5 months in and it's rough
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 35
5 months in and it's rough
I don't know if it's the holidays or the insipid nature of this disease but the last few weeks have been rough. I'll be 5 months sober the day after Christmas. I thought I was doing really really well as I felt I believed I would never pick up a drink again. Then I spoke to my brother who had been sober for over a year who told me that he had slipped and drank again. Suddenly I felt completely deflated and defeated. It has most assuredly woken up my AV who seems to be alive and kicking. My thoughts - Will I really ever feel happy sober? Will ai ever feel like I'm not missing out on something? Will I ever truly enjoy certain social situations ( gatherings, sporting events, live music) like I did when I drank? I'm hanging in there but I'm concerned and down.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi and congratulations on your upcoming 5 months.
For a period of time after I stopped I had some of those concerns also. I was very involved in AA and the answers I got were hated by me, it takes time. Well I stopped drinking and I want it now! It takes time. Well................ It takes time! and it was mentioned that I might have done some serious damage to my body and it take time to mend, and on and on. The bottom line is they were correct, it takes time.
BE WELL
For a period of time after I stopped I had some of those concerns also. I was very involved in AA and the answers I got were hated by me, it takes time. Well I stopped drinking and I want it now! It takes time. Well................ It takes time! and it was mentioned that I might have done some serious damage to my body and it take time to mend, and on and on. The bottom line is they were correct, it takes time.
BE WELL
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Hi bowder, welcome to the board and congratulations on 5 months!
The answer to all of the questions that you asked at the end of the post are completely up to you.
The holidays do make it hard and this is your first holiday season without alcohol. It's a major adjustment. So your question regarding if it's the holiday or the nature of the disease it's really both which makes it just a bit harder.
How has the past 5 months been for you? Have there been any happy moments or are you saying that the entire time has been rough?
If the entire time has been rough what have you been doing in recovery or are you just abstaining? Sobriety is hard work, you know this already. You have to work at it.
It doesn't help when you're diligent and working hard and you find out someone slips. You're right, that AV comes calling.
You have an opportunity here. Your brother had been sober for over a year, that's an amazing feat. He must be upset that he slipped. Did he express that he's going to continue on or is he back on the horse? If he's back on the horse what can you two do together to work on sobriety? Make this a positive for both of you.
The answer to all of the questions that you asked at the end of the post are completely up to you.
The holidays do make it hard and this is your first holiday season without alcohol. It's a major adjustment. So your question regarding if it's the holiday or the nature of the disease it's really both which makes it just a bit harder.
How has the past 5 months been for you? Have there been any happy moments or are you saying that the entire time has been rough?
If the entire time has been rough what have you been doing in recovery or are you just abstaining? Sobriety is hard work, you know this already. You have to work at it.
It doesn't help when you're diligent and working hard and you find out someone slips. You're right, that AV comes calling.
You have an opportunity here. Your brother had been sober for over a year, that's an amazing feat. He must be upset that he slipped. Did he express that he's going to continue on or is he back on the horse? If he's back on the horse what can you two do together to work on sobriety? Make this a positive for both of you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 35
He's back on the horse and we've agreed to support each other. He will be coming home with his family next week for Christmas so I think that will be good for both of us. Yes - I have had moments of happiness. I have renewed energy and I am exercising regularly. However (as with others) those initial feelings have faded as I've settled into "the new normal". That's what's so damn brutal about this disease. The lows fade so much faster than those memories of the warm buzz. It's such an evil thing! I have been managing this on my own and realize I need some support. Several years ago I stopped drinking for a period of five months and attended AA regularly. I found the meetings depressing. It felt like going to daily self flagellation where everyone beat themselves up - not uplifting. I know I should try some different meetings but I haven't acted.
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: NJ
Posts: 109
PATIENCE
“Nature, by example, shows us anything worthwhile comes over time. Anything worthwhile grows methodically, building on a strong foundation. Develop a willingness to carry on despite roadblocks.”
Jaren L. Davis
Way to go on 5 months!! You will get past this!!
“Nature, by example, shows us anything worthwhile comes over time. Anything worthwhile grows methodically, building on a strong foundation. Develop a willingness to carry on despite roadblocks.”
Jaren L. Davis
Way to go on 5 months!! You will get past this!!
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Originally Posted by bowder68 
He's back on the horse and we've agreed to support each other. He will be coming home with his family next week for Christmas so I think that will be good for both of us. Yes - I have had moments of happiness. I have renewed energy and I am exercising regularly. However (as with others) those initial feelings have faded as I've settled into "the new normal". That's what's so damn brutal about this disease. The lows fade so much faster than those memories of the warm buzz. It's such an evil thing! I have been managing this on my own and realize I need some support. Several years ago I stopped drinking for a period of five months and attended AA regularly. I found the meetings depressing. It felt like going to daily self flagellation where everyone beat themselves up - not uplifting. I know I should try some different meetings but I haven't acted.
What's great is that you recognize that you need support and are coming here.
Some food for thought, on my 2nd long term attempt to quit I attended AA and I heard exactly what you expressed. I stopped going because I got tired of people doing nothing more than spilling their problems and complaining about how they couldn't drink. This time through, which is my 4th attempt and is much different, I found that what I was hearing when I previously attended is what I chose to hear. This isn't to say that there aren't meetings where what we thought we heard is the case. You might want to try checking out a few to see where your head is at with it this time.
You're doing great!
Coming here to express how you were feeling instead of listening to the AV and recognizing it for what it was is a big step in combat.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
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It does take adjusting to the 'new normal' for sure, and it takes patience. But, you know you can make it through Christmas and the bonus will be showing your brother, with your actions, that's it's worth fighting for.
You asked if you will ever feel happy sober and not feel like you're missing out on something. That is up to you. It's a choice you can make. Have you ever tried a Gratitude Journal?
You asked if you will ever feel happy sober and not feel like you're missing out on something. That is up to you. It's a choice you can make. Have you ever tried a Gratitude Journal?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,632
Congrats on 5 months
Yes - it helps to focus attention of the good things in our new normal. We see what we pay attention to. There is also a gratitude list on SR, which has he benefit of also enjoying what others are enjoying and can reinforce your own.
Different tools help at different times - feelings are a good trigger that it is time to pick up a new tool
Enjoy your holiday
Yes - it helps to focus attention of the good things in our new normal. We see what we pay attention to. There is also a gratitude list on SR, which has he benefit of also enjoying what others are enjoying and can reinforce your own.
Different tools help at different times - feelings are a good trigger that it is time to pick up a new tool
Enjoy your holiday
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
5 months was a big turning point for me. I had pretty bad PAWS during months 3 and 4, and just could not get enthused about anything. I was out the other day and I realized I had absolutely no desire, at all, to dull my senses. And it wasn't because I was having a particularly great day, I just did not want to forfeit reality. Having clarity and crispness instead of blurred lines is a trip in and of itself.
Around 4 months I started to have a few good days, but they were sparse. Nothing has changed in my life except for my perception of it, but the good days are much more frequent now. It feels good to be putting order to some of the chaos I had gotten used to. I am grateful that people here helped me stay the course.
Around 4 months I started to have a few good days, but they were sparse. Nothing has changed in my life except for my perception of it, but the good days are much more frequent now. It feels good to be putting order to some of the chaos I had gotten used to. I am grateful that people here helped me stay the course.
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,640
Hi bowder, I've just reached 5 months yesterday. I have ups and downs constantly.
One moment everything is within my reach and doable then I'm down and wondering, is this fight worth it.
Yes, it is. We didn't like what we become with booze down us, it took our self control, conscience, inhibitions and self respect.
I will fight my av to the death as I now hold my head up high, can look anyone in the eye and have no regrets or misgivings like I did with alcohol.
Well done on your upcoming 5 months.
One moment everything is within my reach and doable then I'm down and wondering, is this fight worth it.
Yes, it is. We didn't like what we become with booze down us, it took our self control, conscience, inhibitions and self respect.
I will fight my av to the death as I now hold my head up high, can look anyone in the eye and have no regrets or misgivings like I did with alcohol.
Well done on your upcoming 5 months.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: England
Posts: 329
Sometimes I/we romanticise alcohol. You always hear people say they are giving it up as though alcohol was something that was precious and worth having. STOP HAVING THOSE THOUGHTS IT IS JUST LIES !! Alcohol does nothing for you. You are not missing out on anything. There is nothing that alcohol makes better. All it does is destroy things. It will eventually cause your death. It is doing untold damage to your internal organs. Alcohol is nothing to grieve over. You should be thankful that you five months sober and you can look forward to a sober productive and healthy new year. Act positive and you will become positive. Sermon over!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
When I decided to quit drinking, years back, I had no idea how much power I was giving to alcohol. The romantic notion of being able to drink like a normal person was in my mind for years. I thought, after time, that I would be able to resume drinking without experiencing any detrimental behaviors, consequences, or repercussions. Every time that I went back into my old ways of drinking, life became unbearable and I suffered. Not only did I suffer, but many loved ones suffered from my alcoholism. Alcoholism is no way to live life. There is no happy ending for the alcoholic. Think about the reasons as to why you became sober in the first place. Please dont let your sobriety be contingent upon another person. You are doing something that is healthy and worthwhile.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
(((((bowder68)))))
I do know how you are feeling, when I turned 6 months sober, Thanksgiving had just passed and Xmas was coming up and I was in pure 'panic' mode, so fearful I would drink. I was very fortunate, because I was attending AA, and although like you I would leave many meetings depressed, I had a sponsor and she helped me tremendously and suggested that I make a point of being around other sober folks.
On that first sober Thanksgiving I was able to attend several 'open houses' held by sober peeps in the program (later I was to do the same for others that had been done for me, the 'play it forward' idea)and stayed sober. In addition some of the meetings I was attending regularly had Marathon Meetings, usually called Alcathons, through the Holidays, and usually with a 'goodie' table at the back of the room, where different people kept bringing and adding food to the tables, and I spent a lot of time in the different Alcathons.
You see on top of the trying to stay sober, I had terrible feelings of all Holidays but especially Turkey Day and Xmas. That was the time when the whole family got together to fight, sometimes almost to the point of fist-a-cuffs and always spurred by Alcohol. Yes alcoholism runs in my family.
But my sponsor and others told me something that was wonderful to my ears. I didn't have to just have those memories of awful Holidays, I COULD MAKE NEW MEMORIES. Well what do you know, I had never thought of that! So I did, and for the last 32+ years I have built up some really great memories of my Holidays and how I spend them, and YOU CAN TOO.
This is your first Turkey Day and Xmas sober. These can be good memories, memories of how you did enjoy these days (if you allow yourself to enjoy) and didn't have to take a drink to get through them.
I will suggest since you tried AA already and felt yucky when you left a meeting (which btw many of us did/do at first) that you try 6 DIFFERENT meetings and go with the mindset of listening very carefully for the positive instead of the negative. Someone is sharing/complaining about a problem listen to the responses that have a 'solution' to the problem. Look for the similarities with others and I promise you will leave the meeting feeling a lot different than you have in the past.
After the first 6 meetings if you think you might like to continue, then you can and probably should start looking for a sponsor. And on the literature tables you will find an AA pamphlet about what Sponsorship is and isn't, and of course, you can ask questions here all the time.
We are here for you, and I am personally 'rooting for you' to have a wonderful Xmas with your brother and your family!!!
Love and hugs,
I do know how you are feeling, when I turned 6 months sober, Thanksgiving had just passed and Xmas was coming up and I was in pure 'panic' mode, so fearful I would drink. I was very fortunate, because I was attending AA, and although like you I would leave many meetings depressed, I had a sponsor and she helped me tremendously and suggested that I make a point of being around other sober folks.
On that first sober Thanksgiving I was able to attend several 'open houses' held by sober peeps in the program (later I was to do the same for others that had been done for me, the 'play it forward' idea)and stayed sober. In addition some of the meetings I was attending regularly had Marathon Meetings, usually called Alcathons, through the Holidays, and usually with a 'goodie' table at the back of the room, where different people kept bringing and adding food to the tables, and I spent a lot of time in the different Alcathons.
You see on top of the trying to stay sober, I had terrible feelings of all Holidays but especially Turkey Day and Xmas. That was the time when the whole family got together to fight, sometimes almost to the point of fist-a-cuffs and always spurred by Alcohol. Yes alcoholism runs in my family.
But my sponsor and others told me something that was wonderful to my ears. I didn't have to just have those memories of awful Holidays, I COULD MAKE NEW MEMORIES. Well what do you know, I had never thought of that! So I did, and for the last 32+ years I have built up some really great memories of my Holidays and how I spend them, and YOU CAN TOO.
This is your first Turkey Day and Xmas sober. These can be good memories, memories of how you did enjoy these days (if you allow yourself to enjoy) and didn't have to take a drink to get through them.
I will suggest since you tried AA already and felt yucky when you left a meeting (which btw many of us did/do at first) that you try 6 DIFFERENT meetings and go with the mindset of listening very carefully for the positive instead of the negative. Someone is sharing/complaining about a problem listen to the responses that have a 'solution' to the problem. Look for the similarities with others and I promise you will leave the meeting feeling a lot different than you have in the past.
After the first 6 meetings if you think you might like to continue, then you can and probably should start looking for a sponsor. And on the literature tables you will find an AA pamphlet about what Sponsorship is and isn't, and of course, you can ask questions here all the time.
We are here for you, and I am personally 'rooting for you' to have a wonderful Xmas with your brother and your family!!!
Love and hugs,
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