Staying clean in the real world
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 8
Staying clean in the real world
I've been to multiple residential treatment programs over the past couple years- one for 30 days, one for 60 days, and about 7 detoxes. While in treatment, I'm very recovery-focused and determined to turn my life around. But, despite my good intentions, I've failed to stay clean for more than 48 hours when I'm thrust back into "the real world" where I have a car, my cell phone, and the internet. After relapsing this most recent time, I had pretty much lost all hope and so did everyone close to me.
This past August, the s*** really hit the fan when I got fired from my job of about 4 years because I didn't cover up my track marks carefully enough one day. Coincidentally, this occured on pay day- my world came crashing down, and I had a fist full of cash to get high with. The fact that I survived the following couple of days does nothing but reaffirm my belief in my HP. It was a dark, ugly time in my life and I wanted so badly to die.
I used for a few weeks after my employment termination, then went back to detox. After that, i did not sleep for about 3 weeks. I put down coke and dope but I kept smoking weed because I could not deal with the s***storm taking place in my brain.
October 30th I stole something from my parents to get drug money. They found out, and told me they were going to the courthouse the following day to section me. I cried, begged, and pleaded to give me one more chance, and they did. The desperation I felt that day, begging them to not section me to Bridgewater for 90 days, turned out to be a blessing.
I have NEVER maintained recovery outside of treatment. EVER. And tomorrow will be 40 days for me, 100% cedit to my HP and Narcotics Anonymous. Today, I am doing really really well. Still not working, but going to meetings every day, gym every day, and gradually earning my family's trust back. I thought I had an acne problem... but it turns out, stop doing drugs, and BAM! Face as smooth as butter. Looking good, but feeling better.
Glad to report that I now have hope for the future. Best of all, my desire to die has been replaced with the will to live.
Gotta love it.
This past August, the s*** really hit the fan when I got fired from my job of about 4 years because I didn't cover up my track marks carefully enough one day. Coincidentally, this occured on pay day- my world came crashing down, and I had a fist full of cash to get high with. The fact that I survived the following couple of days does nothing but reaffirm my belief in my HP. It was a dark, ugly time in my life and I wanted so badly to die.
I used for a few weeks after my employment termination, then went back to detox. After that, i did not sleep for about 3 weeks. I put down coke and dope but I kept smoking weed because I could not deal with the s***storm taking place in my brain.
October 30th I stole something from my parents to get drug money. They found out, and told me they were going to the courthouse the following day to section me. I cried, begged, and pleaded to give me one more chance, and they did. The desperation I felt that day, begging them to not section me to Bridgewater for 90 days, turned out to be a blessing.
I have NEVER maintained recovery outside of treatment. EVER. And tomorrow will be 40 days for me, 100% cedit to my HP and Narcotics Anonymous. Today, I am doing really really well. Still not working, but going to meetings every day, gym every day, and gradually earning my family's trust back. I thought I had an acne problem... but it turns out, stop doing drugs, and BAM! Face as smooth as butter. Looking good, but feeling better.
Glad to report that I now have hope for the future. Best of all, my desire to die has been replaced with the will to live.
Gotta love it.
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