SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/)
-   Newcomers to Recovery (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/)
-   -   Cold beer after day on hot beach (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/316685-cold-beer-after-day-hot-beach.html)

Toffee1 12-18-2013 10:20 AM

Cold beer after day on hot beach
 
I know I am a lucky so and so with very few worries to talk about. I really do appreciate how lucky I am and as such I feel a little embarrassed about this thread. But here goes. I am going to st Lucia for a two week hol in late January.i have just been reading about it on trip adviser and the most terrible urges have just hit me! I can't get the thought out of my head. What about a cold beer after the beach? Well if I am going to drink then I might as well start now! Heck I might as well just drink all over christmas as well !

Maybe I am too soon into my sobriety to have booked a holiday ( especially one that is All Inclusive ). But it is booked and my wife deserves a break. I need your feedback and advice here. I am on day 97 and been feeling strong but all this talk of holidays has really knocked me back.

I am trying to be rational about this. I can still have a great time maybe even a better time without alcohol. Maybe this is a trick of a desperate AV. Can anyone share their sober holiday experiences and tell me how much better it will be. Thanks everyone in advance.

Avra 12-18-2013 10:31 AM

Hi Toffee1, I ruined several vacations in the last couple of years with that thinking. I thought that cold beer or glass of wine would enhance my vacation. Instead, i spent most of the vacation in a mental obsession of getting more, being hammered or spending a regretful morning unable to enjoy my breakfast. I suggest taking a step back and really playing out in your mind what will realistically happen if you drink.

In fact the only vacation that had any meaningful positive memories for me in last while was a trip while I was pregnant and didnt drink.

Coldfusion 12-18-2013 10:34 AM

If you do a Google search, you can find the local AA meetings in Castries, St. Lucia. I would be excited about traveling somewhere and joining their meetings! I live on an island where tourism is the main industry, and visitors come to our meetings all the time. Frankly, because this is such a small, isolated community, it's really nice to see fresh faces at the meetings!

And because AA is usually a diverse group, you'll get an insider's scoop on all the best things to see and do!

MemphisBlues 12-18-2013 10:40 AM

Doesn't all inclusive imply unlimited iced tea, iced lattes and sweet treats?

Climber122 12-18-2013 10:43 AM

You may have a great holiday sober, or may not... Keep in mind that even though we are sober, life can still be very hard. BUT, ask yourself this: What problem that I may or may not encounter on my holiday would be somehow made better by my being drunk or hungover? So let's look at it this way: "things that will likely NOT happen if I stay sober on holiday":

1. I will be fully emotinally and mentally present for my wife.
2. I will likely not drive drunk.
3. I will likely not have the spins, sickness, or raging headaches.
4. I will have more money in my pocket.
5. I will not waste half my day in bed at the hotel.

There's a few things to look forward to - before you go, find someone who is reliable, sober and knows your story to call if you get in a tough jam. Once that addictive voice starts talking to you, it's good to have someone to bring you back to the reality that you truly don't want to drink.

And let's be real - it's never "a" cold drink for us - one will turn into many in my experience. Enjoy your trip and take it as it comes - it may be the time of your life - who knows? But try and keep those expectations low, and go into it with the mindset that you're going to show your wife the great time she deserves :)

inthetrees 12-18-2013 10:57 AM

This thinking ruined my last vacation, too. I started hitting it well ahead of the trip since my AV rationalized it by telling me I had to "test myself" to see how I reacted (????) As if there was any doubt! We all know it's never just a cold beer on the beach. I wound up waking up out of a blackout lost and drunk on a bus Somewhere In Mexico with people I didn't even know, and things could have gone so much more badly than they did. It's never worth it. I'm with Memphis--wall-to-wall iced lattes! Stay sober and actually enjoy your vacation.

ScottFromWI 12-18-2013 10:59 AM


Originally Posted by Toffee1 (Post 4354440)
Maybe this is a trick of a desperate AV.

If you eliminate "maybe" from the sentence above you have your answer!

Think of it this way - what's different about staying sober on vacation vs. staying sober at home? Other than the fact that you are not home and not at work not much. The same bad things will happen if you drink no matter where you are, that's a guarantee. Plan some time to work on sobriety while you are away - whether it's logging on to SR ( just about every hotel has internet ), reading recovery based literature/books ( they do allow those on airplanes ) or attending a local recovery meeting ( they exist nearly everywhere there are people ).

Finally, remember you are going to relax and have fun. You have already proven to yourself that you can do so without alcohol with your sobriety so far - nothing changes in that regards on vacation.

freshstart57 12-18-2013 11:08 AM

That parasite of addiction has a simple definition: Any thinking, imagery, or feeling that supports or suggests the possible future use of alcohol or drugs -- ever.

So, yes, there is no maybe about it. You have recognized your AV. Now what? It might sound trite and obvious, but maybe you should look at your plan about continuing to use alcohol. If you look at this in that way, some things may become apparent that hadn't been before.

foolsgold66 12-18-2013 11:12 AM

Fleeting thoughts or a plan to fail? Only you really know, accept it for what it was. I'm sure being with you sober should be a plenty nice vacation for your wife, without sticking your head in the lions mouth. :)

KateL 12-18-2013 11:15 AM

My first sober holiday was in Greece at an all inclusive. I just ate all of the lovely free food on offer, drank all the lovely free soft drinks, sunbathed, went sightseeing and watched my drunken other half make an arse of himself. (He's long gone since) I really enjoyed myself wit the children and no bad heads. x

doggonecarl 12-18-2013 11:38 AM


Originally Posted by foolsgold66 (Post 4354512)
Fleeting thoughts or a plan to fail?

Foolsgold raises a good question. It's one thing to have the AV pop the idea of having a drink into our heads. It happens to me, and I have over three years sober. But it's just a thought, quickly dismissed.

The danger for someone in early sobriety is not recognizing when the "thought" progresses to entertaining the idea of drinking, fantasying about drinking, then moving on to the decision to drink.

This progress can be halted by holding on to the fact that you aren't going to drink. Notice I didn't say the idea that you are going to drink. Sobriety isn't an idea. Ideas can be changed. Facts can't. That committment has to be there, even on vacation, that you are not drinking, no matter what.

BalinChane 12-18-2013 11:40 AM

Sounds like something an AV would say, they are sneaky little buggers.

Do YOU want to drink after the beach or does IT want to drink?

instant 12-18-2013 11:49 AM

Try to accept the thought for what it is (the alcohol salesman in your head) and move on.

fighting with them, or being scared of them gives them power. It's what you do that counts not what you think.

I used to focus on shadows and reflections- it became me window/door into another way of being. I still use this technique when stressed

Banquo 12-18-2013 12:17 PM

If the idea of a cold beer in the sun appeals to you why not go for a NA beer instead? But only if you think you can handle it and it won't lead to other drinks.

Anyway alcohol dehydrates you which isn't the best thing to do in a hot place.

Good luck

alphaomega 12-18-2013 12:32 PM

Oh dear. The "Beach" drink got me good last time.

Little story...

I went on a trip 58 days sober and was feeling happy, joyous and rather amazing. The first night I decided to imbibe and drink a coupla of bottles of wine with the old hubster for our anniversary.

Long story longer, I spent the next 4 days shaking, crying and anxious. Just in time to get on the plane and go home.

I literally went from being ON TOP OF THE WORLD, to lower than a pregnant ant..

How I wished that I could go back in time and redo that night.

I have been sober since.

Be well.

Dee74 12-18-2013 01:40 PM

Trust me, nothings better than a glass of ice cold water :)

If that disappoints you, you can try sparkling water with flavouring, or lemon squash, iced tea, chinotto...

there's a world of non alcoholic thirst quenchers out there, any of them more effective than beer :)

If you're 'but'-ing and still want beer, then you have an AV problem, and there's some great suggestions up-thread :)

I never recommend holidays so soon, but whats done is done.

you can do this Toffee :)

D

DarkDays 12-18-2013 02:01 PM

Not that I am a lover of beAch holidays but every one I have been on with the mrs have basically been ruined by alcohol.

Sparkling water after a hot day on the beach much better, I never get the time back I ruined and wasted poisoning myself but can here on do things much better.

Toffee1 12-18-2013 02:35 PM

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. They echo what I already know. I don't want to spoil this holiday and it is just a romantic deluded view of alcohol that makes me think that it will be the icing on the cake. It is another 6 weeks or so away which will give me a little more time to strengthen my resolve. I really don't want to waste what I have managed to achieve so far. I guess I just needed a little reassurance from my SR family. Keep well everyone.

Toffee1 12-18-2013 02:38 PM

Forgot to say I will keep rereading this thread before I go and whilst over there to keep myself focused on my goal. I do not drink alcohol now and will never drink alcohol again,no matter what!

freshstart57 12-18-2013 06:28 PM

That there sounds like a heckuva plan you have there, Toffee1. As Carl said, we can keep any action of drinking on the downlow by remembering this choice, this most solemn vow, that you just made.

I will offer that you can accompany this with some mindfulness, viewing your thoughts as though you were an impartial observer, like a fly on the wall. This helps when you are learning to recognize the AV in all its guises. Just remember that AV definition, and that should cover most eventualities.

Keep your eye on the prize. It is not just being sober, but being free to be you. You can do it. And it is all up to you. Onward!


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:10 AM.