Embarrassed myself at a conference
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 6
Embarrassed myself at a conference
Funnily enough, it was because I *wasn't* drinking.
I attended this really important international conference with a lot of high profile movers and shakers, smart and innovative people, etc. I wanted to be "fresh" for this event, so I didn't drink anything that day. I was ok in the morning and the conference was in the afternoon/evening.
Well basically I guess I underestimated my physical dependence on alcohol because I was a complete spaz. It was incredibly weird and disturbing; I couldn't look people in the eye without jerking my head away, I was shaky and twitchy and couldn't control my body, I had crippling social anxiety, and I had a panic attack/meltdown during one of the discussions where I lost control, couldn't look at the other people, and turned away and stared into my briefcase trying not to cry.
It was totally humiliating!! And I was annoyed as heck because normally I'm good at schmoozing and I love parties and talking to people. It was bizarre because it felt like I was stuck in someone else's body that was malfunctioning; I'd be making jokes and such as normal but then I'd twitch and spaz out, and then I'd start panicking that I would spaz even worse, and then of course, I would…
There were free giant cups of beer after the discussion so I grabbed one and downed it really quickly; then I felt "normal." And then I just went home early. I wished I could have stayed but I didn't trust my body to function properly.
I was SO disappointed that I bombed this event. This was actually the second important international conference that I bombed in one week (at the other one, I showed up, talked to people for like 5 minutes, panicked, and fled). Part of me was thinking, "Damn, I should have had something to drink beforehand, so I could bring myself down." I realized that's what I've been doing every time before a social event, so I'm all relaxed and confident when I show up…
And of course I'm cursing myself for becoming so dependent on alcohol that now I'm stuck having to keep drinking even as it's destroying my brain and my looks. I have a ton of really important social engagements coming up and I don't want this to happen again. I REALLY wish I could stop drinking. I don't really have a psychological problem stopping, it's just that I don't have any time right now to go through the physical withdrawal. Drinking started out helping my social life immensely, and now it's ruining it.
I attended this really important international conference with a lot of high profile movers and shakers, smart and innovative people, etc. I wanted to be "fresh" for this event, so I didn't drink anything that day. I was ok in the morning and the conference was in the afternoon/evening.
Well basically I guess I underestimated my physical dependence on alcohol because I was a complete spaz. It was incredibly weird and disturbing; I couldn't look people in the eye without jerking my head away, I was shaky and twitchy and couldn't control my body, I had crippling social anxiety, and I had a panic attack/meltdown during one of the discussions where I lost control, couldn't look at the other people, and turned away and stared into my briefcase trying not to cry.
It was totally humiliating!! And I was annoyed as heck because normally I'm good at schmoozing and I love parties and talking to people. It was bizarre because it felt like I was stuck in someone else's body that was malfunctioning; I'd be making jokes and such as normal but then I'd twitch and spaz out, and then I'd start panicking that I would spaz even worse, and then of course, I would…
There were free giant cups of beer after the discussion so I grabbed one and downed it really quickly; then I felt "normal." And then I just went home early. I wished I could have stayed but I didn't trust my body to function properly.
I was SO disappointed that I bombed this event. This was actually the second important international conference that I bombed in one week (at the other one, I showed up, talked to people for like 5 minutes, panicked, and fled). Part of me was thinking, "Damn, I should have had something to drink beforehand, so I could bring myself down." I realized that's what I've been doing every time before a social event, so I'm all relaxed and confident when I show up…
And of course I'm cursing myself for becoming so dependent on alcohol that now I'm stuck having to keep drinking even as it's destroying my brain and my looks. I have a ton of really important social engagements coming up and I don't want this to happen again. I REALLY wish I could stop drinking. I don't really have a psychological problem stopping, it's just that I don't have any time right now to go through the physical withdrawal. Drinking started out helping my social life immensely, and now it's ruining it.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
If you stop drinking the physical withdrawal symptoms do stop after a few hours/days. In time the mental effects do ease too.
If you have seen that this incident has made you realize alcohol is a problem for you then you've come to the right place to stop.
It will only get worse if you keep drinking. Life really is so much better sober.
A few hours/days withdrawals are nothing compared to the damage you can do to your life if you keep drinking.
If you have seen that this incident has made you realize alcohol is a problem for you then you've come to the right place to stop.
It will only get worse if you keep drinking. Life really is so much better sober.
A few hours/days withdrawals are nothing compared to the damage you can do to your life if you keep drinking.
Kaleidoscope eyes
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
I understand that your livelihood is important but is there a chance of getting some leave so that you can recover properly. It doesn't take all that long to get your faculties back. It sounds like you are fed up and want to stop.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 6
Thanks for your encouragement, you guys; and that's good news if the shakiness/withdrawal stops relatively quickly. I wanted to stop last week but I'm kind of bad at saying no to people, so I ended up with a packed sched. I'm going to try to carve out a few days this week during which I can just relax and take care of myself. And I know I can schmooze without booze once the withdrawal stops.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Engerland
Posts: 897
Welcome
Not many have a psychological problem stopping. But many do when it comes to staying stopped. I eventually became alcohol dependent and unable to cope socially and functionally without alcohol as a psychological crutch. Of course, as an alcoholic, it became my destroyer but i was to learn the hard way.
Hope you learn more here about the problem and the ways out of this vicious spiral.
G
Not many have a psychological problem stopping. But many do when it comes to staying stopped. I eventually became alcohol dependent and unable to cope socially and functionally without alcohol as a psychological crutch. Of course, as an alcoholic, it became my destroyer but i was to learn the hard way.
Hope you learn more here about the problem and the ways out of this vicious spiral.
G
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Center of Mass
Posts: 622
This is the sort of event that would cause me to justify my drinking. I'd say "if I'd just been drinking the event would have been great ... so it's justified". In reality I would have ended up drunk and would have made a fool of myself. Also, you're beating yourself up at the end of your post saying "I'm cursing myself for becoming so dependent on alcohol ....". You're a human being who has an illness. Me too. Focus that energy on finding ways to get well instead of supplying yourself negative messages. If I've said anything here that is incorrect I apologize. My only guidepost is your post.
Be well, thank you for posting.
Be well, thank you for posting.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,450
I'm in a similar boat as you. My job requires a lot of social networking. Much of this takes place around alcohol. I've been told I should switch jobs by many recovering alcoholics. That is easier said than done. I wish you the best of luck.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Originally Posted by Tang 
I'm in a similar boat as you. My job requires a lot of social networking. Much of this takes place around alcohol. I've been told I should switch jobs by many recovering alcoholics. That is easier said than done. I wish you the best of luck.
BE WELL
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: SE Arizona
Posts: 1,099
About 35 years ago I quit drinking. I only recently started again but that's another story. Anyway, I worked in a profession that required a lot of networking. I am introverted by nature and quickly learned that my introversion could be eased after a few drinks. Like many here, my drinking escalated from a few to many over the years.
When I quit, I had to learn how to deal with my introversion sober; it was a hard transition but worth the effort. I learned a few things about myself then that I probably needed to know: first, I'm not a particularly social person and don't fake it well when sober; second, I don't handle normal, social small talk very well and; third, when I'm sober amid a roomful of drinkers, I feel like running away.
At any rate, my quitting drinking required me to make some changes in how I maintained my "network". And, my network shrunk a lot when I became sober. My point here is that I felt that I had to choose between sobriety and the level of success I achieved. I chose sobriety over success and never regretted the decision.
When I quit, I had to learn how to deal with my introversion sober; it was a hard transition but worth the effort. I learned a few things about myself then that I probably needed to know: first, I'm not a particularly social person and don't fake it well when sober; second, I don't handle normal, social small talk very well and; third, when I'm sober amid a roomful of drinkers, I feel like running away.
At any rate, my quitting drinking required me to make some changes in how I maintained my "network". And, my network shrunk a lot when I became sober. My point here is that I felt that I had to choose between sobriety and the level of success I achieved. I chose sobriety over success and never regretted the decision.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
My guess is people probably thought you were off a little but are not thinking about you like you are. You did not crush it but I doubt you bombed it either. Now if you were raging drunk and people could smell alcohol they probably would be talking about you still - not in a good way. I do a lot of conferences and I really doubt this was a huge deal.
If you are going to ever do step work, write this experience down - you have your unmanageable part of step #1. Your life becoming unmanageable does not have to be when you are drinking it also involves your ability to manage your life when you remove the booze. Sounds like you have come to accept alcohol as a key crutch for you. I am glad you can see the flaw in this strategy.
If you are going to ever do step work, write this experience down - you have your unmanageable part of step #1. Your life becoming unmanageable does not have to be when you are drinking it also involves your ability to manage your life when you remove the booze. Sounds like you have come to accept alcohol as a key crutch for you. I am glad you can see the flaw in this strategy.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,335
Sounds like you're ready for a change and would like to stop drinking….good for you. Think about talking with your doctor, he/she might be able to help your withdrawal symptoms.
You'll find lots of support and information here.
You'll find lots of support and information here.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Originally Posted by Cascabel
At any rate, my quitting drinking required me to make some changes in how I maintained my "network". And, my network shrunk a lot when I became sober. My point here is that I felt that I had to choose between sobriety and the level of success I achieved. I chose sobriety over success and never regretted the decision.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,450
Originally Posted by bigsombrero
I agree and have been in the same situation. I bemoaned "but I have to DRINK FOR MY CAREER!" - well, perhaps I was in the wrong career. I'd rather be alive than have my fancy office back.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 608
As others have said, I'm sure it wasn't as big of a deal to those people around you as you perceived it to be in your head. That being said, it will eventually get better the longer you stay sober. Good luck in your travels!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Originally Posted by Tang
I'm going through this right now. I am required to take clients out drinking. Not asked to but told to. What's worse is the clients expect it. Weighing my future in this career.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Congratulations on your decision to stop drinking but your post raises a few concerns. If you are physically dependent on alcohol that means you've gone quite a ways down the alcoholic Road. I would definitely consult with a doctor before I quit completely. Alcohol withdrawal is potentially fatal and speaking from first hand experience acute withdrawal is a particularly unpleasant experience. I was laying in my office barfing into my waste paper basket. I was eventually wheeled out of my office in my office chair to a car and taken to the hospital. Embarrassing is not even the right word.
The second concern is that quitting drinking is not something you just put on your calendar. In order to be successful it requires a comprehensive approach. In my case it required seeing a doctor who specialized in addiction, intensive outpatient therapy for 4 months, a ton of reading on addiction, and a lifetime of AA, plus a ton of other behavior modifications.
Quitting can be done but it requires a mind body and soul commitment to it especially in the beginning. Saying you're going to quit drinking is the first step changing your behaviors is a second
The second concern is that quitting drinking is not something you just put on your calendar. In order to be successful it requires a comprehensive approach. In my case it required seeing a doctor who specialized in addiction, intensive outpatient therapy for 4 months, a ton of reading on addiction, and a lifetime of AA, plus a ton of other behavior modifications.
Quitting can be done but it requires a mind body and soul commitment to it especially in the beginning. Saying you're going to quit drinking is the first step changing your behaviors is a second
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