HenryKrinkle

Hello SR -

I'm looking for support after getting sober (again) recently. I hung around SR for a bit 2 years ago, during the last go-around.

I'm currently on day 21 of sobriety. The first 2 weeks were no problem. No acute withdrawal, no PAWS. Week 3 has been a living nightmare. The PAWS kicked in big time. Severe anxiety and insomnia. Nothing brings me joy. Nothing is fun to do. Nothing is remotely interesting or appealing. It's a struggle to get through the day. The last time I quit I had similar symptoms. It sucks that I didn't learn my lesson the last time.

I have no interest/compulsion to drink. Drinking is the last thing on my mind. I never want to experience this again and I know that if I start drinking again, I will have to do this all over again, and I desperately do not want that. For some reason, the last time this happened, it didn't dawn on me that, if I start drinking again, I will have to go through this nightmare the next time I stop drinking. Now that it has happened again, I am keenly aware of it. I've been keeping a journal of how I've been feeling so I can read it in the future and recall, with clarity how hellish this is.

I'm reading RR and using AVRT. I'm committed to my Big Plan and I feel pretty good about that. I know that in this past 21 days of sobriety, I haven't heard from my AV and that the real challenge, just like last time, is going to be in 6 months, being able to recognize and deal with my AV when I'm feeling better.

If anyone has any spare positive thoughts they could shoot my way, feel free. I'm in need. Just reading a few posts by other people here on SR and crafting my own has helped immensely.

hypochondriac

Sounds like you are doing all the right stuff Henry. I kept a journal for a bit and I came across it the other day. I had forgotten how bad I had felt back then. What it highlighted for me though was that things improved almost on a daily basis for me. I had awful PAWS for a long time, but it did get a little better all the time. At nearly two years I am still seeing improvements. It is well worth hanging in there. Part of the problem I found was that in true addict style I wanted everything to be fixed right away. It was no coincidence that people kept telling me that maybe I was right where I needed to be. I needed to go through all that lethargy, it was part of the recovery. I did find though that there were other things I needed to do other than not drink, like eating well and exercise, but as long as you are moving in the right direction try not to worry about it too much x

girlsearching

I'm on day 26 and I'm in a pretty good place mentally. I guess the main thing for me is I was feeling physically ill. My insides were hurting, couldn't eat right, I was a mess. Physically I started feeling better almost immediately. Each day got better and I think the physical improvement helped me mentally. I just don't want to lie down at night and think "I'm going to die like this". I still have my trigger points, but I try to stay busy. This isn't too hard this time of year with shopping, getting ready for the holidays and stuff like that. I'm a little worried about January, but I plan on starting therapy after the holidays to get some tools to help me. And I read on this website a lot. I was just sick and tired of being sick and tired. I also watch my favorite movies and TV series I like and treat myself to whatever treats I want now that I can eat again. Please hang in there, you deserve it.

MemphisBlues

Great job, HK.

I wouldn't freak out on how you feel at this stage. And not to belabor labels, but I think at a few weeks in what you're experiencing isn't PAWS.

Folks I know like me who went through protracted withdrawal from benzos would state that that symptoms weren't really diagnosed until about six months out.

When I sobered up from booze, I just had a few bad weeks, maybe a month or two, and more like just not being accustomed to not drinking.

Those first weeks and even months are just rough. Yeah, we're not in acute withdrawal with the shakes or worse after a few weeks out, but just healing, which takes time.

Got luck with the Big Plan.

least

You sound like you've got things well in hand. Any time you need support or just friendship, come here, we've got plenty of both.

HenryKrinkle

I woke up today in a much better place than I have been the last week or so. After an uneventful first 2 weeks of sobriety, the anxiety kicked in, so I decided to get back on Celexa (which has helped me in the past). Ever since I did that my anxiety has been through the roof. Last night I finally remembered that Celexa can have the ridiculous side effect of actually increasing anxiety in the first week or two that you are taking it. Anyway, I'm sticking it out, trying to get through the rough, bumpy first couple of weeks. I'm feeling better today and just understanding why I was feeling extra anxious is a relief because it feels less like I am going crazy. My appetite is starting to slowly come back too, which feels so good.

I don't think I'm out of the woods yet. I know there will be rough days ahead. I just feels so good to have a day of relative sanity compared to what I was going through.

PurpleKnight

Great job on Day 21!! . . . keep pushing through Henry!!

HenryKrinkle

I got my lab results back today. Although I just went in for tests yesterday, I've been obsessing about this for the past week and it has been a major source of my anxiety. Everything looks within normal range which is a huge relief for me. I normally have anxiety and hypochondria and when you put those two things together, it's a recipe for misery. Relieved to get some good, fact based data to go on, instead of just imagining the worst case scenario in my head 24x7.