Given up giving up and now,.......giving up.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 891
Given up giving up and now,.......giving up.
I'm struggling so much. I have Peter Gabriels's "don't give up" playing on youTube on repeat. I am so so alone. I didn't get one response from my updated post to the thread I started when Mum died. My letter to my Dad, the thread was called "It's time to handover".
Just one response to let me know there is a virtual hand out there holding mine, just one. I needed that so much. I have spent the entire night making plans, ensuring my cupboards are tidy, my shoes are resting in matching pairs, my take home files from work are completed and my bedding is fresh and clean.
The word's of Kate Bush in 'don't give up" are "because you have friends".....I don't, I lost them all from the lies and behaviour of drinking. The lyrics also state "there's a place where we belong".
I don't want to, at least i'm sure part of me doesn't, i'd love to prove the power of strength and belief but with beer in hand, I think i'm giving up.
Just one response to let me know there is a virtual hand out there holding mine, just one. I needed that so much. I have spent the entire night making plans, ensuring my cupboards are tidy, my shoes are resting in matching pairs, my take home files from work are completed and my bedding is fresh and clean.
The word's of Kate Bush in 'don't give up" are "because you have friends".....I don't, I lost them all from the lies and behaviour of drinking. The lyrics also state "there's a place where we belong".
I don't want to, at least i'm sure part of me doesn't, i'd love to prove the power of strength and belief but with beer in hand, I think i'm giving up.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,733
Life, my dear friend, you've been dealt a big blow today. This after just having lost your mom so suddenly and tragically. Please be gentle with yourself right now. You're not alone - it just feels that way right now. I'm thinking about you and praying hard for you. xoxo
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
I wish I would have seen your post. I think that it is very healthy for you to express what you are going through. Sometimes my post are overlooked. I do understand. We are here you.
There is a lot of grieving taking place with you right now, and honestly the alcohol will only make things worse. I am sorry for your loss. Please know that you will be okay. You will. HUgs and love being sent your way
There is a lot of grieving taking place with you right now, and honestly the alcohol will only make things worse. I am sorry for your loss. Please know that you will be okay. You will. HUgs and love being sent your way
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 196
Life: You are not alone. I have had posts with no response and it does make you feel like an outcast. I can assure it was just bad timing because the kind folks here would never leave you hanging alone. I am not a real frequent poster but have seen the support from good people here. Keep reading. Keep posting. Keep re-playing the songs that motivate you. And most of all don't give up.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: England
Posts: 329
You are not alone. We are here to listen to you. But drinking will not make anything better or bring anyone back. This must be a terrible time for you but you are not alone . I wish you all the best and for a better 2014
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Just from a logistical standpoint Lifeplant, if you need immediate help or responses, you should consider a new thread or the chatroom. Bumping a thread that is several months old require most to read through the entire thing before responding. Hope you are doing ok today, life is hard sometimes to be sure. Being sober helps to deal with its though.
Have you ever considered local meetings? Having numbers to call in times of immediate need can also be a great thing.
Have you ever considered local meetings? Having numbers to call in times of immediate need can also be a great thing.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Paris France
Posts: 15
A big hug from paris france.
I lost my mum, dad, one sister and a brother in less rhan eight years... And 3 of them died of alcoholism..
Pls do not give up.
Life is a gift that is more powerful than dearh.
It goes on and needs you
As we do
Live your life here and now
Hic et nunc.
Pls hang on in here.
I will be following you from far away.
I lost my mum, dad, one sister and a brother in less rhan eight years... And 3 of them died of alcoholism..
Pls do not give up.
Life is a gift that is more powerful than dearh.
It goes on and needs you
As we do
Live your life here and now
Hic et nunc.
Pls hang on in here.
I will be following you from far away.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 891
You know people always talk about a "cry for help". It's almost shunned upon, disregarded, rolling eyes phenomena..........researched to death to prove that it's either more, less or neither. Well, it's not........it is literally a cry for help. I am crying for help. Before you ask, i've made the call to our 24 hour service, they've taken my number and are calling me back......it is the saturday night before christmas after all!
After all this time I'm still not It minded with the SR system, copying and pasting therefore has been the bulk of this post. It's been good, it's kept me busy.
ScottFromWI
(Quote: Just from a logistical standpoint Lifeplant, if you need immediate help or responses, you should consider a new thread or the chatroom. Bumping a thread that is several months old require most to read through the entire thing before responding. Quote)
This is my original post:
It's time to handover
My Mum passed away today. I live far from home. I'm supposed to be flying back but my flight is currently 5 hours delayed, it has given me ample time for thinking. I've written a letter to my Dad, I hope you will bear with me.
Dear Dad,
I'm sorry to give you this terrible news, Mum passed away today. It was completely unexpected, I trust you hadn't been informed of her impending arrival. She spoke about you so fondly, never a bad word about you was spoken....she did get a little frustrated with me sometimes though, as I always wanted to know more about you She wasn't angry, I think she was just tired from repetition. I didn't need convinced Dad, I knew you were a special man but it meant so much more to hear her say it again and again and again and again.....I dreamed of meeting you.
She's a pretty special person Dad, you'd be so impressed with how strong she remained bringing me up as a single parent after you were gone. I have spent time thinking of that over the years, I don't believe I could be that strong. I wonder sometimes what you were both thinking walking down that wedding isle, both acutely aware of how little time together you both would have. I'm sad today Dad. I'm very very sad but that sadness is touched by a little glimmering light. You barely had enough time to get to know each other before you were parted. I have been very fortunate to have spent 40 years in your beautiful wifes company, it doesn't seem fair does that Dad. I got to spend so much longer with her than you did. Take care of her Dad, I know you will, she's on her way to you now. May you both enjoy every moment together. I've intended on staying behind for a while longer, but neither of you will ever be far away from my thoughts.
This is what I posted today:
I thought of starting a new thread but I don't want to go through the whole story again. I apologise for bumping this, but I need an outlet.
The Marchers 2013 (my original class) seem to be going through a pretty hard time at the moment, there have been many loses in a variety of ways, alive or dead, it seems many are doing it tough, therefore for me to break yet more news doesn't seem right. But I feel I need to 'speak' so to say to someone.
The man arrested at the time of Mum's death has taken his own life. I found out 10 minutes ago. I was due to fly home to for the court case in January, saves me a trip I suppose, i'd been worried about the cash-flow. How ironic, the drink driver killer of a mother of a daughter who's been a drink driver takes the 'get out free card!'
It's so ironic because I value every day in my heart and head that I was caught before killing someone. I'm no different from him. The thoughts that must have gone through his head this past 7 months. The pain his family and friends are going through right now. The anger and frustration I feel at a lack of justice.
I actually don't think I have ever understood the definition of irony as much as I do tonight.
May this man and my Mum both rest in peace. Welcome him like you welcomed Mum Dad, I know you will.
Your daughter
J
After all this time I'm still not It minded with the SR system, copying and pasting therefore has been the bulk of this post. It's been good, it's kept me busy.
ScottFromWI
(Quote: Just from a logistical standpoint Lifeplant, if you need immediate help or responses, you should consider a new thread or the chatroom. Bumping a thread that is several months old require most to read through the entire thing before responding. Quote)
This is my original post:
It's time to handover
My Mum passed away today. I live far from home. I'm supposed to be flying back but my flight is currently 5 hours delayed, it has given me ample time for thinking. I've written a letter to my Dad, I hope you will bear with me.
Dear Dad,
I'm sorry to give you this terrible news, Mum passed away today. It was completely unexpected, I trust you hadn't been informed of her impending arrival. She spoke about you so fondly, never a bad word about you was spoken....she did get a little frustrated with me sometimes though, as I always wanted to know more about you She wasn't angry, I think she was just tired from repetition. I didn't need convinced Dad, I knew you were a special man but it meant so much more to hear her say it again and again and again and again.....I dreamed of meeting you.
She's a pretty special person Dad, you'd be so impressed with how strong she remained bringing me up as a single parent after you were gone. I have spent time thinking of that over the years, I don't believe I could be that strong. I wonder sometimes what you were both thinking walking down that wedding isle, both acutely aware of how little time together you both would have. I'm sad today Dad. I'm very very sad but that sadness is touched by a little glimmering light. You barely had enough time to get to know each other before you were parted. I have been very fortunate to have spent 40 years in your beautiful wifes company, it doesn't seem fair does that Dad. I got to spend so much longer with her than you did. Take care of her Dad, I know you will, she's on her way to you now. May you both enjoy every moment together. I've intended on staying behind for a while longer, but neither of you will ever be far away from my thoughts.
This is what I posted today:
I thought of starting a new thread but I don't want to go through the whole story again. I apologise for bumping this, but I need an outlet.
The Marchers 2013 (my original class) seem to be going through a pretty hard time at the moment, there have been many loses in a variety of ways, alive or dead, it seems many are doing it tough, therefore for me to break yet more news doesn't seem right. But I feel I need to 'speak' so to say to someone.
The man arrested at the time of Mum's death has taken his own life. I found out 10 minutes ago. I was due to fly home to for the court case in January, saves me a trip I suppose, i'd been worried about the cash-flow. How ironic, the drink driver killer of a mother of a daughter who's been a drink driver takes the 'get out free card!'
It's so ironic because I value every day in my heart and head that I was caught before killing someone. I'm no different from him. The thoughts that must have gone through his head this past 7 months. The pain his family and friends are going through right now. The anger and frustration I feel at a lack of justice.
I actually don't think I have ever understood the definition of irony as much as I do tonight.
May this man and my Mum both rest in peace. Welcome him like you welcomed Mum Dad, I know you will.
Your daughter
J
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
If your post doesn't fit into the pigeonholed topics people are used to seeing here, you're less likely to get a response from any individual poster, so your thread will be less active..
For example, I read your post, I just didn't know what to say in response so I said nothing.
That doesn't mean I don't care, it just means I don't know what to say to what you posted. Further, this forum has thousands of people accessing it daily, it's very, very active. New threads fly down the front page as other threads are created. I would not take it personally.
For example, I read your post, I just didn't know what to say in response so I said nothing.
That doesn't mean I don't care, it just means I don't know what to say to what you posted. Further, this forum has thousands of people accessing it daily, it's very, very active. New threads fly down the front page as other threads are created. I would not take it personally.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,791
I'm sorry for the pain you are feeling. I'd tell you there was a reason for it but that would be a lie. Sometimes there is pain that it seems will not lift. I have been there. But it will lessen, and things can change. Sometimes the way to get things started changing is to change ourselves. You write beautifully and seem like a caring and compassionate person. Those are assets that can serve you well. What can you do with them?
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Lifetplant, I saw your post today on the Marchers thread. I did not see your original post here. On the Marchers' thread I gave you a bracing sort of "Here now, beer won't help" reply. I'm sorry if I skated over your pain with a seeming platitude. You are among friends. Please post more now. I will be here for another hour.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,062
Those are beautiful letters lifeplant. I am so sorry I did not see your original posts either...
But please don't give up. I really don't think that either you Mum or Dad would have wanted that!!
Keep coming here and posting and yes, ask for help when you need it. We are here and there are many other resources to help.
You deserve help to cope with this and it is out there...
Praying for you!!
But please don't give up. I really don't think that either you Mum or Dad would have wanted that!!
Keep coming here and posting and yes, ask for help when you need it. We are here and there are many other resources to help.
You deserve help to cope with this and it is out there...
Praying for you!!
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
(((((lifetplant)))))
I did not see your post, because, well.....................................I haven't been on SR too much lately, had a whole bunch of 'life stuff' that really screwed up the plans I had and everything is on hold for a few months.
You see, I had planned on flying out of her (the states) on Nov 19th to spend almost 6 months, Down Under. Yep you read correctly I was headed for Australia, to first do some city hopping to meet friends I have made here on SR over the years, and then to spend the rest of my time there at my most beloved place in the whole world, ALICE SPINGS, rofl as I wanted to spend my winter in your summer. I have been there many times but not in the last several years and am yearning to get back there. This trip is still on my list, but do to some 'personal' trials and tribulations not right now.
As to your predicament, first I am so sorry for the loss you have recently experienced, as it can be devastation in ones life to lose a beloved family member. Please accept my condolences. Maybe check with your local hospitals to see if they run a program for those that have suffered a death in the family, and check with your local hospice. I say this, because we all react differently to the death of a loved one, and some of us do need to get with others who also have suffered the loss, and some of us choose to do it privately. Maybe some group meetings will help you.
As to your drinking, we have many here, myself included that have been where you are now and some of us here are exactly where you are now. I am sure you know this as you have been a member since February of '12 and I am sure you have read some of the threads so know that there are folks here that do know what you are feeling and I am sure have empathy for situation now.
I am sure you are aware of how 'busy' this site can be sometimes and how a thread can very quickly get down in the list and not get answered. Heck with all the years I have been here, I have threads that are never responded to, and although it feels like no one cares we do care.
It usually is fairly easy to STOP DRINKING. But it can and does become VERY DIFFICULT for many of us to STAY STOPPED and LIVE life SOBER.
That is where the different programs of "Living Sober" have helped many of us, whether it is AA, SMART, RR (Rational Recovery) or other programs, they do work if WE WORK THE PROGRAM of choice.
I am sure there will be folks posting here about AA, all I will say is that upon completing those 12 steps I then had a PLAN OF ACTION on continuing to live sober, and over the years I have also added some of SMART'S suggestions and ways. There is a secular section here where you can read about SMART and/or RR and other programs to see if that might work for you.
And if you choose to try AA, not only is there a section here for 12 step, but you can find local meetings and get with some like minded folks face to face.
Please know that I am sending good healing thoughts and prayers your way to assist you in your attempt to put the drink down.
Please keep posting and letting us know how your are doing as we do care very much. Please continue to ask questions, for that is how we all learn from each other.
Lots of love, and bunches of hugs,
I did not see your post, because, well.....................................I haven't been on SR too much lately, had a whole bunch of 'life stuff' that really screwed up the plans I had and everything is on hold for a few months.
You see, I had planned on flying out of her (the states) on Nov 19th to spend almost 6 months, Down Under. Yep you read correctly I was headed for Australia, to first do some city hopping to meet friends I have made here on SR over the years, and then to spend the rest of my time there at my most beloved place in the whole world, ALICE SPINGS, rofl as I wanted to spend my winter in your summer. I have been there many times but not in the last several years and am yearning to get back there. This trip is still on my list, but do to some 'personal' trials and tribulations not right now.
As to your predicament, first I am so sorry for the loss you have recently experienced, as it can be devastation in ones life to lose a beloved family member. Please accept my condolences. Maybe check with your local hospitals to see if they run a program for those that have suffered a death in the family, and check with your local hospice. I say this, because we all react differently to the death of a loved one, and some of us do need to get with others who also have suffered the loss, and some of us choose to do it privately. Maybe some group meetings will help you.
As to your drinking, we have many here, myself included that have been where you are now and some of us here are exactly where you are now. I am sure you know this as you have been a member since February of '12 and I am sure you have read some of the threads so know that there are folks here that do know what you are feeling and I am sure have empathy for situation now.
I am sure you are aware of how 'busy' this site can be sometimes and how a thread can very quickly get down in the list and not get answered. Heck with all the years I have been here, I have threads that are never responded to, and although it feels like no one cares we do care.
It usually is fairly easy to STOP DRINKING. But it can and does become VERY DIFFICULT for many of us to STAY STOPPED and LIVE life SOBER.
That is where the different programs of "Living Sober" have helped many of us, whether it is AA, SMART, RR (Rational Recovery) or other programs, they do work if WE WORK THE PROGRAM of choice.
I am sure there will be folks posting here about AA, all I will say is that upon completing those 12 steps I then had a PLAN OF ACTION on continuing to live sober, and over the years I have also added some of SMART'S suggestions and ways. There is a secular section here where you can read about SMART and/or RR and other programs to see if that might work for you.
And if you choose to try AA, not only is there a section here for 12 step, but you can find local meetings and get with some like minded folks face to face.
Please know that I am sending good healing thoughts and prayers your way to assist you in your attempt to put the drink down.
Please keep posting and letting us know how your are doing as we do care very much. Please continue to ask questions, for that is how we all learn from each other.
Lots of love, and bunches of hugs,
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