My Story - DaughterNeedsMe
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 5
My Story - DaughterNeedsMe
Good Morning, SR.
I've been reading posts since early morning and decided now was my turn to open up. I feel talking about my problems would be therapeutic. I'm terribly sorry if this becomes a huge novel.
I've been drinking for 11 years. It started harmlessly then slowly began to spiral out of control. Within the past year, it has become so bad I scare myself when I think back to what I did the previous day(s). My doctor called me to go back and have blood tests again and I know good and well its from my drinking. That was in July and I never went back to redo my lab work.
I have a daughter (5yrs old). She means the world to me and I would do anything and everything for her. She's the main reason I need to stop drinking. I'm missing out on everything because I'm either drunk or hung-over. So far, each time I've went to her school plays, lunches, open house, etc. I have been hung-over and miserable, instead of sober and having fun with her. If I don't drink, I feel on edge about everything and sometimes get angry with her over things I really shouldn't.
I drink and drive. Everyday. I buy a huge bottle of wine, drink it all in about an hour (or less) then go back to the store for beer or more wine. Sometimes my daughter is with me when I've been drinking and decide to drive somewhere. Its terrifying when I think back about all the times I've done this and "what could have happened." Once in the car, my daughter in the back seat, I had to ask her where we were going because I had forgotten. Basically, my five year old takes care of me instead of the other way around.
I'm broke. I spend over a hundred dollars a week on alcohol. My husband is the only one working right now (I start my new job the first week of January). My family is missing out on fun activities, toys, etc. because I am drinking our money away. I had to borrow $200 from my father (MY FATHER!!
) because our bank account was overdrawn. One week before Christmas and I'm borrowing money because I'm an irresponsible adult. Its pathetic. I'm pathetic. I'm selling items on craigslist, etsy, ebay, facebook etc. just to try and make a little money to keep in my bank account.
I'm not the same person I used to be. I used to be funny, loving, humble, always caring about others and putting them first. Now I'm depressed, filled with anxiety, forgetful, not caring about whether I leave my home or not. I'm 100lbs overweight and sleep my mornings, afternoons away. I rarely eat, basically "drinking" my meals. Thousands of calories in wine and just sleeping away my days have taken a toll on my body and my attitude. I've lost all my friends. There is one friend I can call if I want to go out. Most of the time she tells me no. She never calls to ask me to go out, and who could blame her. I'm probably horribly embarrassing to go out with. Especially, considering I drink before going out to drink.
I do not go to church, but know I should. I have lost my faith and question if there really is a God. I read a quote stating alcohol fills the void where faith should be (or something like that... terrible memory). My family goes to church every Wednesday and I sit home and drink. Typically, out of it by the time they get home at 8:00pm. If that's not a one way ticket to hell, I don't know what is. I used to go to church every Sunday. My aunt & grandmother ask me all the time to join them at church on Sunday mornings; however, I decline. I would be too horribly hung-over to get up that early.
My husband is at his wits end with me and my drinking. His teenage son and daughter from a previous marriage live with us and I rarely get along with them. I'm a horrible person to them when I've been drinking. Even though I tell myself I drink so I can tolerate them (just one of my many excuses to drink). When I don't drink, I just want them to leave me alone. My husband asks me everyday, "How much have you had to drink today." "I can see it in your eyes." "You're slurring your words." Of course, I always lie about how much I've drank. I never drink in front of him because he will criticize me. Which started my drinking in the car, hiding out drinking in my room. I know I drink way more when I'm hiding it from him, but drinking in front of him is not an option.
Today is day one for me. I just keep thinking about my daughter and how much she needs her mother in her life. I keep telling myself, drinking is NOT an option anymore. Not for Holidays, bad days, weekends, etc. It just CANNOT happen. I will keep myself busy cleaning (Lord knows theres a lot of that to be done around here), laundry, making crafts, spending time on SR, playing with and teaching my daughter, exercising and enjoying my life. I want the old me back and I'm going to do my very best to make that happen.
Wow, I've been typing for over 45 minutes. Whew. If you made it all the way through my post, THANK YOU and I'm sorry it was SO long. I feel better getting this out there and being able to "talk" about everything that I have been keeping to myself.
I hope you all have a wonderful day/week/holiday.
I've been reading posts since early morning and decided now was my turn to open up. I feel talking about my problems would be therapeutic. I'm terribly sorry if this becomes a huge novel.
I've been drinking for 11 years. It started harmlessly then slowly began to spiral out of control. Within the past year, it has become so bad I scare myself when I think back to what I did the previous day(s). My doctor called me to go back and have blood tests again and I know good and well its from my drinking. That was in July and I never went back to redo my lab work.
I have a daughter (5yrs old). She means the world to me and I would do anything and everything for her. She's the main reason I need to stop drinking. I'm missing out on everything because I'm either drunk or hung-over. So far, each time I've went to her school plays, lunches, open house, etc. I have been hung-over and miserable, instead of sober and having fun with her. If I don't drink, I feel on edge about everything and sometimes get angry with her over things I really shouldn't.
I drink and drive. Everyday. I buy a huge bottle of wine, drink it all in about an hour (or less) then go back to the store for beer or more wine. Sometimes my daughter is with me when I've been drinking and decide to drive somewhere. Its terrifying when I think back about all the times I've done this and "what could have happened." Once in the car, my daughter in the back seat, I had to ask her where we were going because I had forgotten. Basically, my five year old takes care of me instead of the other way around.
I'm broke. I spend over a hundred dollars a week on alcohol. My husband is the only one working right now (I start my new job the first week of January). My family is missing out on fun activities, toys, etc. because I am drinking our money away. I had to borrow $200 from my father (MY FATHER!!
) because our bank account was overdrawn. One week before Christmas and I'm borrowing money because I'm an irresponsible adult. Its pathetic. I'm pathetic. I'm selling items on craigslist, etsy, ebay, facebook etc. just to try and make a little money to keep in my bank account. I'm not the same person I used to be. I used to be funny, loving, humble, always caring about others and putting them first. Now I'm depressed, filled with anxiety, forgetful, not caring about whether I leave my home or not. I'm 100lbs overweight and sleep my mornings, afternoons away. I rarely eat, basically "drinking" my meals. Thousands of calories in wine and just sleeping away my days have taken a toll on my body and my attitude. I've lost all my friends. There is one friend I can call if I want to go out. Most of the time she tells me no. She never calls to ask me to go out, and who could blame her. I'm probably horribly embarrassing to go out with. Especially, considering I drink before going out to drink.
I do not go to church, but know I should. I have lost my faith and question if there really is a God. I read a quote stating alcohol fills the void where faith should be (or something like that... terrible memory). My family goes to church every Wednesday and I sit home and drink. Typically, out of it by the time they get home at 8:00pm. If that's not a one way ticket to hell, I don't know what is. I used to go to church every Sunday. My aunt & grandmother ask me all the time to join them at church on Sunday mornings; however, I decline. I would be too horribly hung-over to get up that early.
My husband is at his wits end with me and my drinking. His teenage son and daughter from a previous marriage live with us and I rarely get along with them. I'm a horrible person to them when I've been drinking. Even though I tell myself I drink so I can tolerate them (just one of my many excuses to drink). When I don't drink, I just want them to leave me alone. My husband asks me everyday, "How much have you had to drink today." "I can see it in your eyes." "You're slurring your words." Of course, I always lie about how much I've drank. I never drink in front of him because he will criticize me. Which started my drinking in the car, hiding out drinking in my room. I know I drink way more when I'm hiding it from him, but drinking in front of him is not an option.
Today is day one for me. I just keep thinking about my daughter and how much she needs her mother in her life. I keep telling myself, drinking is NOT an option anymore. Not for Holidays, bad days, weekends, etc. It just CANNOT happen. I will keep myself busy cleaning (Lord knows theres a lot of that to be done around here), laundry, making crafts, spending time on SR, playing with and teaching my daughter, exercising and enjoying my life. I want the old me back and I'm going to do my very best to make that happen.
Wow, I've been typing for over 45 minutes. Whew. If you made it all the way through my post, THANK YOU and I'm sorry it was SO long. I feel better getting this out there and being able to "talk" about everything that I have been keeping to myself.
I hope you all have a wonderful day/week/holiday.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Engerland
Posts: 897
Hello
Well done for sharing this.
Lots of inspiration here and practical advice on how to turn your life around.
Our stories are different but the problem is the same....
Stopping drinking is the start of everybody's recovery and mending. Getting some medical help with the withdrawal is a smart move.
You can do this and you will find lots of identification here.
Read on and have hope.
Your life can get a heck of a lot better!!!
G
Well done for sharing this.
Lots of inspiration here and practical advice on how to turn your life around.
Our stories are different but the problem is the same....
Stopping drinking is the start of everybody's recovery and mending. Getting some medical help with the withdrawal is a smart move.
You can do this and you will find lots of identification here.
Read on and have hope.
Your life can get a heck of a lot better!!!
G
to SR! You'll find a lot of support here. Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Hang in there. It sounds like you are sick and tired of being sick and tired. Have you seen a doctor? Wine withdrawal and hangovers can get uncomfortable and a doctor can help monitor you. If you think you can't afford it think of what you spend on alcohol and decide which is more important. Your health and well being or the bottle.
I drank like that before. Numbing up really good. Snapping at my kids. Not being there for anyone. Including myself. You can get better. You can stop. Keep telling yourself drinking is not an option. I am off to chaperone a field trip of kindergartners. Not something that I would have or could have done over a month ago.
Hang in there.
I drank like that before. Numbing up really good. Snapping at my kids. Not being there for anyone. Including myself. You can get better. You can stop. Keep telling yourself drinking is not an option. I am off to chaperone a field trip of kindergartners. Not something that I would have or could have done over a month ago.
Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 426
Reading your post breaks my heart. I have children also, and i have missed out on a lot because i put the wine first. I will be praying for you as you begin this awesome journey. Keep coming here and posting. We have all been there.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Sunny Florida
Posts: 304
This makes me sad. Please stop now so that you won't regret missing out on your family later. I don't mean to be harsh as I have the same problem(drinking to excess) but I don't want you to miss out on your daughters life. I will be praying for you. Just stop today and worry bout tomorrow..tomorrow Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,649
Hi and welcome. Your post was so honest and straightforward. You can do this and we are all here to help and recover with you. There is a thread here called the twenty four hour thread, where you promise not to drink for 24 more hours. It has helped me so much. I will be praying for your and your family. Again, welcome and thanks for sharing.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Welcome to SR.
It is very brave of you to take the step to come here -be proud of yourself for taking that much needed step. I'm also a mother and have a 4 year old. I knew I didn't want him growing up seeing me drinking, or worse me not see him grow up at all because I was dead from drinking or had my child removed from my care .There are many women on here whose children have been taken from them because of drinking.
Whilst I got sober for him first I soon realized I prefer being sober so stay sober for me now.
I also suffered terrible anxiety,depression and nervous fear. Fear of the old,fear of my current life and fear of the future. I drank to hide,to forget, to just disappear. Now I'm sober my anxiety has virtually disappeared - I didn't expect that but now see that alcohol causes anxiety,it doesn't cure it.
I;m just over a year sober now and life is so so much better. It's been a year full of ups and downs. It's not perfect, I have good days and bad but I'm much better able to deal with the bad stuff sober. Each morning I wake full of hope and not fear and dread as I used to. My life is quite serene now,not full of drama, panic and fear all the time.
You can also have this. You've made the first step coming here -do whatever you need to do to stay sober, Take it a day at a time in the early days-don't overthink it. You will soon see physical and mental positive changes which will inspire you to keep going.
I'd recommend joining the December class too so you'll be ableto share yourjourney with people at the same stage as you .x
It is very brave of you to take the step to come here -be proud of yourself for taking that much needed step. I'm also a mother and have a 4 year old. I knew I didn't want him growing up seeing me drinking, or worse me not see him grow up at all because I was dead from drinking or had my child removed from my care .There are many women on here whose children have been taken from them because of drinking.
Whilst I got sober for him first I soon realized I prefer being sober so stay sober for me now.
I also suffered terrible anxiety,depression and nervous fear. Fear of the old,fear of my current life and fear of the future. I drank to hide,to forget, to just disappear. Now I'm sober my anxiety has virtually disappeared - I didn't expect that but now see that alcohol causes anxiety,it doesn't cure it.
I;m just over a year sober now and life is so so much better. It's been a year full of ups and downs. It's not perfect, I have good days and bad but I'm much better able to deal with the bad stuff sober. Each morning I wake full of hope and not fear and dread as I used to. My life is quite serene now,not full of drama, panic and fear all the time.
You can also have this. You've made the first step coming here -do whatever you need to do to stay sober, Take it a day at a time in the early days-don't overthink it. You will soon see physical and mental positive changes which will inspire you to keep going.
I'd recommend joining the December class too so you'll be ableto share yourjourney with people at the same stage as you .x
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Nottingham (UK)
Posts: 2,690
Hey sweetheart, you won't find any hostility here - we're all on your side
I feel for you and please take this the right way, but the school WILL notice if you're not careful. It happened to me and although I 'got away with it', it was humiliating at the time.
Please be careful, have a wonderful sober Christmas - trust me, the years fly by SO fast - my youngest is 18 now and I wish I had stayed sober through her childhood Christmas's - I think back to the magic of her face when 'santa' had visited and all I could think of was 'It's Christmas, it's ok to drink while making lunch
Don't waste those precious times, please!
I feel for you and please take this the right way, but the school WILL notice if you're not careful. It happened to me and although I 'got away with it', it was humiliating at the time.
Please be careful, have a wonderful sober Christmas - trust me, the years fly by SO fast - my youngest is 18 now and I wish I had stayed sober through her childhood Christmas's - I think back to the magic of her face when 'santa' had visited and all I could think of was 'It's Christmas, it's ok to drink while making lunch
Don't waste those precious times, please!
Here's to a new life for you and your family 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
Welcome to SR, DaughterNeedsMe. There is an escape from your situation. There really is. Many of us are living proof of that. If you are ready to start your journey, this is a great place to be. Good luck. I am glad you are here with us. 
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 196
I quit for my girl too. She is so worth it. Luckily I didn't drink away her whole childhood. My final straw was when I got embarrassing drunk in front of one of her friends moms and I knew that woman would never let her daughter come over unsupervised. Luckily it was not a school friend so hopefully the damage was contained. Your daughter is worth it. Be grateful you are waking up before its too late. You can do it!
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
Welcome! Bookmark this post so that you can go back and read it if you ever feel like drinking again. I have a 4 year old, it's a magical time in their lives these younger years, it's the best gift you can give to your daughter, a sober mommy!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: State of Acceptance
Posts: 756
Welcome DaughterNeedsMe! So glad you stumbled upon up!!
Stick around here for a while and read and post. SR is a wonderful tool to use on the road to recovery. You are not alone. You are fighting a demon and you need to learn how to stand up to it and just stay "NO!"
I agree that rereading this post is something you should do whenever you get that "brilliant" idea to have just one... Your daughter needs you to be present. And, the consequences of your drinking do not improve while you continue to drink. It really is not worth it....
Just take it one day at a time.
And again, Welcome!!!
Stick around here for a while and read and post. SR is a wonderful tool to use on the road to recovery. You are not alone. You are fighting a demon and you need to learn how to stand up to it and just stay "NO!"
I agree that rereading this post is something you should do whenever you get that "brilliant" idea to have just one... Your daughter needs you to be present. And, the consequences of your drinking do not improve while you continue to drink. It really is not worth it....
Just take it one day at a time.
And again, Welcome!!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Your post really pulled on my heart strings. I know this feeling all too well. There is a way out of this madness. You are taking the first steps and that is all that is required. It is difficult in the beginning. Stay close and post often. This forum has been my main tool for maintaining my sobriety. Welcome!
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