foryoumyson

I'm getting a lot of cravings and urges. The voice is telling me to just have one sip...I can even taste the cold beer for some reason...And I been smoking like a chimney that's going to be the next habbt to go. getting to expensive buying a pack a day. I'm also feeling a lot of guilt and remorse for my actions these past years its all coming back to me especially today. I wasent truly there for my girlfriend when she was pregnant I was mostly getting drunk everyday for the whole 9 months and making my self believe that he wasent mine .. but hes my twin and looks just like me. He's 9 months old now and every time I get a urge or voice I just look at his picture and it some what brings me back .

Just had to get that out I guess the days seem to be getting longer and tougher. I know its going to be a long road but I hope to make it a lifetime .

I know I'm not a casual drinker I'm an alcoholic.

Thepatman

You have it on the nail. Your son will need you for at least another 18 years.
Might as well be sobber and not die from liver failure.

Try to keep a drink of something always near you. I have lemon mineral water constantly. We are used to drinking something all the time.

Well done on 5 days!

Anna

I'm glad you intend to be the best father you can be for your son.

hayley86

Congrats on 5 days. Try to let go of feeling guilty and keep moving forward. It does get easier. Best wishes.

foryoumyson

This site has really been a big help I'm not much of a religious person but it has been a godsend. I found it my last night of drinking. And visit it at least 20 times a day now. its hard to let go of the guilt especially on Friday nights when I was getting drunk and wasent helping out with my girlfriend and the baby. Then Saturday I was useless with a huge hangover . Not drinking these past 5 days has really opened my eyes to what I've been missing and what I can do on a daily basis . I'm much more happier I can actually say when I laugh its a real laugh and not one of those fake ones you give when your hungover and miserable.

there's actually a lot more to life then isolating your self and drinking . I've gotten so many things done that I wouldent of thought twice about a week ago.

Ghostlight1

Good job on five days. With your son you now have a great reason to stay sober.
Don't give into that cycle of drinking, even with the taste on your lips. It's all a lie from alcohol. Your body is used to it, it's going to take awhile to get back to your sober self.
Thinking of what that first drink will do to me keeps me sober.
If you feel regret and remorse now, which is normal in early sobriety, think of the guilt and remorse if you take a drink.

KateL

Congrats on five days and it does get easier. You sound like you love your son ery much. xxxx

DoubleDragons

Please know that even though you are feeling remorse, drinking isn't going to help with that. It is just going to pile more and more remorse on top of that remorse. My mother just ruined another event in mine and her grandchildren's lives with her drinking and she tells me that me making her feel bad about it just makes her drink more. There will come a time that if she doesn't get help, I will be forced to cut her out of mine and my children's lives. If she does get help, I have hopes for restoring a normal relationship. The choice is hers and the choice is yours, my friend . . . I can tell you that the only major regrets in my life have occurred when I was drinking.

ClearMind

Congrats on 5 days, it doesnt get too much harder than what you have already been through. Keep your head up!

DramaStudent

Keep your chin up mate. You're doing great. Just dont open that first drink, dont even go to the store if you can avoid it. You're still raw, do something, anything. You can do this, you know you can.

Nonsensical

I have one of those voices, too. Sunnuvabych has told me nothing but lies for 25 years. My life got a lot better when I stopped treating him like an advisor and started treating him like a liar.

My liar loves the taste of cold beer. To the rest of me it's the taste of shame, failure, wasted time, and broken promises.

Cravings are no fun, but they are manageable. Next time you get one isolate it. It's just a feeling. Contemplate it as an intellectual exercise. Give it boundaries. What can it do, this feeling? What can't it do? What feeds it? What can kill it? Put it in a box.

You're doing great, just keep it going.

newme2day

Must be the day for cravings. I havent experienced them too badly so far. Today though . . .it hit me like a freight train. My husband wont be home so i can go get a bottle of wine!! The feeling was ALMOST overwhelming but a HUGE reminder that i cannot drink. Really . . .only an alcoholic gets excited about drinking. Hang in there foryou!! We can make it through. I agree about finding a drink substitute. I have been keeping diet pop in the house for a treat. Hot chocolate also has been something to look forward to every night. Good luck to you.

malcolmsloan

congrats on 5 days! When the cravings get heavy, I get really pissed at that voice telling me it's okay, that "liar" as Nonsensical said. Then I think throught the whole process of drinking, the tape, where will it lead me? Frickin sick and disgusted tomorrow--not worth it. I hate that voice. It tried to take my life from me. It is no longer welcome. Keep working, it does get better, and we can control that devious little voice. Your love for your son is beautiful--sounds like a real motivator for you. You can do this.

foryoumyson

Yea its pretty sick how you get excited for a drink. I'd have a miserable day at work then grab some brews and its a overwhelming great feeling but its really not...I grew up with drunks all my life and its a crappy child hood having to go threw that. I don't want that for my son id never want him to see me drunk. As a kid I always seen a beer in my dads hand and seen how he acted and told myself I'll never do that boy was I wrong...

The real test is going to be this Friday . Every Friday was my big drink fest but time for that to come to an end . On to the next chapter in my life .

Gibbons2

I understand what you are saying. I was raised in an alcoholic home too and my Dad was a drunk for many years. I keep thinking I could have had a better childhood had it not been for that.

I can't go back in time though.

I also promised myself I wouldn't be an alkie, yet, I am one. Just like my father.

Remember foryoumyson, ONE day at a time. JUST today. Just make it through today.

You can do it! I am cheering you on.

Dee74

I recommend something like the Class of December thread for more support, foryoumyson

D