cryingbuddha77

I relapsed over the past couple of weeks. It started with just having a couple of beers on a couple of occasions one week. Then I took a week long vacation to see my family over Thanksgiving. I drank 3 glasses of wine and a beer on Thanksgiving and then proceeded to drink many beers every night thereafter. I got home on Thursday and went right to the grocery store and bought a 6 pack. Then again on Friday night. Didn't drink on Saturday but then found myself really stressed out on Sunday and ended up drinking again.

I honestly did not want to be back here and am baffled at how this happened. I love being sober. I love who I am and how I feel sober. I'm really sad and disappointed in myself. I want my sobriety back.

I feel incredibly anxious today. The withdrawal symptoms were no fun last time and I'm not looking forward to them again. I need to get through this. I really need some support.

Thank you

KateL

Great to hear that you want this and are firmly back in the saddle. I'm sure you feel much better in a couple of days. Take it easy. Probably sounds a bit weird, but I would always watch comedy videos x

soberhawk

Welcome back crying.

BayAreaGuy

I'm right there with you brother, this is again day 1 for me too. know that you're not alone. We may have slipped but are both back on here knowing that we can't go back to the way it once was. Lets at least be glad that we have chosen to get back on the sobriety path. Wish you the best. Hopefully we wont have to make another day 1 thread again.

anyistoomuch

I'm glad you are back.

Make a point to figure out why it happened so that you can head it off next time. Life's a process, so...Onward!

Smiles

Raider

Wish you much luck!!

cryingbuddha77

I seriously don't understand it. I'm a very smart woman. How the hell? It was like watching a bad movie. At this point, I just want to get through today. A comedy sounds like a great idea. As does ordering in. It's so cold here in WA!

cryingbuddha77

Anxiety seems to be a big part of it for me. I can't handle even small stressors and I get inundated with a lot of very stressful situations in my job and at home (social worker and military spouse). So, I think for me, figuring out stress and anxiety management are key.

Ruby2

Welcome back. I don't know if you have gone to AA meetings but there is the line, echoed in your post, which is typically read in every meeting..."we deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling and powerful." It is baffling why we pick up when we know how much damage it does and how physically awful we feel after we do.

Hang in there. You quit before. You can do it again. Dust yourself off. Don't beat yourself up. Very few of us have gotten alcohol licked the first time we decided to quit. You know you are in the right place.

If you can think about it, try to figure out why you decided to drink over Thanksgiving. Were people, places and things a trigger? Because Christmas is right around the corner with much the same people, places and things. All the expectations are right there. But Christmas can be different than Thanksgiving if you are prepared.

Dee74

Welcome back CB

I was baffled too - I was a smart guy but I continually found myself drinking.

It's the first drink that does us in - if you can remember and accept that - be prepared to make whatever changes are necessary to your life...& have a plan, strategy and support in place - it gets a little easier I think

D

cryingbuddha77

Christmas shouldn't be as big a trigger hopefully. I will be at home with my nuclear family and my husband doesn't drink and does not enable me. Over Thanksgiving I was with my brother and sister who do drink. My sister poured herself a glass of wine and I asked her if she was going to offer me one. She did. She even knows I was going to AA and trying to stay sober. Well, one glass of wine led to one more and one more and...we know the story. But I had also decided to drink at home on a couple of occasions prior to going on holiday. I'm trying to nail down a timeline on my decision making process. I know I was feeling really emotionally fragile. My husband just left for Japan for several weeks and I usually get pretty emotional and stressed leading up to that. I know my ability to handle stress goes way down. As far as I can tell it has a lot to do with stress, anxiety, loneliness and fear. The people, places and things I'm not sure how they related to my drinking because I usually drank alone or with my husband (who has successfully stayed sober for 6 months). Being around my extended family is stressful for me and therefore a trigger. Also, just being around anyone drinking is a trigger as I get really self conscious and uncomfortable. I'm just rambling now, but it helps : )

least

Glad you're trying again.