New / Day 5 / Question
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 49
@purpleknight, I don't expect you to understand OCD, but in my mind, there's this one bottle I have. If I don't drink it, something terrible will happen. If I do drink it, all is fine.
It seems screwed up, but it's a variation of people who wash their hands 200 times a day or need to check a switch exactly 19 times.
It's OCD. Though I'm not afraid, within this disease, the fate of the world depends on me drinking this one bottle of wine tomorrow. Which will need to be after 6am, since that's a new day. But I'll go for 4PM to be sure.
This is the only area I OCD about, but it's very heavy. I see the unrealistic part. But that doesn't help.
Soon I'll be leaving this forum out of shame though...
It seems screwed up, but it's a variation of people who wash their hands 200 times a day or need to check a switch exactly 19 times.
It's OCD. Though I'm not afraid, within this disease, the fate of the world depends on me drinking this one bottle of wine tomorrow. Which will need to be after 6am, since that's a new day. But I'll go for 4PM to be sure.
This is the only area I OCD about, but it's very heavy. I see the unrealistic part. But that doesn't help.
Soon I'll be leaving this forum out of shame though...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
My concern happyperson is that you'll drink that 1 bottle of wine and it'll spiral into another, you'll cut yourself off from the world and end up in a worse place, trust me, i have been in that place.
If I knew that you'd never touch a drop of alcohol after that 1 bottle, then I'd say fine, go for it, but alcohol is a powerful drug, who knows what you'll be feeling this time tomorrow!
But if you can assure me that you'll be back online, feeling not ashamed, feeling not guilty, then go for it, I'll see you tomorrow night, sober and beginning Day 1, if not, then you need to reconsider consuming that bottle of wine!!
If I knew that you'd never touch a drop of alcohol after that 1 bottle, then I'd say fine, go for it, but alcohol is a powerful drug, who knows what you'll be feeling this time tomorrow!
But if you can assure me that you'll be back online, feeling not ashamed, feeling not guilty, then go for it, I'll see you tomorrow night, sober and beginning Day 1, if not, then you need to reconsider consuming that bottle of wine!!
Journey to Freedom
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Southern US
Posts: 323
I felt very much the same way about Tramadol. I knew that if I didn't take it, something awful would happen, and I would feel physically and mentally awful about it. It wasn't until I stopped taking the pills that I discovered that I was actually wrong.
Happy, have you seen a doctor for this? In the end you are going to have to decide what is best for you, and no amount of pushing or suggesting from anyone is going to help. You're fighting yourself right now. We're here to support, not to push you into something you have no desire to do.
I hope you won't drink that bottle. And you don't have to leave. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are among people who have done the same thing you are doing right now. We want to help. But first you have to help yourself.
Happy, have you seen a doctor for this? In the end you are going to have to decide what is best for you, and no amount of pushing or suggesting from anyone is going to help. You're fighting yourself right now. We're here to support, not to push you into something you have no desire to do.
I hope you won't drink that bottle. And you don't have to leave. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are among people who have done the same thing you are doing right now. We want to help. But first you have to help yourself.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
@LiaAc and @Dee74, I feel like I can't stop
One thing to add is, and people will think I'm weird for this, I have severe OCD. I have to quit in one specific way at one specific moment. I need to drink one bottle of wine tomorrow otherwise something globally terrible will happen.
Call me nuts. Call me whatever. It's OCD combined with alcoholism. I'm simply being honest here.
One thing to add is, and people will think I'm weird for this, I have severe OCD. I have to quit in one specific way at one specific moment. I need to drink one bottle of wine tomorrow otherwise something globally terrible will happen.
Call me nuts. Call me whatever. It's OCD combined with alcoholism. I'm simply being honest here.
I'm not dismissing your OCD at all when I say that - but the fact is there's a lot of people here, and elsewhere, with alcoholism and OCD who don't drink anymore.
If OCD is a contributing factor to your alcoholism then you need to address that too - without delay.
the point remains that drinking all the booze and maybe going out for more & gettign into fights like you mentioned on the other thread, is a very bad idea - OCD or not.
Most of us have other factors to deal with besides our alcoholism.
We can let them define us and dictate to us, or we can be reasonable and adult and get help for them.
You can make other choices, HappyPerson
D
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 49
Respectfully Dee, don't underestimate OCD. It's a terrible disease. For me, there are no other factors besides the alcoholism anymore. I just can't quit on a Friday, Saturday or Sunday or a Holiday, otherwise something terrible will happen. That's what goes on in the mind of someone who has OCD.
And it's powerful. All-consuming. So powerful that you'd lose sleep over it. It's completely irrational but it still has an impact.
For me, I quit and slipped, and I need to look for the next opportunity to quit to fit my OCD patterns, which is after drinking another bottle of wine, specifically tomorrow. It has to be done before 12PM though.
Sorry, this sounds nuts but is an actual problem out there.
And it's powerful. All-consuming. So powerful that you'd lose sleep over it. It's completely irrational but it still has an impact.
For me, I quit and slipped, and I need to look for the next opportunity to quit to fit my OCD patterns, which is after drinking another bottle of wine, specifically tomorrow. It has to be done before 12PM though.
Sorry, this sounds nuts but is an actual problem out there.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 49
@purpleknight, if you don't make fun of my OCD, it's after exactly one bottle of Merlot after I've sobered up and it's at least two day away from a Sunday, unless there's a Holiday in between. Which would make me need to drink a bottle of Merlot tomorrow since today I had beer.
People really do have this problem. OCD is a real disorder and it manifests in many ways, including this one.
People really do have this problem. OCD is a real disorder and it manifests in many ways, including this one.
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: OZ
Posts: 2,055
I feel for you and it sounds awfully debilitating but I don't really understand happyperson, I have some questions if you don't mind me asking.
•Does it have to be a bottle of merlot or can you substitute it for like a bottle og ginger beer, coke?
•can you use your OCD to your advantage like I can only drink on days that don't end in a y.?
•Does it have to be a bottle of merlot or can you substitute it for like a bottle og ginger beer, coke?
•can you use your OCD to your advantage like I can only drink on days that don't end in a y.?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
Like I said I wasn't downplaying your problem at all, just sharing my experience with using a very real and valid problem as an excuse to drink.
The fact remains, HappyPerson - there are people on this board with OCD who got sober - all I'm suggesting is you can be one of them too.
I hope you'll re-read this thread again - perhaps tomorrow - and see that, although I might be challenging you, I'm in no way putting you down or dismissing your very real problem.
I hope you'll decide to do something about your OCD and your alcoholism cos they seem to be taking you to some very dark places.
D
The fact remains, HappyPerson - there are people on this board with OCD who got sober - all I'm suggesting is you can be one of them too.
I hope you'll re-read this thread again - perhaps tomorrow - and see that, although I might be challenging you, I'm in no way putting you down or dismissing your very real problem.
I hope you'll decide to do something about your OCD and your alcoholism cos they seem to be taking you to some very dark places.
D
Originally Posted by happyperson 
Respectfully Dee, don't underestimate OCD. It's a terrible disease. For me, there are no other factors besides the alcoholism anymore. I just can't quit on a Friday, Saturday or Sunday or a Holiday, otherwise something terrible will happen. That's what goes on in the mind of someone who has OCD.
And it's powerful. All-consuming. So powerful that you'd lose sleep over it. It's completely irrational but it still has an impact.
For me, I quit and slipped, and I need to look for the next opportunity to quit to fit my OCD patterns, which is after drinking another bottle of wine, specifically tomorrow. It has to be done before 12PM though.
Sorry, this sounds nuts but is an actual problem out there.
And it's powerful. All-consuming. So powerful that you'd lose sleep over it. It's completely irrational but it still has an impact.
For me, I quit and slipped, and I need to look for the next opportunity to quit to fit my OCD patterns, which is after drinking another bottle of wine, specifically tomorrow. It has to be done before 12PM though.
Sorry, this sounds nuts but is an actual problem out there.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 49
Originally Posted by Notimetoloose
I feel for you and it sounds awfully debilitating but I don't really understand happyperson, I have some questions if you don't mind me asking.
•Does it have to be a bottle of merlot or can you substitute it for like a bottle og ginger beer, coke?
•can you use your OCD to your advantage like I can only drink on days that don't end in a y.?
•Does it have to be a bottle of merlot or can you substitute it for like a bottle og ginger beer, coke?
•can you use your OCD to your advantage like I can only drink on days that don't end in a y.?
Using OCD to your advantage is impossible. The choices made regarding it aren't made entirely consciously.
For example, if I were to quit the day before Christmas, it would mean something terrible. So I would need to drink another bottle on a neutral day.
I don't expect people who don't have OCD to understand this, but it's real.
It's also Friday the 13th's, the day before and after them, for example.
When I first attempted to quit, it was on the perfect date until I discovered something wrong with it. And there would be negative consequences if I didn't follow that.
It's a real disorder, please don't dismiss it.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 49
Thanks Dee. You're right. It's a heavy disease though. Once broken, it looses it's power. But breaking it can be a bit of a challenge.
Anyway, if I drink my last bottle of Merlot tomorrow, it's ok within my OCD. I've tried to do other things outside it and it lead to severe panic attacks. And feeling like I, for example, was responsible for Mandela's death.
This sounds nuts to people who don't know about it, but it's how OCD works.
Anyway, if I drink my last bottle of Merlot tomorrow, it's ok within my OCD. I've tried to do other things outside it and it lead to severe panic attacks. And feeling like I, for example, was responsible for Mandela's death.
This sounds nuts to people who don't know about it, but it's how OCD works.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 1,443
I am wondering, happy, if you have sought medical advice re: the OCD. I am quite familiar with it, and not dismissing it in any way...but, it seems as if you might need to address the OCD first? Just a thought....
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@trudgingagain I haven't sought medical advice regarding the OCD yet. I should though. It's the smart thing to do.
It's like when people need to flip the light switch 8 times, need to clean, need to breathe deeply exactly 9 times perfectly before they enter a meeting. To ward of disaster. For me it's drinking and quitting at the perfect moment in the perfect way.
Today I realized that I couldn't quit today because something happened yesterday that makes it so that I would drink for the last time on a day that that happened, meaning it could be something terrible. So the first thing I did today was drink Merlot. I'll have to adjust my sober date again.
I know this all sounds irrational and that's what it is. I had seen some things on TV years ago about this disorder, before I had it myself. And it didn't make sense to me. But now that I have it, I know what it's like.
Anyway, I really need to get some help with this. I've Googled about treatments and it can be treated quite well.
It's like when people need to flip the light switch 8 times, need to clean, need to breathe deeply exactly 9 times perfectly before they enter a meeting. To ward of disaster. For me it's drinking and quitting at the perfect moment in the perfect way.
Today I realized that I couldn't quit today because something happened yesterday that makes it so that I would drink for the last time on a day that that happened, meaning it could be something terrible. So the first thing I did today was drink Merlot. I'll have to adjust my sober date again.
I know this all sounds irrational and that's what it is. I had seen some things on TV years ago about this disorder, before I had it myself. And it didn't make sense to me. But now that I have it, I know what it's like.
Anyway, I really need to get some help with this. I've Googled about treatments and it can be treated quite well.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
Originally Posted by happyperson
@trudgingagain I haven't sought medical advice regarding the OCD yet. I should though. It's the smart thing to do.
It's like when people need to flip the light switch 8 times, need to clean, need to breathe deeply exactly 9 times perfectly before they enter a meeting. To ward of disaster. For me it's drinking and quitting at the perfect moment in the perfect way.
Today I realized that I couldn't quit today because something happened yesterday that makes it so that I would drink for the last time on a day that that happened, meaning it could be something terrible. So the first thing I did today was drink Merlot. I'll have to adjust my sober date again.
I know this all sounds irrational and that's what it is. I had seen some things on TV years ago about this disorder, before I had it myself. And it didn't make sense to me. But now that I have it, I know what it's like.
Anyway, I really need to get some help with this. I've Googled about treatments and it can be treated quite well.
It's like when people need to flip the light switch 8 times, need to clean, need to breathe deeply exactly 9 times perfectly before they enter a meeting. To ward of disaster. For me it's drinking and quitting at the perfect moment in the perfect way.
Today I realized that I couldn't quit today because something happened yesterday that makes it so that I would drink for the last time on a day that that happened, meaning it could be something terrible. So the first thing I did today was drink Merlot. I'll have to adjust my sober date again.
I know this all sounds irrational and that's what it is. I had seen some things on TV years ago about this disorder, before I had it myself. And it didn't make sense to me. But now that I have it, I know what it's like.
Anyway, I really need to get some help with this. I've Googled about treatments and it can be treated quite well.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 5
Sounds like you have a start date then, if tomorrow's your last day and it's okay for the day after that? I know you can do it, if you really want to. Our words and our thoughts have an uncanny ability to forge reality. Don't convince yourself it's not possible, unless of course you don't really want to stop.
Best of luck my thoughts are with you.
Best of luck my thoughts are with you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 1,443
Yes, as I said...I am quite familiar with it and understand....and, indeed there are successful medical treatments available....so, if medical treatment is what you think you need prior to being able to quit drinking (due to the OCD) then....it seems to me, anyway, that if you really want to quit drinking...you need to take some action. Just my two cents....all the best...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 388
Thank you for the honesty. If OCD is in the mix, there is another reason to see a doctor- for the alcohol withdraw and management of the OCD. Seriouslt, I agree with all my fellow warriors- choose NOT to drink today- 24 hours- handle tomorrow as it comes.
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Join Date: Nov 2013
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Hey, Happy. First, all I can do is share my experience, so I'm not saying you are 100% the same way, but it could help generate reflection. I literally spent the last 6 or so years looking for that "perfect" moment. Sometimes, I'd get a day or two in (2 times I actually got 4 day in), but something always came up. "Oh no, the refrigerator broke, too stressful. I get back to being sober after its fixed." or "Oh no, the cat is running around the house, keeping me from getting to sleep. I'll start tomorrow once he settles down." Those are not jokes-they really happened, I really said that to myself. It went on and on for me, endless searching for a perfect moment. My big moment came when I kind of did like Purpleknight suggests--f-it, sobriety starts now, the work starts now, and I don't care if the four horseman of the apocalypse are roaring up my driveway, I'm going to stop now, and put in the work to maintain sobriety. I'm not saying that you are not OCD. Talk to your doc or counselor about that--they can help. My experience was that I wasted YEARS looking for a moment that did not exist, and I don't want that to happen to you. Good luck to you, friend. You can do this. We are all in this together.
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