DramaStudent

Okay, so it's day 2. Any other day 2 might not be a big issue because it's usually not Day 2 of Not Drinking, but Day 2 since I had a drinking when is my next? And either tonight or tomorrow (though likely tonight) would have been a drink day.

I've tended to drink every other day as could never manage every day the hangovers were too bad, but a bottle of gin every other day or at most on the third day after.

But today as it would likely be a drink day I'm getting a bit anxious. I'm starting to get the "You dont really have a problem" thoughts- the main one being that if I only drank every two or maybe three days then I CAN'T have a problem. Its whirling around my head that as I'm not waking at 10am with the shakes and reaching for the vodka I dont have a problem. My rational mind knows that not to be the case, it KNOWS I do have a problem. But the rational mind isn't always calling the shots.

But today is proving tricky already and it is only 11:30am. Already the thoughts of "You dont have a problem, you have money in the bank account and nothing to do tomorrow. Go oooon".

I'm now counting down the hours till 10pm when the shops shut and buying booze is not an option, but the remaining gin in the house (though not enough to get me even lightly buzzing) is eyeing me. I think I'm going to tip it away, remove the temptation.

But its begun. The "you're fine" voice. No, I'm not! But its so strong.

PurpleKnight

Yeah the old voice will keep trying to convince you that your really fine, but never forget why you made the decision to be sober, what were the reasons?

Getting rid of that gin though might be a good idea, also it's best having a plan to stay active throughout the day, activities that will keep you busy, the worst thing to do is sit thinking about drinking. Hopefully you can get through this period!

KateL

I would chuck the gin away. It does get better and the penny will drop. It is hard x

DramaStudent

The gin has currently found its way into the toilet. So there is that temptation gone.

PurpleKnight, there are a multitude of reasons - it interferes with my ability to lead a productive life, it turns me into something I hate, it devastates my bank account (Seriously, how did I manage to spend over £100 just by going to a house party on Saturday!?!?!), it causes me physical unwell, its added to my weight gain, it drastically impacts upon my depression, and many many more reasons.

I will try and be active, but that activity may be limited to the sofa, a pot of Earl Grey and Star trek Voyager. Sadly with or without the drink my depression makes doing much these days difficult.

Thanks guys

Nonsensical

You left out the fact that when not drinking it's all you can think about. It has seized your mind.

Starve that voice for a little while. It relents a bit. Good Luck!

IOAA2

Hi. I can identify with your list of reasons and when drinking I was dishonest with myself and would often say it'll be different this time or some other BS I fed myself. I was finally convinced that I could not drink in safety. PERIOD.

BE WELL

newme2day

Well you know you have a problem because normal drinkers dont drink a bottle of gin every other day. They also dont think about it all the time. I am also in the early stage of recovery and that voice can be sooooo convincing. Stay strong. Glad you dumped the gin. Focus on the positives of sobriety. You NEVER have to wake up with a hangover EVER again. That by itself is pretty awesome. Gives you so much time to experience all that life has to offer!! Good luck to you.

foolsgold66

Welcome. The voice may get stronger, don't hesitate to scream at it if necessary.

freshstart57

That voice of your addiction is powerless if you say so, and when you say so. And once you say so, it stops being this scary panic inducing silent scream of want, and instead becomes a real tangible sign that you have chosen a life without addiction.

Look at this voice as a sign of your triumph, a sign that you are being true and honorable, and that you have left that misery and shame and guilt and soul sickness behind you. Ahead of you, instead of your self imposed prison of drink, there is now freedom, choice and possibility, and maybe your own amount of happiness and peace.

You can do this if you believe you can, if you believe in yourself. Onward!

soberlicious

Have you read the AVRT threads DramaStudent? Among them are some very specific strategies of dealing with the addictive voice, not the least of which is mastering separation from it and indifference to its tantrums.

Just as a child tantrums when it doesn't get its way, so it is with your addiction. You are in charge. You have nothing to fear. You have the hands, so you get to make the choices. Know it.

DramaStudent

I shall have a look- I am still finding my way around. Thanks

malcolmsloan

Tell that voice that of course you "have something to do tomorrow": FEEL GOOD, or at least not feel hungover. Stay strong, you're doing great.