Redfish

I've been drinking about a half a liter of Jack Daniels in the evening for about 21 years. I'm now 43. About 5 years ago I had this ingenious idea to stop drinking the "brown" stuff because I heard that was bad for your liver. So I got on the vodka and started actually drinking it during the day to stay normal and that was a first for me, but it was every day. It was just like the movie Flight. Poured half my cranberry juice out and filled the rest with vodka traveling with my boss. I had a full blown physical when I was 40 and specified to the dr to check my liver function. He asked why and then he did the full blown work up. Got the results back and was delighted that everything was normal. I didn't need to hear that. So from 40-42 I drank heavy everyday, but not wasted. Again, just to get rid of the withdrawal symptoms so nobody would know. On November 17th I woke up and was extremely week and would pass out if I walked 2 feet. I didn't know what the deal was. Then I started violently getting sick discharging major amounts of blood. Ended up in ICU for 5 days with 5 units of blood transfusions. I had developed ulcers in my esophagus and they ruptured. When I got out I had the full blown intervention with the family and i was off to rehab for 30 days. After about 10 days I NEVER felt better and I was so excited for my new life. No more than 15 days after the release I actually went back to the Jack Daniels. Then stopped after a couple of weeks and stuck with Vodka, wine, beer. For the last 10 months my drinking only consisted of about 2 glasses of wine in the evening. I didn't feel too bad during the day. I woke up 2 days ago and had paralysis in the left side of my face. I thought I had a stroke due to my elevated blood pressure at times. It scared the hell out of me. Went to the doctor and the first thing they did was check my blood pressure 230/150. These numbers are life threatening. They doped me up immediately and finally got it down to 170/120. Gave me several meds. They weren't even interested in why I couldn't move the left side of my face and my eye won't shut. I learned that it was Bell Palsy. So she wrote prescriptions for 7 different meds. She also said I was still going through withdrawals even though I was only having 2-3 glasses of wine an evening. Keep in mind I'm 6'4" and 205 lbs. With the medical issues I'm done and very scared. Not for me, but my family. My feelings were whatever happens is Gods will. I honestly didn't care, but now I do. They did full blood work yesterday and I have a Cat Scan on Monday just to be safe there was no mini stroke. This doctor scared the **** out of me. My father was a cardiologist on the Debakey team for 40 years and he has since passed. He would be furious with me for sticking my head in the sand and ignoring serious medical signs over the last couple of years.

So now I'm on bored to do this. I really don't have a choice unless I want to die. I've already done tremendous damage to my body. If you looked at me you wouldn't think so as I do exercise every day and I'm very fit. Alcohol is so evil I can't stand it. I can't believe something so evil can get a hold of me like it has to so many others. My goal is to continue to put God first and stay involved in my church, then family (kids), and then work, and exercise. I'm going to keep myself busy. I did AA for years, but I don't believe it's for me. My opinion it's more like a cult. And yes I did all 12 steps twice in the passed and got in to a men's prayer group at my church. I'm going to put all my faith in God and my family. Currently with the meds I feel fine. I CAN NOT DRINK AGAIN. I CAN NOT DRINK EVER EVER EVER AGAIN...................... Thanks to everyone for listening and any support you can give me. May the God of yoru choice bless you. Amen.

sharon801

well done on day 1 i am on day 13 good luck and dont give up trying

Anna

Yes, drinking is no longer an option! I'm glad you are choosing sobriety.

DramaStudent

Keep it up buddy, you know you can do this

PurpleKnight

You can do this!!

hayley86

Welcome Redfish, there is tons of support here. Glad you have joined us.

ScottFromWI

Hi redfish, glad you are making the choice to get sober. As you we'll know, some of us ignore even the most dire of physical symptoms and even potential death is not a deterrent. Have you made any plans for recovery other than using the fears of physical consequences as a deterrent?

Raider

Good luck to you.

GreenBear

Welcome aboard RedFish...Day3 for Me

girlsearching

Once you experience the physical effects it is having on your body, you have to stop. I am not where you are for certain, but I know I was feeling so run down and my insides ached I had to make a change. I feel better already, but I know if I put any more poison in my body I could do further damage and that is not a risk I am willing to take. I just got word this week that two people I know are on a list for a liver transplant. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I don't want to be that person. I can only hope I have not done permanent damage to my body. Hang in there....your life depends on it.

Dee74

I had a similar experience redfish - I had several mini strokes and I'll never be quite the same again. There's nothing like nearly dying to concentrate the mind.

There's a number of recovery approaches here on SR, including AA, but many others too.

No ones ever going to force you into anything at all - we just ask that you respect others beliefs as you'd expect them to respect yours

good to have you with us
D

Thepatman

We are with you Redfish. Post a much as you need!

Mel12

Congratulations on your decisive thinking. You mentioned exercise; I used exercise as part of my rationalization system ("I'm healthy from exercise and so can drink"). But the alcohol was definitely holding back my exercise progress and causing other kinds of problems. I wish you all the success in the world.

least

I'm glad you're giving it another try. Never give up!