Depressed
 

Hi my SR Family,

I'm day 24 and have been on medication for depression for about 18 days (depression diagnosed during previous abstinent time). The meds have been bringing me down, and some of the PAWS seems to have doubled up on it.

Today was just a bad day. Nothing went wrong, nothing dramatic happened, just a very depressed, lonely, sullen day. My ex came over but that just made things worst. I feel like just shutting people out until I get over this. I still have support from you lovely people, and from my family, but I just feel like being by myself and try to let this pass. Some days are good, well not happy, but not depressed and then there are days like this where I am just sad and find no joy in anything. Think I have a long road ahead of me.

I don't drink anymore and don't have a desire to be trapped in the cycle again of feeding my depression with alcohol - a vicious cycle. I just wanted to vent a bit...

Be Kind to Yourselves.

Just keep venting here. Hopefully you might find some answers. Really feel for you if that helps xxx

I had a lot of those in (this time around) early sobriety
dragged myself to AA meetings (knew it best to get out a little)
hated to even walk to the mailbox at the end of the dirt driveway at times
all got better with time
as much healing of the body, mind and soul was going on
yes, I had done major damage (once again)

mm

Thanks Katel, I love your replies on the threads I have read.

Ya, this sucks!!! I'm hoping tomorrow is an up day for me. At the beginning it was usually half day good half day bad. Lately it is almost like 2 days bad and then 1 semi-good day.

I don't think there is much I can do but ride it out. Although I will go back to doctor sometime this month, probably after day 30 for a reassessment.

My AV whispered that drinking would wash it away, but that's not even an option as I played the tape and know it would negate the medication and put me right back in the situation where I am no longer myself. Even with the depression and PAWS, at least it is me feeling all this...

No wise words but how 'bout a :hug:

Just know you are not alone....we are all here for you.

Hang on beachguy, it will get better. I am glad you know that there is only one way out, and that is through!

I have had several all day down days, and drinking would get m through it. But I wouldn't be getting out of this at all. i would be prolonging or putting off what I know I have to do, and that is get through it.

for me, I have found just going to the grocery and buying a single item helps sometimes. not because of the purchase, but usually someone smiles at me, or speaks to me and I have to pull myself out of my mental isolation to respond, and once I am out I am good for awhile. Sometimes it doesn't work and I have to just try to ignore it until it goes away.

Best of luck man, good on you for making it this far. It shows me you can do it, because you have been doing it. I promise, we will get through this.

Thanks Mikie9. Yes, only way is through it. I went out on another down day and it seemed to make things a bit worse. So I guess I should just hunker down in the bunker... well, that and go see the doctor again.

First part of recovery is like a roller coaster ride, you paid the get on the ride, now it is time to hang on tight cause you never know when it will turn a full cycle and than you can get off with your head held high! :ring

Thanks Lucky, but I get the roller coaster (PAWS) on top of depression. They aren't playing nice together ;)

I know it sucks but it's just something you gotta go through...there's no shortcut that I know of.

I didn't think there was a shortcut, just something to deal with and work through. I'm a bit more relaxed now. Read a bit, watching tv, letting it pass, but mainly looking forward to trying to get some sleep tonight. Have been getting 4-5 hours for weeks/months. Last two night I slept 6+ hours, even got up after sun was coming up. Been outside most of the weekend working on yard. So those both make it stranger to me . More sleep and more exercise shouldn't equal more depression. But I guess it has a flow of its own. Last week I was haven a really rotten, difficult, hard and frustrating day. That day I was actually level. Go figure! It's like I'm running opposite things.

I've been diagnosed with manic depression as well as PTSD, Axiety, Bi-Polar etc. as well in the later stages of COPD which I am thinking I might have to go to Doctor tomorrow or see if they just want me to go to hospital. The sleep is hard I still have that issue and probably always will. It is good doing other things to keep our minds off of the Demon that had us. I do a lot of writing. I love being outside when it is nice and my health allows me to go outside. I have my Dog Chance who gives me more love than anything in the world. So yeah, we can go with the flow and take the Higher Road :tyou