Returning
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North of England
Posts: 1,442
Returning
Hello all. I quite drinking in August of this year and started going to AA meetings four times a week. I posted here regularly too - some of you may remember me.
I stayed sober for almost three months and towards the end I dropped one of the meetings, and started to drink in the evenings when I got home from the others. Not huge amounts but that is besides the point - I drink alcoholically and out of dependency, so I wasn't even pretending to myself I could control it. Three weeks ago I stopped going to meetings and started drinking every night again - a bottle and a half of wine most nights.
It has dawned on me today that this is a dead end. I am not at any sort of rock bottom or anything right now, but where does it go from here? Only down hill as far as I can see.
One of the reasons I caved in was the flatness of mood I felt when sober. I really want to find a way to deal with that. Perhaps I expected too much too soon. But I am stopping drinking again and I am determined to 'break on through to the other side', in terms of mood. I am meeting an AA buddy this afternoon for a coffee and I will go to a meeting tomorrow night.
Will post here too. Thanks all.
I stayed sober for almost three months and towards the end I dropped one of the meetings, and started to drink in the evenings when I got home from the others. Not huge amounts but that is besides the point - I drink alcoholically and out of dependency, so I wasn't even pretending to myself I could control it. Three weeks ago I stopped going to meetings and started drinking every night again - a bottle and a half of wine most nights.
It has dawned on me today that this is a dead end. I am not at any sort of rock bottom or anything right now, but where does it go from here? Only down hill as far as I can see.
One of the reasons I caved in was the flatness of mood I felt when sober. I really want to find a way to deal with that. Perhaps I expected too much too soon. But I am stopping drinking again and I am determined to 'break on through to the other side', in terms of mood. I am meeting an AA buddy this afternoon for a coffee and I will go to a meeting tomorrow night.
Will post here too. Thanks all.
home sweetheart Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi. Welcome back. I did what you describe too many times and totally learned about the first drink getting me drunk even weeks later. I heard the pounding of meetings, meetings, meetings but I had terminal uniqueness until I got sick and tired of being sick and tired and started following a path that worked for me and millions of others. Today I'm grateful for having no desire to drink for many years.
BE WELL
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 559
hey mentium. i slipped too. i know exactly why and i know i manipulated it. i'm back to a meeting tonight. i think things are done with my husband - i pulled my classic disappearing act and he was terrified. again.
let's go for this one more time, shall we?
let's go for this one more time, shall we?
Faith and reason
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: London
Posts: 941
I remember you Mentium. Welcome back 
My last relapse didn't end with what people might think of as a rock bottom - I was just really ready to quit drinking this time round. Really wanting to quit and being desperate enough to throw myself more into AA was my "bottom" if you will. It sounds like you're also genuinely committed to quitting and doing the footwork this time round so don't worry about not having a traditional "rock bottom".
My last relapse didn't end with what people might think of as a rock bottom - I was just really ready to quit drinking this time round. Really wanting to quit and being desperate enough to throw myself more into AA was my "bottom" if you will. It sounds like you're also genuinely committed to quitting and doing the footwork this time round so don't worry about not having a traditional "rock bottom".
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Glasgow, UK
Posts: 362
Welcome back Mentium. You were one of the first familiar faces when I started coming back to SR. Good to see you on here again! Know what you mean about the flatness of mood at times but I sure as hell don't miss the drama!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome back Mentium. Sounds like you have a good plan to meet with your AA friend and get back to meetings assuming that they were working for you. Everyone is different, for me it took many months to start being able to deal with issues and stress without thinking about drinking. Beer was an intergral part of my life for decades, so it's kind of foolhardy to assume that everything would somehow magically get better in a couple of months.
In the long run it is absolutely worth it though - and I hope you can find a way to achieve long term sobriety and happiness. Keeping up with SR daily would be of benefit along with your AA meetings if you have the time.
In the long run it is absolutely worth it though - and I hope you can find a way to achieve long term sobriety and happiness. Keeping up with SR daily would be of benefit along with your AA meetings if you have the time.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
As a longtime AA member, I've seen this same thing happen with hundreds of people every year. Nowhere in the program of AA does it suggest that we can recover from alcoholism by meeting attendance alone. The 12 Steps are what bring about the change needed for permanent, peaceful sobriety.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Good to see you Mentium (and ipochick) glad to have you both back!
Most of us had a relationship with booze, and when we take it out there is a hole in our lives, boredom where we used to count on meeting up with our old friend alcohol. It takes time, and usually effort to fill that space up with better things. It's a process, and we can help it along.
SO many people drink out of bordem, laziness, or habit. Our brains get stupid on booze, we forget how to live, what we ever did to have fun, or keep ourselves occupied. That can be the biggest challenge for some...to learn, or relearn how to live.
Many of us say "ok, I stopped drinking...NOW WHAT?" and sometimes plain old normal life seems like a dissappointing option.
It gets better, if we let it. If we are really willing to not return to drinking. If we are willing to try new things to fill the time and space booze once took. If we are willing to let ourselves feel things without running to booze to make ourselves feel differently.
Meetings, step work, hanging out on SR are some ways many of us find productive during early sobriety.
Most of us had a relationship with booze, and when we take it out there is a hole in our lives, boredom where we used to count on meeting up with our old friend alcohol. It takes time, and usually effort to fill that space up with better things. It's a process, and we can help it along.
SO many people drink out of bordem, laziness, or habit. Our brains get stupid on booze, we forget how to live, what we ever did to have fun, or keep ourselves occupied. That can be the biggest challenge for some...to learn, or relearn how to live.
Many of us say "ok, I stopped drinking...NOW WHAT?" and sometimes plain old normal life seems like a dissappointing option.
It gets better, if we let it. If we are really willing to not return to drinking. If we are willing to try new things to fill the time and space booze once took. If we are willing to let ourselves feel things without running to booze to make ourselves feel differently.
Meetings, step work, hanging out on SR are some ways many of us find productive during early sobriety.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North of England
Posts: 1,442
Thanks all for the welcomes! Met with my AA friend this afternoon. I like and respect him a lot and he was supportive without being too 'never mind' about it. We agreed I would drive us to a meeting about 20 miles away tomorrow evening.
A lot of good advice in the above too. I have always struggled with AA as a system as I am an atheist and some of the internal contradictions just scream at me at times, but it is the only game in town in my neck of the woods. I try see the Steps as a way of dealing with the demons that may have made alcohol an attractive 'solution' to me. Unfortunately I had not given it enough time I fancy and the demons were and are still lurking there. Booze knocked them out for a few hours every night..though paradoxically they seem to come back stronger than ever if one goes that route.
One thing I have learnt is the power of regular attendance at meetings - for me at least. I tailed them off as my motivation diminished - or perhaps it was the other way around - either way I am going back to them.
Thanks yet again..
A lot of good advice in the above too. I have always struggled with AA as a system as I am an atheist and some of the internal contradictions just scream at me at times, but it is the only game in town in my neck of the woods. I try see the Steps as a way of dealing with the demons that may have made alcohol an attractive 'solution' to me. Unfortunately I had not given it enough time I fancy and the demons were and are still lurking there. Booze knocked them out for a few hours every night..though paradoxically they seem to come back stronger than ever if one goes that route.
One thing I have learnt is the power of regular attendance at meetings - for me at least. I tailed them off as my motivation diminished - or perhaps it was the other way around - either way I am going back to them.
Thanks yet again..
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Hey Mentium ,
nice to see you back
.. took 6 months completely sober before a depression / dysthymia went for me .. might be like that for you ? Dysthymia co-occurs quite often with drug abuse or alcoholism .
Bestwishes, m
nice to see you back
.. took 6 months completely sober before a depression / dysthymia went for me .. might be like that for you ? Dysthymia co-occurs quite often with drug abuse or alcoholism .Bestwishes, m
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