Number1

Hi everyone,

I am going through my latest relapse (the third since October) and coming to terms with how much I messed up this time. My last relapse lasted a week and I have been told by my doctor to taper which I am doing. Finding it pretty difficult, but sticking in - drinking lots of juice and trying to eat. The anxiety is the worst part, constantly feeling scared and worried about the future - calling my girlfriend when she has said that we will discuss things once I am better. The physical pain is pretty bad too - tends to get worse at night. Anyway I have one more day of tappering and I intend this to be the last time I put myself through this. I know and have accepted for some time now that I can't ever drink again, I guess I need now to put words into action.

Not looking forward to the next three days, but I do feel it is now or never. I believe the trigger for my relapse was depression. For the four weeks that I was sober I was living light a hermit - no motivation at all.

Anyway I would appreciate any advice from anyone who has had similar feelings.

advbike

Hi Number1, welcome! Sounds like you have strong intentions. Do you have support? Some of us find it hard to do on our own. There is the aspect of getting through the physical detox process, but as you have discovered, the hard part is mental. Dealing with ourselves, and life sober.

There usually was a reason we drank to begin with, and sometimes those issues come right back after we take alcohol out of the picture. Hence the need for a program of recovery to deal with those issues -whether AA, RR, even regular participation on this site can be enough for some. I suggest reading more on here and you will learn a lot. Good luck and glad you came and posted.

Ghostlight1

I've had similar feelings. I feel it's importanat to get support, also.
I lived like a hermit, too. But, then again, I was either imbibing alcohol or recovering from it. I was scared of the world.
If you take alcohol out of the picture, the anxiety usualy goes along with it. I experienced horrible anxiety after drinking. I remember one time hiding in my closet I was so freaked out.
Now that I have some time behind me, the anxiety is gone.

Many of us here are recovering successfuly from alcoholism in different ways. I hope you do look into a program, or just come here and post and read.
I wish you the best.

Impurrfect

Welcome to SR Number 1!! I, too, think support is very important, however you get it. I was amazed that when I finally admitted I had a problem and reached out, I found a lot of support.

SR has been a HUGE part of my recovery, so I'm glad you're here and hope you find the same.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Kayla50

I'm going through the same thing. I'm so sad today. Just feeling this anxiety is unbareable. My skin is crawling and I need to sleep but can't. I scared of work tomorrow.

Dee74

Welcome to SR Number
I hope you'll feel better soon.

If the trigger last time was depression, have you spoken with your Dr about ways to deal with that this time at all?

D

KateL

I do hope you find some help here. It is a good place to start with lots of support. Good luck. You have realised you want to stop which is brilliant xxx

Number1

Thanks for your message. I spoke to my doctor on Friday and he advised me to taper down in the first instance. I am seeing a duty nurse tomorrow morning at an addiction centre that I have been referred to for a consultation, but they have said that I need to sober to meet the doctor there. Its confusing but in the UK to get medical treatment for alcholism (like librium) you need to on the books of a treatment centre - unless you go private ( I did this in May and lasted four months). Once your on their books and have been sober for a period of time they will then look at causes. Confusing I know!

I have been on their books for just over 5 weeks. Remained sober for 4 weeks exactly and didn't get to see the specialised doctor. I was living like a hermit during that time though and struggling, unless I was seeing my girlfriend who put a smile on my face.

It seems to be when she is away that I relapse - but I think the depression is the major trigger. Anyway I hope she can forgive me, I saw her yesterday before she travelled back home for Xmas - it had been planned for me to go with her. She's told me to concentrate on my recovery and then we can see where we stand.

Sorry for the long winded response - just pretty anxious at the moment - I guess all the lies and letting people down coming back to haunt me.

Hevyn

Welcome Number1. I'm so glad you joined us - it helps relieve the anxiety just to share your feelings here. This place has meant the world to my recovery.

I hope you're right - and this will be the last time you go through the pain of withdrawal. The misery will lighten up and you'll begin to heal. We are with you.

Thepatman

Welcome to SR Number1!

Sometimes baby steps are the only thing we can do to achieve sobriety, as long as you move forward you are closer to a happy life.

Number1

Thanks for that thepatman and I like your Ali quote!

During my rehab period it May it was regularly drilled into us that recovery and sobriety is the most important thing, looking back I know it was easy to forget this after periods of being sober for any length of time.

Thepatman

Thanks, it's the most dangerous thing of all, we start to feel really good and our addictive voice tries to convince us to drink.

Sometimes it will say: come on just one night and you can stop again tomorrow. That BS, I know if I turn the switch on, I'm doomed.

Plebboy

Welcome to SR, you will find all the support or anything you need to get out of your system here.

least

Just admitting there is a problem is the first step to solving it. I'm glad you're reaching out for support because there's a lot of support here.