Janis

I am a liar. I got sober then relapsed then got sober again and got a new sponsor which is still have and have been lying to her and everyone around me about my drinking. It started lightly then progressed into a monster. Now I'm worse than before and I need help but am embarrassed about my lying so much so that I haven't been transparent with my sponsor.

The relapse started like most, a drink here or there, a drunk here or there and now I'm drinking on my lunch break, on my way home and going through too much alcohol. I pour it out with resolutions that I won't do it again then there I am at the liquor store. I also stole adderrol from my friend and have been taking that and actually snorting it. I've actually not really snorted drugs. I heard it would make it stronger so I did it.

I'm ashamed for what I have done and now I need help and need to tell my sponsor but I can't bring myself to do it. I feel like I'm hopeless and a waste of time. I don't know what to do right now and am scared.

Dee74

Hi Janis

when lies get immense like that the best thing is to simply come clean. You won't be the first or last person in this position

It's the best thing for you to be honest and ask for the help you need

whatever embarrassment you might feel, or whatever responses you might get, you'll feel better with this burden off you I think

Hevyn

I agree with Dee Janis - you're tearing yourself apart with this. I lied about my drinking for years - and it felt so good to finally be honest and open about everything. The relief you'll feel will be amazing.

Thepatman

Don't feel guilty, you are human. About being honest do it. If a sponsor does not want to support you because you slipped, then maybe you need a new one. You are not the first to try again and again.

This time try something different. You will find the approach that works for you. You CAN do this!!

Janis

I don't feel comfortable coming out to everyone at once. I think that would be a bit overwhelming but I think my sponsor might be a good place to start. I just have to do it which I'm feeling badly about since I lied to her continuously. I don't want to but I'm afraid of where this will go if I continue on without asking for help. I know I can't do this alone.

Janis

Should I just call her and spill my guts. I don't think she'll drop me it's more the shame that is keeping me from doing it. I don't like being this person

anyistoomuch

I think you should, Janis. I'm she will take it well, and I'm sure it will strengthen your relationship with her. if it turns out differently, you still did thr right thing.

Mountainmanbob

things such as this don't shock most Sponsors who have been around a while

once I had my Sponsor give me a sober token at a meeting
he didn't know it but
I was very high on Valium -- coming on strong anyway
I got honest with my Sponsor and my Program later on
been taking true sober tokens since
my Sponsor and I still get a good laugh thinking back to my
not so truthful times such as that

my advice
humble yourself (it hurts at first but feels all so good in the long run)
get honest with all

there is nothing as good as a new start
I know -- I have had many

Mountainman

least

Start by telling your sponsor. If necessary more people can be told. But do come clean with your sponsor. They can't help you unless you are honest with them.

Correy

Truth connects people, for it connects their hearts...

Good luck.

KateL

Yeah, tell her. I'm sure she will be fine. It really isn't an unusual thing for a sponsor to hear. Loads of people have relapses before they get there.

totfit

You are the first alcoholic that I have ever heard that has lied about their drinking. I know it seems like a major deal to you, but I bet you anything your sponsor will understand when you tell them. Shame and being ashamed is what keeps us in the hole. Just tell it like it is and you will be fine.