DramaStudent

So, what did I do last night? I don’t really remember much of it. I got kicked out of a party. Not directly for being drunk, but more for being an ******** when drunk. I argued with two people at least- both arguments I would engage in sober (One was about Scottish independence the other about feminist issues) but drunk I imagine I was an ********. I spent more money than I should and upset several people. I find the latter the hardest to deal with. I consider myself a good person. But I got on a roll about the trouble with patriarchy and it really wasn’t the right crowd. I ended up being asked to leave. Rightly, if I’m honest. If I hadn’t I’d likely have continued drinking and said something even more stupid and embarrassing or offensive. I hate drunk me. He’s an ass. No, I’m an ass. I can’t hide behind the “I was drunk” excuse all the time. I need to take some responsibility. But that means accepting that *I* did something wrong and that is difficult. But alas, what must be done.

I’m going to go back to AA and also try the secular SMART recovery- but that’s only once a week. I’m at my wits end, I don’t consider myself a bad person but when drunk this demon comes out. This idiotic, insulting and offensive dick. And I hate it. But I’m finding it so hard to stop.

KateL

The sober you is the real you. Don't beat yourself up. You didn't ask to be like this, it just happened. At least you want to do something about it which is great. Onward and upward!!!!!

least

I too hated the person I was when drunk. I finally had enough of it and got sober. And don't regret a minute of it. I hope we can help you stay sober too. There's lots of support here.

suki44883

Welcome to SR. You'll find a lot of support here if you want to stop drinking. I think most of us did things while drinking that we'd never do sober. Read around the forum and post when you want to. You've found a great place for support.

PurpleKnight

Most of us have been there, the person when drunk appears and the next day regretting things that happened the previous night!

Your decision to want to change is the first step!!

DramaStudent

Thanks guys, I'll have a look around. It's hard not to beat oneself up about these things though. I mean, I didn't do anything disastrously bad, I didn't hurt anyone. But enough is enough.

I did manage four months sober a couple of years back and I was really happy.

Wastinglife

I know exactly how you feel. I turn into an obnoxious pr*ck if I have too much to drink. The booze removes that filter we all have that stops us from saying certain things and I feel convinced that everyone wants to have a conversation with me since I am so damn smart and charming. I have been kicked out of numerous bars and social situations for causing a scene or offending people. It's been a while since I had one of these cringe-worthy moments but I still find it difficult not to ruminate and dwell on them.

I guess we have to rely on our sober selves to stop the a**hole version from rearing his ugly head.

Hevyn

Hi Drama! Drunk me was a fool too. I did so many out of character things. I always vowed to just have a couple, but it never once worked. Each time it got in my system unexpected & dangerous stuff happened. It's so good to be rid of it. You can do this!

Anna

You don't have to be that person anymore and it's good to see that you are here seeking support.

malcolmsloan

Welcome, DramaStudent. SR is a great place for support and understanding. Keep us posted. We're here for you.