strange state of mind
 

I’ve been in a strange state for a few days and have been thinking about posting about it. So here goes. I’m not down. I’m not up. I’m not up on the pink cloud, and I’m not trudging through the mire. While the pesky AV continues to chirp away, I’m a million miles away from listening, or acting. But I’m not happy, and not sad. It is almost like a strange lull, or perhaps a bit of shock? My mind had been, for so long, consumed with the tornado of addiction: desire to consume, shame and guild twhen I do, desire to quit, longing to be the person I want to be. Now, this part of the war is over (yet I know it could return at any moment), and here I am, fighting the next battle-staying sober, the commitment. I’m thankful, but celebration seems inappropriate. Does that make any sense? Perhaps this is actually rather simple: I’m just getting used to the full-range of sober existence again? Still, none of this is hitting it exactly. It’s like I’m in some middle-zone, limbo or something, wandering around an old crime scene, or returning from some sort of war. Anyone have any experience with this kind of state?

Hmm. . .another parallel I just thought of. In my yougner days, I did a bit of touring with my band. The longest I was out was 6 weeks. I feel now very similar to how it feels to be off the road. Like a long journey just abruptly ended, one whole different reality just came to a screeching halt (the road is another reality) and you are dropped into normal life. You feel like a creature in your own mind, part of the world, but looking in from a distance. . .Kind of like this, but also different. ???

In today's parlance, I feel ya dog

Best thing it probably to just be in the moment. Embrace the strange!:ring

Things will change with time , stick with doing the next right thing ,

:You_Rock_

Bestwishes, m

It's exactly like a limbo. I remember all I felt was APATHY. It's a quiet after the storm. I think there's a biological explanation all the ups and downs of early recovery. I think the mind/body need a break, a reprieve.

Try and just be its all part of the healing process. You're doing great!!!!

Yes I do experience what you are saying, but not on a constant level. I do feel like a stranger in my own skin. But I understand that part because I've been drinking for over 20 years. I must be a stranger, because I only let that person out during the daytime, and that person took half a day to get over the hangovers. I'm gonna be patient with myself and see where this takes me. I hope I get comfortable with my new self soon. Take care and thanks for the post.

I was part of a quit smoking forum once and they called it No Mans Land. It came about after you had gone through the first rough spots and everything in your being was about fighting. Once you started to see that you are winning, you have a bit of peace. But then the mood changes and you are just kinda left out there with no focus. You stopped drinking all the time, so now what? It doesn't take ALL of you will to no feed your addiction, but you still want too of course so it is kind of more of a heavy nag than like it was in the beginning. Also, anyone who isn't an addict you have beside you going through this can start losing interest, because in their mind it has been a month so you should be ok now, and they sorta stop paying attention.

I am not sure if this is what you are going through or not. We are both at a month and I am feeling sort of the same way. Just sorta here. I am blaming mine more on it being winter time and night time coming so soon after work. i really wish I had done this in the spring or summer lol.

Anyways, best of luck malcolm. You can get through this part just like you did the first part. For me, it isn't fun, but it is much easier than the first week, and we now have proof it does get better with time. Where will we be in another month? Sober, and with even more options than we have today compared to last month is my guess :)