ThePreacher

I started using Hydro's when I first turned 18. The last 3 years, I have had a script and get them legal, but I go through 120 in around 10 days and then have to spend the rest of the month scraping to make it by, sometimes spending thousand(s) of dollars. I am not rich, so most of my money goes to the addiction. I even got really far behind on my vehicle because it was either pay for it, or be able to function. It is a mess. These pills are so evil. I know people need them, I need them, but at what point is enough, enough? I started out 8 years ago, taking 1 a day. I had heard stories that no amount is ever enough, and I thought "shoot, a couple a day is plenty for me." Now I'm taking 8-15 a day. When I go a day or two without them, I have to take around 5 at one time to feel normal again. Right now I haven't had one in 24 hours, but that's only because I don't have the money. Within the next few days I will come up with a day to get some. I'm exhausted. This is not the way life should be lived. 90% of my thoughts are how many I have left and where will I get some more. I haven't went more than probably 3-4 days without some in years. I keep saying every month that I will do better on my next script and take them as directed, but when I get them - it seems like they are never ending and I eat them like candy, like I said, around 10 a day give or take. I've been thinking about rehab for awhile, or basically just finding a way to beat them. My legs hurt so bad right now, I don't have any energy and I'm starting a new job today. I have to find a way to power through and not get myself fired. See how ridiculous this is? I have no one or no body. My family isn't close. I'm in my mid 20's, hopefully you can do the math from earlier. But anyways. Pray for me.

upandup

Welcome to SR! You're in my thoughts, Preacher. Are there any forms of support in your area? Free/low cost clinics, meetings, hotlines you can call?

Dee74

Welcome The Preacher

I think finding support - not doing this on your own- is very important.
There's support a-plenty here.

In the short term have you thought about recovery groups like NA, or one of the non 12 step alternatives?

In the longer term, maybe it's time to find less addictive ways to deal with your pain? if Your current Dr is not suitable, can you find another?

D

LiaAc

Hey Preacher. You're in my thoughts. Welcome to SR and keep posting, it will help you.

Oh, and no, it's not really ridiculous. We have all been there and are still getting through those withdrawals, both mental and physical. You're not alone at all.

Lind

Welcome Preacher!! There is great advise and support here! I'm praying for you!! lind

ThePreacher

I haven't taken it that far yet to really dig into help with Recovery. I've half heartedly looked up some help and found an outpatient Clinic nearby. They give methadone or suboxone. It's been 44 hours sober, but a buddy is supposed to help me get a few tomorrow. I'm not proud of that. But they honestly make me feel normal. I don't know what to do. Can't live with em, can't live without em.

LiaAc

You have to begin changing that frame of mind. You can live without them, you just have to decide that you want to. That's the first step.

Suekie

Thinking of you. I was addicted to pills (xanax and opiates) as well. With that amount I would highly suggest in patient rehab and under a Doctor's care. One of my friends was terribly addicted to Vicodin for about 2 years, taking almost as many as you. She has now been clean going on a decade and has a family and a successful career. It IS possible.

Lexy1

The first step is admitting you have a problem and reaching out for help. Sounds like you are tired of the addiction. Try and find a local support group or life coach. You have to want a new life style more than you want the drug. You have lots of people rooting for you. You can do this.

longoctober

i can be done. ive met plenty of ppl who have. its all about your mindset.
"whether you think you can or cant, you're right"
once you detox, if u have the mindset of never wanting to hand over that power again to such an evil drug, you too, can be free and happy.
just think of all the negative things ppl do when theyre addicted. all the children whos lives are devestated. think of how much harm they have caused ppl you care about. how many ppl suffering right now, needing it.
freedom is possible. beleive you can. ive seen the worst addictions be beaten.
i replaced addiction with gardening. : )
hang in there. youre worth it.

wolfie7

get yourself to some meetings, you cant do it alone.that will become your family.

EverySngleNight

That sounds really tough and exhausting... trying to get by and focusing on having enough pills all the time.

There is help out there if you look for it. I hope you can get into treatment and get out of this cycle. I know how hard it is. I really feel for you... Hang in there.
All my best.

ThePreacher

I guess it's been over a month since I first posted. Haven't been back since a few days after that, until now. I am completely out of Hydros and broke. I worked 130 hours in 13 days, but I get paid week to week. My last paycheck, (Friday) was for 511.00$(for 7 days). I spent 50$ in gas, and 360$ on 36 pills, which 12 of them I gave back to someone I loaned off of. This life is becoming devastating and painful. None is ever enough. I know I need help, but going through with the process of getting it, scares me. Remember me in your thoughts. Not placing blame on anyone but myself, but I think this has happened to me, so that I can one day help people going through the same. I will beat this. I will.

ThePreacher

I've never really had compassion shown to me. My father was and is really cold, never really had a relationship with him. My mother is an addict like me. I think if I just had someone that really truly cared for me and wanted to help me get through this, I could. But doing it alone and for myself, I can't.

newbie24

I feel your pain. I do/did the same. My 90 pill script is lucky if I had it last a week. Then I would steal from my mother until she was almost out and the buy off the streets. I make decent money but spent every paycheck after bills on my pills so I sit here broke... Tell my parents I can't pay rent to them or purchase food for the house bc I'm broke but it's because all my extra money (sometimes $500 a week/weekend) goes to pills (imagine that's $1,000-$2,000 a month... On drugs). I'm trying to finally turn over a new leaf and not do this- not waste my money or my life. Id like to go on a vacation like a normal adult. Detox is horrible and living with my mothers prescription right down the hall is wicked hard but for once I feel determined and all I can think for why I feel this way is because I came clean to EVERYONE about my addiction. Accountability. Good luck and always post!

ThePreacher

I did it. I entered Outpatient Assisted Recovery this morning. I had gotten up to 15 norco a day. I'm exhausted. Completely finished with it, FINALLY. I just want to live a normal life, and today is the second day of my new life. I didn't take anything Sunday, and Monday morning I went to Assisted Recovery. I kind of feel like it's cheating, but it's the first step. And so so much better than my formal alternative. The treatment is: they put you on methadone for awhile and then wean you off. I guess it isn't "Sober Recovery" but it is Assisted Recovery. I am trying. I did this all on my own. I can beat this.

least

I'm glad you're finally getting the help you need to beat this addiction.

Dee74

I'm glad you got some help ThePreacher

Already you sound better to me

D

shi

Hallelujah for real...I quit drinking n the hardest,.....cigarettes,......by thinking n focusing on the bad they do. N now I think of a smoke I think of cancer...I'm like no way...I don't want 2 die......n yes u can....post daily n commit Evry 24hrs.and mtgs..NA......

SouthernBe11e

My thoughts and prayers for you ThePreacher!! I'm sooooo glad you're getting help.