys being alone and silence and I've learner that there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

I drank from a young age to be more sociable and extrovert in comapny instead of just accepting and being happy with being alone. I do have friends but they are proper friends now who enjoy a similar pace of life as me and not pretending to be someone they're not.

I've just booked 5 days away in Jan alone and I can't wait .Silence, peace & not having to speak to anyone -Perfect for recharging my batteries

My husband also takes our child out a couple of times a week,even for just a couple of hours as he knows I need time. Maybe suggest this to yours?

Vandermast

hey there....

no I actually think that it is ok....getting sober in the early days at least is intense personal and overwhelming....i believe that alone time is most worthwhile....but too much isolation can be damaging and give the AV too much power....hence balance is important.

v

GracieLou

I am not sure you are going through this but when I first got sober I wanted to sow my wild oats. I did not want to drink, I wanted to experience life not drinking.

I craved freedom. The jail and the chains were gone and I wanted to high tail it into life as fast as I could. I started to resent the things and the people that I felt were in my way of that freedom.

I never felt free when I was raising my kids. Like you, I worked and did 90% of the cooking, shopping and housework so to escape, I went to the bottle.

Since I have been sober I realized I was not only free with responsibilities but I could actually enjoy the people without feeling the burden. To feel grateful and blessed. It did take some time to get there though. Be kind to yourself. Sobriety is not for the faint at heart. It takes courage and tenacity.

Take one day at a time.

Marcher13

Forestrunner, my drinking was late evening quite a lot -- after the demands of the day were over, it made getting up hellish. Early in sobriety that need to be alone became even more intense for me, it's still there but less pressing. I come here to my computer for some alone time and I usually read something enjoyable in bed for half an hour. Plan your pleasures, you can't run on duty.

MythOfSisyphus

When I drank I wanted to be alone with my booze, to drink all night without being interrupted or judged. Now after a year of being sober I still like to be alone quite a bit. Most of my habits are solitary pursuits. Don't get me wrong, I'm not misanthropic or anti-social, and I do like people. But I need to have some "me time" every day.

soberhawk

It could be paws but it could also be advbike points out a due to your personality type.

You need to respect that – we can only fight against our nature to some extend.

I have this need and tried to fight that a lot when younger, that was a mistake. I need solitude to charge up, I do plan with this today.

Can you get a babysitter for an hour (to watch the show with the kids) and go out for an hour run in the evening (just walk some of the time).

soberjim

ForestRunner..

Just read Carl Jung (on introversion) - some of us are drained by constant interaction with others and need to recharge. Only extroverts are energized by constant social contact.

This statement posted by advbike is very true...

This described me...I manage people and have frequent interact with people during the day...It drains me and I need to recharge...I woud go home and have drinks to unwind...
I now go home and make time for me ..even 1/2 hour for solitude....on the week ends I spend time by myself...to recharge....

It certainly must be more difficult for you with children....is there a way for you to build in some 'me' time each day?

EndGameNYC

Caboblanco started a similar thread on the Alcoholism forum.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ing-alone.html

marie1973

I too work full time (nights), three kids, husband, and the usual household chores...like you mentioned, I like to get everything/everyone square for the night and then pop a bottle of wine and perhaps a martini if I feel I need it.....its a vicious cycle. As a nurse who takes care of patients with pancreatitis, acute kidney failure, jaundice, DT's, you name it, I should know better and yet strangely I ignore the consequences of alcohol use.
I hope you can get some alone time, everyone needs some amount of down time and each of us have varying needs. It sounds like you need some resources/outlets. Perhaps your husband might need to be more available, where there's a will there is a way! Good luck.