Scared myself
 

Well after my hospitalization 2 nights ago and the subsequent detox I've been going through, I am significantly scared, as I should be. I could have died, that's so scary. I'm so scared to EVER touch another drink ever again. What scares me more though is that I know this fear will fade over the coming weeks and months, and I will be tempted to drink again. I hope that's not the case, but it's just the reality of the situation. I know without a doubt I need to quit forever and that if I don't I will not end up anywhere good. I just really hope I can do it this time. I made it the whole month of nov without a drink and it was great, but somehow I let myself get sucked back in. I feel like this is life or death right now, I really need to change or i will be lost forever. This is not going to be easy, but I really just hope that this is the turning point I need to turn things around. The idea of ever having one more drink terrifies me because I could wake up in the ER with IVs and heart monitors ect...

Hope you are feeling better today, Erik. Now is the time to associate drinking with bad, bad things and sobriety with happy, blissful things. Reprogram your mind, at least that is what I am trying to do.

Glad you're sticking around.

Yeah alcohol is ALL bad for me. That was one of the scariest things that's happened to me as a result of booze, but I know it could get worse if I continue on. Feeling pretty down on myself and I feel like I really am in a struggle for my life and my future. It's pretty heavy stuff but I can't take it lightly any longer.

Keep reading and posting Erik - it really does help :) Also, it was only a couple of days ago, so you're still going to be thinking through withdrawals at the moment. Things WILL get a lot better and very soon :) Xx

Hi Erik, glad you are here! Sounds like you have good insight. The obsession that the alcoholic mind has will in time make you forget about the pain of the last drink. Find a program of recovery that works for you. For me just being clean and sober is not enough. I need to focus on recovery from the disease of alcoholism. Glad you are here, keep coming back.

Good luck Erik. Stay focused and keep posting on here!

Did you try the AA meeting you mentioned yesterday? Having a solid plan like AA/NA in the beginning can be very helpful to keep you on task and give some extra accountability by working on recovery in a group setting.

I can tell you from experience that simply "not drinking" and trying to stay sober purely based on fear of the consequences of drinking does not work. It's a repeatable pattern that you'll see here daily on SR too.

I was terrified when i ended up in hospital because of drinking. It did however leave me with a clear cut choice which was to either quit or end up dead. It was a turning point for me and i have not touched a drop since. Posting and reading on here every day reminds me of what will happen if i pick up a drink again. I also make sure that i am proactive with my recovery on a daily basis. You can definitely turn things around and use this as motivation for your recovery. Wishing you the best.

Thanks guys! I'm really scared that this will happen again but I'm going to try my damnedest not to let it happen again.

I might try and do a meeting today ... I was still withdrawling bad yesterday so I didn't want to leave my apartment ... Today I feel better though so I may try

Sounds like a good idea :)

We've all had that moment when we knew quitting alcohol was the way forward!! keep that moment in your mind when you feel a craving to drink!!

Keep pushing through!! :)

The silver lining is that you actually get to choose whether it happens again or not. Unlike a stroke, a heard attack or a tumor which you cannot control, ending up in the hospital drunk and unresponsive is a conscious choice you can make by either pickup up a glass and drinking it, or not doing so. Once we pick up that first drink, we have chosen whatever outcome might follow.

Going to a meeting sounds like a great idea. Accountability and being around others like us helps you learn why you cannot pick up that first drink. SR is a great tool as well, i was literally glued to the screen for at least my first couple weeks.

You can do this if you want to.

For a long time, I didn't like to go to AA meetings. Then one day, I wondered into one that just clicked. I love the people in this meeting. For the first time, I look forward to being in that place with those people. I have cried in front of the, confessed in front of them, I have told them things I haven't told anyone. And I know I am safe there. I wish you to find a meeting like that. It's really nice to have that kind of support. Try a few on until you find "your" place.

I'm heading to my first meeting ever right now ... Wish me luck

Sounds like a great plan, let us know how it goes!

Best of luck. Hope it goes well. :)

Too right. Good luck at your meeting :)

Hey Erick, let us know how it went at the AA meeting! I'm curious!

It went well, I think I will return for another. It was good to hear other peoples stories. Although I don't really believe in god and can't see myself subscribing to the higher power thing, I think I can take something from it. It was weird I expected it to be all old homeless guys or something but it was just a bunch of normal people. Many even younger than myself, business executives ect. I guess it's good to know I'm not alone.