Picked up :(
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,031
Picked up :(
Went to lunch with sober members bday no one spoke to me left crying ran really so awkward horrible feeling couldn't handle it and went to pub ordered a wine and rest is history sick of the fight
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,367
I'm sorry you had a bad experience and that you drank but you can stop this now liss. Don't make a bad experience into a catastrophic one.
do you have a sponsor? what about calling them?
D
do you have a sponsor? what about calling them?
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: UK (England)
Posts: 2,782
Hi liss, don't beat yourself up about what happened. Forgive yourself and use this as motivation to strengthen your recovery. If you ever feel like your struggling reaching out and talking to someone really helps. Keep on trying.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Originally Posted by liss74 
rest is history
Don't look backwards, you are not going that way!
Get back on the path. We have all had our own tumbles along the path, the important part is to get back up and keep walking.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: London Uk
Posts: 65
I feel like that - often! I then have to ask myself, did I try and make conversation with another person, or did I expect everyone to make an effort with me because clearly I am special and different? Sometimes I can sit in a meeting and just squirm as those around are sharing jokes and are at complete ease. That can be me, I just have to open my mouth and connect, and when I do I feel great.
Never give up, have another go, and think that the person sitting next to you may well be feeling shy and reserved and that no one is talking to them, until you do.
Hugs. x
Never give up, have another go, and think that the person sitting next to you may well be feeling shy and reserved and that no one is talking to them, until you do.
Hugs. x
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
I used to worry about people ignoring me, that barely responded when I engaged until I realized the problem was not me.
Each have their own reason, but I simply don't care.
Hope you can run over this bump in your sobriety.
Each have their own reason, but I simply don't care.
Hope you can run over this bump in your sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: PA
Posts: 695
Liss
Sweetie,
I've been through this exact scenario many times with my daughter. I can't tell you how many times I have been on the receiving end of crying phone calls that she was either left out when everyone went somewhere or was invited but didn't talk to anyone; many of the same things you're dealing with and like you she ran to alcohol to solve her problems.
Some people are just not great with small talk. I am not one of those people, I will strike up a conversation with anyone, anywhere. So I have a difficult time understanding why my daughter finds it so difficult to join in. She is an interesting person, funny, personable, and attractive. I don't understand why she can't see how great she is but she never can.
Based on my daughter's reaction, you're probably not going to like this advice but you have to force yourself when out to talk. Force yourself. Start very small, turn to the person on your left or right and ask questions about them. Most people like talking about themselves. For example: "What do you do for a living?" Response: "I am a Dental hygienist."
Now here is the tricky part, you may not give a damn about dentistry, but force yourself to find something to say something that can be turned around into another question. My response would be "Oh my god, I have such a fear of dentists, have you ever gotten bitten by anyone?" That will usually lead to a story. Laugh, (even if you don't find it funny.)
Now here is tricky part number 2. Continuing the conversation: the person's story will end, and you somehow have to get it from uncomfortable silence to more conversation. I usually try "that is a great purse where did you get it?" Or "I love that "shirt, blouse, dress, etc where did you get it."
The key to continuing a conversation is to always end your comment with a question. if your in a group situation, usually, someone will join in with "I love JC Penny's" or "I'm afraid of the dentist too."
I want to share with you that we got help for our daughter and now sober 100+ days, she is slowly realizing that alcohol didn't help with this loneliness, it hurt. She is taking baby steps to talk to people at meetings and going for coffee afterward. I have to keep reminding her that she's dealt with this for 23 years, it's not going to correct itself in 100 days but she is trying, and (yes the mom in me has to say this)...it's working!!
I hope this wasn't too "mom-like", I just feel so bad for you and usually my maternal instincts kick in.
Sweetie,
I've been through this exact scenario many times with my daughter. I can't tell you how many times I have been on the receiving end of crying phone calls that she was either left out when everyone went somewhere or was invited but didn't talk to anyone; many of the same things you're dealing with and like you she ran to alcohol to solve her problems.
Some people are just not great with small talk. I am not one of those people, I will strike up a conversation with anyone, anywhere. So I have a difficult time understanding why my daughter finds it so difficult to join in. She is an interesting person, funny, personable, and attractive. I don't understand why she can't see how great she is but she never can.
Based on my daughter's reaction, you're probably not going to like this advice but you have to force yourself when out to talk. Force yourself. Start very small, turn to the person on your left or right and ask questions about them. Most people like talking about themselves. For example: "What do you do for a living?" Response: "I am a Dental hygienist."
Now here is the tricky part, you may not give a damn about dentistry, but force yourself to find something to say something that can be turned around into another question. My response would be "Oh my god, I have such a fear of dentists, have you ever gotten bitten by anyone?" That will usually lead to a story. Laugh, (even if you don't find it funny.)
Now here is tricky part number 2. Continuing the conversation: the person's story will end, and you somehow have to get it from uncomfortable silence to more conversation. I usually try "that is a great purse where did you get it?" Or "I love that "shirt, blouse, dress, etc where did you get it."
The key to continuing a conversation is to always end your comment with a question. if your in a group situation, usually, someone will join in with "I love JC Penny's" or "I'm afraid of the dentist too."
I want to share with you that we got help for our daughter and now sober 100+ days, she is slowly realizing that alcohol didn't help with this loneliness, it hurt. She is taking baby steps to talk to people at meetings and going for coffee afterward. I have to keep reminding her that she's dealt with this for 23 years, it's not going to correct itself in 100 days but she is trying, and (yes the mom in me has to say this)...it's working!!
I hope this wasn't too "mom-like", I just feel so bad for you and usually my maternal instincts kick in.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Boston
Posts: 304
Originally Posted by Leana
Liss
Sweetie,
I've been through this exact scenario many times with my daughter. I can't tell you how many times I have been on the receiving end of crying phone calls that she was either left out when everyone went somewhere or was invited but didn't talk to anyone; many of the same things you're dealing with and like you she ran to alcohol to solve her problems.
Some people are just not great with small talk. I am not one of those people, I will strike up a conversation with anyone, anywhere. So I have a difficult time understanding why my daughter finds it so difficult to join in. She is an interesting person, funny, personable, and attractive. I don't understand why she can't see how great she is but she never can.
Based on my daughter's reaction, you're probably not going to like this advice but you have to force yourself when out to talk. Force yourself. Start very small, turn to the person on your left or right and ask questions about them. Most people like talking about themselves. For example: "What do you do for a living?" Response: "I am a Dental hygienist."
Now here is the tricky part, you may not give a damn about dentistry, but force yourself to find something to say something that can be turned around into another question. My response would be "Oh my god, I have such a fear of dentists, have you ever gotten bitten by anyone?" That will usually lead to a story. Laugh, (even if you don't find it funny.)
Now here is tricky part number 2. Continuing the conversation: the person's story will end, and you somehow have to get it from uncomfortable silence to more conversation. I usually try "that is a great purse where did you get it?" Or "I love that "shirt, blouse, dress, etc where did you get it."
The key to continuing a conversation is to always end your comment with a question. if your in a group situation, usually, someone will join in with "I love JC Penny's" or "I'm afraid of the dentist too."
I want to share with you that we got help for our daughter and now sober 100+ days, she is slowly realizing that alcohol didn't help with this loneliness, it hurt. She is taking baby steps to talk to people at meetings and going for coffee afterward. I have to keep reminding her that she's dealt with this for 23 years, it's not going to correct itself in 100 days but she is trying, and (yes the mom in me has to say this)...it's working!!
I hope this wasn't too "mom-like", I just feel so bad for you and usually my maternal instincts kick in.
Sweetie,
I've been through this exact scenario many times with my daughter. I can't tell you how many times I have been on the receiving end of crying phone calls that she was either left out when everyone went somewhere or was invited but didn't talk to anyone; many of the same things you're dealing with and like you she ran to alcohol to solve her problems.
Some people are just not great with small talk. I am not one of those people, I will strike up a conversation with anyone, anywhere. So I have a difficult time understanding why my daughter finds it so difficult to join in. She is an interesting person, funny, personable, and attractive. I don't understand why she can't see how great she is but she never can.
Based on my daughter's reaction, you're probably not going to like this advice but you have to force yourself when out to talk. Force yourself. Start very small, turn to the person on your left or right and ask questions about them. Most people like talking about themselves. For example: "What do you do for a living?" Response: "I am a Dental hygienist."
Now here is the tricky part, you may not give a damn about dentistry, but force yourself to find something to say something that can be turned around into another question. My response would be "Oh my god, I have such a fear of dentists, have you ever gotten bitten by anyone?" That will usually lead to a story. Laugh, (even if you don't find it funny.)
Now here is tricky part number 2. Continuing the conversation: the person's story will end, and you somehow have to get it from uncomfortable silence to more conversation. I usually try "that is a great purse where did you get it?" Or "I love that "shirt, blouse, dress, etc where did you get it."
The key to continuing a conversation is to always end your comment with a question. if your in a group situation, usually, someone will join in with "I love JC Penny's" or "I'm afraid of the dentist too."
I want to share with you that we got help for our daughter and now sober 100+ days, she is slowly realizing that alcohol didn't help with this loneliness, it hurt. She is taking baby steps to talk to people at meetings and going for coffee afterward. I have to keep reminding her that she's dealt with this for 23 years, it's not going to correct itself in 100 days but she is trying, and (yes the mom in me has to say this)...it's working!!
I hope this wasn't too "mom-like", I just feel so bad for you and usually my maternal instincts kick in.
Liss - I think Leana is absolutely right. Being out in social situations is really just a skill, and its a skill everyone can learn. Sure, it comes naturally to some people to be out in a group of people and just feel comfortable and natural and their energy draws people to them, but for MOST of us there is a little work behind it. The more you focus your effort on be a part of the social situation and not worry about being accepted by the people in the social situation, the easier it is.
However, guard yourself against your alcoholic brain tricking you into drinking. Can you be confident that your AV wasn't sitting behind your eyes at lunch looking for things to be upset about so that you would have a justification to drink and uncork that anxiety?
Also - I'm wondering if you should talk to someone about your sadness. Not being talked to by a group of people is one thing, but feeling so broken and in despair about it that you needed to drink a glass of wine when you knew da*n well what it would lead to says that there is probably something deeper going on here.
Please be well. Try to give your brain a boost and find some humor in the situation some how. Crack a joke about it, or even maybe text one of those people at the lunch and start a chat. Anything.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: PA
Posts: 695
Originally Posted by anyistoomuch
Leana - can you please be my mom!
I do have a very handsome 26 year old son who is single! (no addiction issues) He has a great job and is great guy! (OMG- I would not be nominated for "mother of the year" if he EVER found out about this!!!!!)
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Boston
Posts: 304
Originally Posted by Leana
Absolutely! Always room for 1 more!
I do have a very handsome 26 year old son who is single! (no addiction issues) He has a great job and is great guy! (OMG- I would not be nominated for "mother of the year" if he EVER found out about this!!!!!)
I do have a very handsome 26 year old son who is single! (no addiction issues) He has a great job and is great guy! (OMG- I would not be nominated for "mother of the year" if he EVER found out about this!!!!!)
If you son is as compassionate and helpful as you are, he would be irrisistible!
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