Acheleus

I came home, made dinner, and now going to read. Earlier I did not stay and talk after the meeting, for some reason I felt very negative and I do not think the people there like me. One thing I hope improves is my self confidence. My life is not over, I have to keep telling myself that. My medications might work for me this time. Earlier I was so lonely, I just wanted to talk to someone, but I walked out and just came home. Not really sure what is wrong with me. Maybe they think I am arrogant.

Thepatman

Well done in your 30 days!! Don't matter much what people think of you. You paid your dues and that chip is yours friend ;-)

veryready

Congrats on 30 days. Be patient and try not to be discouraged. Don't worry about what other people think. Be who you want to be and everyone else can take it or leave it. 30 days is such a huge milestone. You are a superstar.

Coldfusion

Congratulations on thirty days!

Pass around that chip among the gang here and we'll all put some good energy in it!

MIRecovery

Great job on thirty days. Dont leave before the miracle happens

Dee74

Congrats on 30 days Ach.

you seemed to be getting on with folks just fine earlier in the month - is it possible you're overthinking this?

D

Hevyn

We're very proud of you Acheleus. We know how hard you've worked to get there.

malcolmsloan

Yeah, good job,Ach. You earned it.I hope you can take some satisfaction in that and feel a bit better soon.

digdug

Congrats on getting your chip! Carry it around with you for awhile. Maybe it will give you some strength and confidence.

One thing I learned early on is that in order to really make progress in AA, and recovery in general, we sometimes need to do things that make us uncomfortable. Personal growth doesn't come out of repeating the same, convenient behaviors over and over. Sometimes, we need to push ourselves to break out of the mold.

Tonight, I chaired a meeting at a rehab. It's my second time at this particular facility. This is one of those public assistance city rehabs. These people are VERY sick. It's intense, and at times, very uncomfortable. But I do it to help them any way I can, and also to help myself. It's how I'm learning to become a better, more empathetic, person.

Next time you have the instinct to just rush off to the comfort of isolation, check your motivations. Why are you really bailing? What are you avoiding? What's the worst thing that could happen by putting yourself out there?

If you're not uncomfortable sometimes in recovery, you might not be doing it right.

So talk to you sponsor about it lol.

Congrats again, Ach.

Suekie

Congrats on your 30 day chip! "What people think of you is none of your business".

I want to go to a meeting to get mine but I only went to one meeting and I'm not sure I want to go back (I'm on day 22). But I really want the chip haha. 30 days is amazing!!!

digdug

Suekie - it's fine just to go to a meeting just to get your chip. The chips are just as much for everyone else in the room as they are for you. The whole chip ceremony serves as inspiration to everyone else.

So go get your chip if you want it!

Kaneda8888

Ach, well done on 30 days. That is excellent progress. Keep working at it and as Dig says, just bear with the difficult things, it does get easier.

Tiptree

Congratulations!

Whiterhino24

congrats. everyone there is an alcoholic just like you they understand you and you understand them on that level. Who cares about anything else.

Acheleus

Man. I have no idea how i got myself in this mess...I realized today I have done things I hated, to "please" other people, or because I was too frightened to do what I wanted, and my reward for this was to drink as much as possible once I was through with a painful experience. Going to school, being miserable, feeling like a failure because I hated what I was doing--I notice now how I binged after long periods of work. Now I don't know who I am or what I want to do, I feel like I am vanishing. No one asks me how I am doing in my life, maybe because I put on a front of being "together" or "well groomed and dressed well" so people assume I know what I am doing.

I do not know what I am doing.

MythOfSisyphus

Congrats on 30 days, Acheleus! Try not to worry about people disliking you. Bear in mind that you may be projecting fears for no reason. I expect that most people there realize it's really hard to walk into AA for the first time. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to suddenly be super social.

Acheleus

Thank you. I am learning to relax and not put so much pressure on myself. This winter weather is making me feel a little strange. Also I am spending my first Christmas alone, and I need to stay strong to let my mind and body recover. I am proud to be 30 days sober and not falling down drunk somewhere.

MythOfSisyphus

Winter is hard on me, too. I don't like the cold much but I really despise the snow! Shorter days make it hard, too. Something in the weather makes me want to eat, eat, EAT! The carb cravings are worse than booze cravings! It's hard not to just pig out.

Nightswimming

You could be telling my story Acheleus! I have been a 'people pleaser' my entire life and lost a lot of my sense of self. The worst times used to be events like a birthday night out when all the different "Nightswimmings" had to be present at one time to please all these different people. Now that was tiring and confusing!!

Congratulations on 30 days. That is no mean feat! It does get better but takes adjustment. Just taking the decision not to drink is a big step towards finding yourself. Maybe take this new sober time to think about hobbies and things you would like to do but have not pursued because you were drinking? Also, by saying no to alcohol i've started to find it easier to say no in other areas of my life as well so hopefully you will find the same

In terms of your AA Group. From one overthinker to another. Don't overthink it!

Beanie25

From where I am looking, you have and are achieving great things. 30 days, well done Ach.