Lawood

I did look up an aa place but I can't find the strength to go. Plus I can't have anyone know

Nonsensical

The most frustrating and baffling aspect of addiction is continued drinking despite persistent negative consequences and a pronounced desire to stop.

Part of your own brain is betraying you because it wants alcohol. It craves alcohol. If it can just convince YOU that you're hopeless it can get all the alcohol it wants.

I have one of those voices, too. In my head 24/7/365.

It's a damn liar. In 25 years it has not told me one true thing. I can't shut it up, but I don't have to listen to it. It's a liar, what do I care what it says?

You are not hopeless. Your addiction is telling you a lie.

You can do this.

Lawood

I already failed today but not as bad as yesterday I guess. Mostly because of withdrawals so I just drank two airplane bottles to get rid of the shakes. I am so badly tiring to make it to twelve o clock so I can go to this aa meeting. I really don't know if it will help or if I am willing to let it help maybe is the better way of putting it. I am afraid if I go they will smell it on me but if I continue then I feel I won't last. This sucks This is what I think I am afraid of - dealing with what is killing me (no not alcohol). I was brought up that people in our family don't have problems and if they do the suck it up. I will be honest this is most likely that so called cry for help. It is easy for me too talk to invisible people because it allows me breathing room. Unlike talking to people I care for because I can not accept being judged. I have pulled myself out of holes but I think I dug this one to deep

Mizzuno

Going to an AA meeting with alcohol on your breath is perfectly acceptable. Denying an Alcoholic help at an AA meeting is not the point of the meeting. I really hope and pray that you go into that meeting and get yourself some help. It sounds like you are in a bad way, and suicide by alcohol is not the way to go.

Lawood

Jesus I hate crying but it won't stop and then I just get angry. I know what I am doing is destructive but I just can not stop. Why should invisible people affect me. I probably sound like the biggest jerk but I am the first person that would help you if in need. I am sooooo fing angry

SeaScape

You are not thinking clearly because of all of the alcohol. If you can't stop on your own, if you can't not drink one day at a time, I would go get some professional help asap. You have a son. You have a disease. Get treatment for your disease so you can be there for your son and find enjoyment in life. Remember - you can not think clearly when you have been drinking- at the moment or in the long term.

Lawood

Kate I am not sure having a friend is good for me right now

Mizzuno

Crying is part of this process. If you can make it to a meeting, you are walking in the right direction. Go to the meeting.

Lawood

My son is fine - I made sure he will be fine for his life and there is no way I can go to a treatment center Yes I agree it would probably be the best for me at this point but it is not an option.

ScottFromWI

That's actually untrue, you can stop if you want to. You will need help though. The AA meeting would be a great start. Or even just calling the AA hotline - you can just talk to someone on the phone and they will listen. I'm from WI too and if your location is what I think it is ( in portage county? ) the AA district info and hotline info is all here http://www.aawidistrict04.org/

And regarding other people "not knowing" - trust me, they know already. As much as we all tried to hide our drinking it's pretty obvious from an outsider's view.

Lawood

Mizz - I will go just very ashamed of it

Lawood

Dane county. Here goes nothing I am going to the meeting now.

Mizzuno

Ya, okay. The shame can keep you in a place of continued drinking, and the end result is not one that you want. I went to many AA meetings in my attempts to quit drinking. The idea is to get help. Sometimes we need to swallow our pride and admit to ourselves that we need help, and it needs to be by another person. We can not do this alone.

Markdad3

Keep posting. Do you have any resources to get help? Any local AA? you kind find help here: Alcoholics Anonymous : Keep coming back, you do not have to die. Or drink. Glad you are here.

Threshold

Glad to hear you hit a meeting.

Reading your posts my heart goes out to you. It sounds as if you have depression on top of alcoholism...and this is a wicked time of year for so many of us with depression issues.

Death by drinking is an ugly painful thing, worse that the discomfort of getting sober (there are some real horror stories around here of death and near death via booze)

You can do this, and you do not have to do this alone. We know what hopeless feels like, and we know we can move beyond it...together.

I know it seems impossible, but you don't have to try to invision what it will look like, feel like or what it will all involve. That comes in time as we move along. Just walk with us a day at a time, a post at a time, and things will get better.

Look forward to hearing how the meeting went.

((((((HUGS)))))

Zencat

Being hot angry at alcohol is one big key reason as to why I have managed some meaningful sobriety. So rather than get angry at yourself, channel your energies towards a commitment to recovery action as your doing by attending an AA meeting.

Nothing wrong with sticking around here at SR all day. When I was drinking, I would do everything in my power to get drunk. Now I will do everything needed to remain sober, healthy of mind and body and joyful.

You can do this. Just never give up on recovery no matter if you slip.

Nonsensical

I'd be interested in your son's opinion on this. I suspect he'd trade every nickel for a chance at a relationship with a sober Dad.

Flip it around. Your son has a life threatening condtion, but he is too ashamed to get help. He'd rather die than embarrass you. What would you tell him?

Tiptree

Sounds like you put yourself under a lot of pressure to appear "so together". Many drinkers are
perfectionists and that's a trap. How else could we ever believe that it would be worse to admit we need help rather than committing slow suicide? Please, get whatever help you need to quit and **** what anyone else thinks.

Lawood

Well I really did try. It was suppose to be at the church but I could not find it. So what happened I sat there and talked to a priest. I have never spoken to a priest before but it got me through. There is another meeting at five and he got me the right directions now it is only a matter of doing it then I do thank all of you because if it wasn't for this site I might not even consider getting help I don't know what will happen but I did try

I am a mom by the way and my son would be disgusted with me if he knew

Lawood

Yes tip u r correct I was raised to be a perfectionist but something not in my control took that and I am desperately tiring to get it back