Mountainmanbob

maybe those two above are not mixing as well as we think
at times the Ladies may only give slight signs
right up until the bottom falls out

maybe a heart to heart talk with her
asking her straight out regarding her concerns with your drinking habits

MB

digdug

Not a dumb question at all. Once we starting feeling better, that voice kicks right in that we can handle it this time.

Honestly, what kept me motivated those first few months was a fear of dying. I still feel it. Alcohol nearly took me out. It's hard to forget that, even when things are going well. I still have nightmares and flashbacks.

But now, what really motivates me is that I don't want to lose the awesome life I've somehow managed to build up over the past 8+ months.

alphaomega

Yeah, I get it. I vacillated between wanting to quit and not wanting to leave the party. I thought I LOVED to drink and that I just hated the damage it was doing to my physical and emotional health the day after.

Then, without my permission, the hangovers went to withdrawals. I didn't even know it had happened. In fact, one of my early threads was about that. Why can't I cop a good buzz anymore ? Why do I shudder with anxiety the next day ? Who is the clinically depressed girl staring back at me in the mirror ? Doesn't the mirror know I just want to live and love and party ? Is that asking too much ? I work hard and I play hard. But this cunning little so and so had taken over as the host.. And I thought I was just still showing up to the party.

I was high bottom as far as material accoutrements goes, but alcohol was slowing chipping away at my soul. And it was winning. There was a moment after my last slip that i knew a line had been drawn. If I drink again, I was sure I would never stop. And I never drank all day, or days in a row or anything like that. But that event, was a feeling I will never forget. I would have drank 24/7 from that point forward.

And the sickest part, is that I was ok with that.

I'll have 60 days tomorrow continuous. I never want to forget that moment.

Be well. And fight for yourself.

MythOfSisyphus

I really like the phrase "a drinking problem" because that really sums up addiction. If our drinking wasn't causing any problems we'd never give it a moments thought. Have you ever wondered if you were drinking too much water or if it was a problem? Of course not! Unless you have hypernatremia you just have some water and go about your business.

The problems we have with drinking vary from person to person and what stage we've reached in our addiction. Mine wasn't "as bad" as some; I wasn't getting arrested or losing jobs. But I was beginning to hate myself and it was really holding me back, both professionally in my relationships.

It sounds like you're an educated professional type of person, so maybe the most effective way to look at it would be to examine what economists call the "opportunity costs" associated with drinking. Everything has an opportunity cost, that is to say a measure of what options we give up when we select a course of action.

What are the opportunity costs associated with being drunk all the time? To answer that you have to look at what you're not doing to make room for drinking. Your wife and son could really use your company, your sober company. All the time you withhold from them to devote to booze is one opportunity missed. Time you could be reading, studying something in your field, working on a hobby, working out at the gym...these are all potential opportunity costs.

Maybe the biggest one is missing out on being a fully developed human. A "grown up". Once you get sober you realize how empowering it is to be in control of your life and your actions. It's incredible to know your best friend could call you at 4:00 am from the side of the road and you could actually help them. Or your kid could come to you after having a bad dream and having daddy be able to truly be there.

I hope this is a helpful way to look at it. It's one of the reasons I decided to quit, too (sober for over 13 months now).

MIRecovery

The answer, alcohlolism is progessive it only gets worse. Nobody here started at the bottom As time went on things got worse. If you are an alcoholic things will start to unravel as sure as the sun will rise. The only variable is how soon

EndGameNYC

I lost everything. I was doing great work, in a relationship with a woman I loved and who loved me, nice place to live, making lots of money...life was great. Even drinking couldn't hurt me. Until it did.

Even though it was obvious when things were slipping away from me, I just didn't care. All I looked forward to was drinking.

I didn't stop out of a decision to live my life differently; I simply was no longer able to function on my own. And I still didn't care.

You don't have to lose everything to get sober, but many of us have and will.

justinJustQuit

My drinking DOES affect her. being away from her and not helping raise my son, to not doing the household chores, it affects her. I'm a happy drunk so I don't hurt them obviously. I would literally kill myself before I would do what my dad did to me. My dad locked me in the trunk of his car, locked me in a barn for two days until I jumped out of the two story barn which ripped two tendons in my feet and has caused a lot of damage, and beat me all the time. I was starved and forced to steal from grocery stores and rummage in dumpsters for food for years. I also had to provide for my three siblings. This was between the age of 4 till I got put in foster care at the age of 11. (I am not suicidal or thinking of doing bad things by any means, so dont take that the wrong way. I have helped foster children across the country, and been a role model for many)

I grew up with an alcoholic, abusive dad, and a mom with mental illness. My siblings are all mentally ******** as well. (missing chromosomes, diminished capacity) All three of them. I do not know how I turned out "normal". My wife obviously hates the fact that I get ********* every night and I hate it too. I'm in therapy, and it's helping me, but I am really just looking for that push that gets me over the hump. I have made it 5 days but that's always been the day I failed.

I know that excuses mean **** in terms of sobriety, but damn there is always alcohol everywhere. Even at home watching tv, there is alcohol on commercials, alcohol in tv shows, alcohol with friends. It's everywhere and when I see alcohol on tv it's a trigger. I want it bad when I see that commercial. How do you cope with that? The stupid ass tiny print label at the bottom of the commercial that says "please drink responsibly" is completely stupid. It's like that dumb print on the bottom makes you realize you're not doing it responsibly. I find it ridiculous. If I read that tiny ass print and realized that I have a problem, what's my solution? I have a physical and psychological addiction that is so much more powerful that a ****ing label, it doesn't mean sh!t.

While I am still sober, I am thinking about not even watching tv. I am thinking of just sitting on this site and playing Starcraft. Working out is my release from alcohol, but I do that in the mornings so I don't have anything to occupy my time.

I pray that people reading this understand my struggles and think about my internal turmoil before they relapse. I am so sad with the fact I cannot stop drinking. Tomorrow is that pivotal day 5 and it makes me sad. Sobriety is the only option at this point. I need anything to keep me sober. Hell, a car accident that breaks my arm would be acceptable as a reason to not drink tomorrow night. (or any minor reason to be hospitalized. ha) If anyone reads that, please understand the power of alcohol addiction. I will get there, but tonight the cravings are so intense I can't think about anything else. I don't know if genetics are making me feel like this or if i'm just a ***** who has no will.

I know I cannot keep this up, and I know that I'm heading down the same path as my dad, and it breaks my heart. I need to change the course of the future. He got ********* every night until the day I was placed in foster care with alcoholic foster parents. Alcoholism is something that has been in my biological family as well as my adopted family. From my first memory until very recently, alcohol is ingrained and is in my history since birth. Drinking is not an option for me as I believe I am better than that.

So please keep the posts coming.

Elisabeth888 post really helped me. I will lose everything. I will lose my life, my wife, and my kid. Let's not even factor in the fact someone at work will find out I'm an alcoholic and I will lose my job. Losing that is best case if I continue drinking. I mean damn, if someone want's to Private Message me their number so I can call them, I'd be so happy. Hell, if there's anyone in the St. Louis area in need of employment or help in anything I'd trade that for them keeping their phone on. I'd even go meet you if you're in St. Louis. I need support from someone who has been through this horror.

As far as AA goes, I don't believe in God in the traditional sense, and I do not believe that I am powerless.

I am literally reaching out here. I can be sober tomorrow night, or I could fail and be *********. I am doing everything I can to be sober as that is my priority, but someone to talk to would great. this site helps immensely.

Everyone says money is great, but I have money and I'd give it all up to be sober. I'd give anything to remain sober.

justinJustQuit

I really mean that. if someone in St. Louis reads this, I'd love to have their number.

I really need help with this.