A very lonely addict
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: wembley
Posts: 5
A very lonely addict
hi there,
I do not know where else to turn for support so I googled and found you. I hope you are all doing well.
here is my story and though it is long, it actually is vastly summarised
I had horrid thoughts of self harm and suicide following my father's passing so I went to see a psychiatrist who almost used me as a guinea pig and did not bother with any physical or lab tests, despite me telling him my family history... Unfortunately, an underlying chronic disease surfaced when my bone went so brittle............ long story short, doctor changed and surgical knee replacement required. I decided on a therapist - my tell-tale sign should have been the tattoo of his name on his neck. The world revolved around him and apparently, he assumed that I used my walking stick to gain his sympathy (though the whole physio and knee replacement were discussed). I quit that.......... Went to another therapist who, two sessions later, decided that the help of a psychic might be necessary - needless to say, once again, I had to leave as I am not that open minded.
I found a blessing of a doctor who was both a psychiatrist and a specialist in the chronic condition which, by then, was bringing me great anxiety. He decided to physically treat me and referred me to a friend of his who was full and then was referred to a king older gentleman who was sympathetic but perhaps too traditional. At then, 170cm, i weighed 39 kgs and had anxiety and sleep issues which he ssettled with remeron and ambien. The other doctor did not intervene with that, more than giving advice and checking that my liver was all right. 3 years later, the specialist passed away. I was left with the psychiatst and on 40mg of ambien as well as 30 of remeron. 4 years and I was hooked taking them every night. I tried to quit a few times, with or without him but none worked............... It also happens that my brother is a psychiatrist. He decided to intervene and fortunately, my job allowed me to take time off for 6 months,1 gone now. My brother promised me a detox that would keep be biologically protected and would be easy to follow and my life would be much smoother. He gradually substituted ambien with valium and gave me a cocktail of other drugs, reducing them bit by bit.
He is extremely moody and very abusive. Trouble is, I travelled 9 hours and moved countries to do this and he is one of the very few psyhiatrists, perhaps the only one who speaks English. I tapered myself off xanax and remeron but 40g of valium are still there, plus a couple of other drugs.
I am unsure exactly what to do. He is tapering the doses but goes on and on about how much in debt I am to him and how I am dragging this detox too long or how much I claim there is pain (until it was confirmed by the hospital that he works in that i in fact do have that disease). I swallowed my pride and hoped that soon, recovery will come but it has not and he keeps blaming me for being slow with it or mentioning pain or that I am suffering from insomnia (only mentioned when asked about health).
Drug control is extremely tough here so my source of medicine is my brother and for hours, after a bad day at work or a bad time with fiancee, i get the speech about the above mentioned... Often with shouting, complaining about previous day and other patients and always a mention of the huge favour he is doing to me. i told him that i am happy to give back the pills............ he said I would have fits and my chronic condition will be worsened. for weeks I was scared.......... but now I am thinking of quitting cold turkey. i would rather suffer insmonia and fits than constant abuse. I have never done this before and sine he gives me the meds day by day I cannot taper on my own so I thought of going out of this toxic environment for 2 weeks and suffering the horrid signs of withdrawal alone. This is where I am at. I can't travel back, i cant be abused, i cant do anything but this.............
Is it doable? does anyone know??? I am dealing with my chronic physical condition as I was instructed by the specialist but this up and down in drugs worsens it. I am at a loss now and I have been at a point before where insomnia caused me to have extreme suiidal thoughts. There are no hotlines here so all I have is perseverance, you and hope. Other than that, I feel am on my way to the grave. Fits dont sound half bad to what I am otherwise facing but are they one that can do you in? I have a glimmer of hope........and think maybe one day, I can be happy and healthy again... No more tears or pills or pain......
I am 28 if that matter. Funny huh? If I live a long life I hope I can make up for the lost years
I do not know where else to turn for support so I googled and found you. I hope you are all doing well.
here is my story and though it is long, it actually is vastly summarised
I had horrid thoughts of self harm and suicide following my father's passing so I went to see a psychiatrist who almost used me as a guinea pig and did not bother with any physical or lab tests, despite me telling him my family history... Unfortunately, an underlying chronic disease surfaced when my bone went so brittle............ long story short, doctor changed and surgical knee replacement required. I decided on a therapist - my tell-tale sign should have been the tattoo of his name on his neck. The world revolved around him and apparently, he assumed that I used my walking stick to gain his sympathy (though the whole physio and knee replacement were discussed). I quit that.......... Went to another therapist who, two sessions later, decided that the help of a psychic might be necessary - needless to say, once again, I had to leave as I am not that open minded.
I found a blessing of a doctor who was both a psychiatrist and a specialist in the chronic condition which, by then, was bringing me great anxiety. He decided to physically treat me and referred me to a friend of his who was full and then was referred to a king older gentleman who was sympathetic but perhaps too traditional. At then, 170cm, i weighed 39 kgs and had anxiety and sleep issues which he ssettled with remeron and ambien. The other doctor did not intervene with that, more than giving advice and checking that my liver was all right. 3 years later, the specialist passed away. I was left with the psychiatst and on 40mg of ambien as well as 30 of remeron. 4 years and I was hooked taking them every night. I tried to quit a few times, with or without him but none worked............... It also happens that my brother is a psychiatrist. He decided to intervene and fortunately, my job allowed me to take time off for 6 months,1 gone now. My brother promised me a detox that would keep be biologically protected and would be easy to follow and my life would be much smoother. He gradually substituted ambien with valium and gave me a cocktail of other drugs, reducing them bit by bit.
He is extremely moody and very abusive. Trouble is, I travelled 9 hours and moved countries to do this and he is one of the very few psyhiatrists, perhaps the only one who speaks English. I tapered myself off xanax and remeron but 40g of valium are still there, plus a couple of other drugs.
I am unsure exactly what to do. He is tapering the doses but goes on and on about how much in debt I am to him and how I am dragging this detox too long or how much I claim there is pain (until it was confirmed by the hospital that he works in that i in fact do have that disease). I swallowed my pride and hoped that soon, recovery will come but it has not and he keeps blaming me for being slow with it or mentioning pain or that I am suffering from insomnia (only mentioned when asked about health).
Drug control is extremely tough here so my source of medicine is my brother and for hours, after a bad day at work or a bad time with fiancee, i get the speech about the above mentioned... Often with shouting, complaining about previous day and other patients and always a mention of the huge favour he is doing to me. i told him that i am happy to give back the pills............ he said I would have fits and my chronic condition will be worsened. for weeks I was scared.......... but now I am thinking of quitting cold turkey. i would rather suffer insmonia and fits than constant abuse. I have never done this before and sine he gives me the meds day by day I cannot taper on my own so I thought of going out of this toxic environment for 2 weeks and suffering the horrid signs of withdrawal alone. This is where I am at. I can't travel back, i cant be abused, i cant do anything but this.............
Is it doable? does anyone know??? I am dealing with my chronic physical condition as I was instructed by the specialist but this up and down in drugs worsens it. I am at a loss now and I have been at a point before where insomnia caused me to have extreme suiidal thoughts. There are no hotlines here so all I have is perseverance, you and hope. Other than that, I feel am on my way to the grave. Fits dont sound half bad to what I am otherwise facing but are they one that can do you in? I have a glimmer of hope........and think maybe one day, I can be happy and healthy again... No more tears or pills or pain......
I am 28 if that matter. Funny huh? If I live a long life I hope I can make up for the lost years
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Welcome Miss Britty. I'm sorry you're having a tough go of it. I don't have any advice for your current situation, but this forum can be a great place to hang out. We are a friendly lot.
I hope you are feeling better soon!
I hope you are feeling better soon!
Recovering ostrich
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tampa Bay, Florida
Posts: 2,551
Welcome missbitty! Is there any way that you could find a different doctor? I think you're near London (?) I would imagine that you could do a little research online and find one with a stellar reputation. Other than that, welcome to soberrecovery!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: wembley
Posts: 5
Thank you all for your warm welcomes. I must clarify that I am from London but currently in a country where psychiatric care is scarce to non-existant - thus the problem. 
CT seems appealing.......... I've never been addicted to anything though so I have no idea how it might go.
CT seems appealing.......... I've never been addicted to anything though so I have no idea how it might go.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Probably my living room. Maybe my bedroom if I'm feeling lazy
Posts: 1,085
Hey there MissBitty,
We can't give medical advice here on SR, but I can say that going cold turkey off benzos like valium can be extremely dangerous, even fatal.
Also, it's probably not a good idea to have a family member treat you. You would be best to find someone impartial.
Good luck!
We can't give medical advice here on SR, but I can say that going cold turkey off benzos like valium can be extremely dangerous, even fatal.
Also, it's probably not a good idea to have a family member treat you. You would be best to find someone impartial.
Good luck!
to SR! I'm glad you found us and joined the family. 
Nothing is impossible!
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: EAGAN
Posts: 792
Originally Posted by MissBitty 
hi there,
I do not know where else to turn for support so I googled and found you. I hope you are all doing well.
here is my story and though it is long, it actually is vastly summarised
I had horrid thoughts of self harm and suicide following my father's passing so I went to see a psychiatrist who almost used me as a guinea pig and did not bother with any physical or lab tests, despite me telling him my family history... Unfortunately, an underlying chronic disease surfaced when my bone went so brittle............ long story short, doctor changed and surgical knee replacement required. I decided on a therapist - my tell-tale sign should have been the tattoo of his name on his neck. The world revolved around him and apparently, he assumed that I used my walking stick to gain his sympathy (though the whole physio and knee replacement were discussed). I quit that.......... Went to another therapist who, two sessions later, decided that the help of a psychic might be necessary - needless to say, once again, I had to leave as I am not that open minded.
I found a blessing of a doctor who was both a psychiatrist and a specialist in the chronic condition which, by then, was bringing me great anxiety. He decided to physically treat me and referred me to a friend of his who was full and then was referred to a king older gentleman who was sympathetic but perhaps too traditional. At then, 170cm, i weighed 39 kgs and had anxiety and sleep issues which he ssettled with remeron and ambien. The other doctor did not intervene with that, more than giving advice and checking that my liver was all right. 3 years later, the specialist passed away. I was left with the psychiatst and on 40mg of ambien as well as 30 of remeron. 4 years and I was hooked taking them every night. I tried to quit a few times, with or without him but none worked............... It also happens that my brother is a psychiatrist. He decided to intervene and fortunately, my job allowed me to take time off for 6 months,1 gone now. My brother promised me a detox that would keep be biologically protected and would be easy to follow and my life would be much smoother. He gradually substituted ambien with valium and gave me a cocktail of other drugs, reducing them bit by bit.
He is extremely moody and very abusive. Trouble is, I travelled 9 hours and moved countries to do this and he is one of the very few psyhiatrists, perhaps the only one who speaks English. I tapered myself off xanax and remeron but 40g of valium are still there, plus a couple of other drugs.
I am unsure exactly what to do. He is tapering the doses but goes on and on about how much in debt I am to him and how I am dragging this detox too long or how much I claim there is pain (until it was confirmed by the hospital that he works in that i in fact do have that disease). I swallowed my pride and hoped that soon, recovery will come but it has not and he keeps blaming me for being slow with it or mentioning pain or that I am suffering from insomnia (only mentioned when asked about health).
Drug control is extremely tough here so my source of medicine is my brother and for hours, after a bad day at work or a bad time with fiancee, i get the speech about the above mentioned... Often with shouting, complaining about previous day and other patients and always a mention of the huge favour he is doing to me. i told him that i am happy to give back the pills............ he said I would have fits and my chronic condition will be worsened. for weeks I was scared.......... but now I am thinking of quitting cold turkey. i would rather suffer insmonia and fits than constant abuse. I have never done this before and sine he gives me the meds day by day I cannot taper on my own so I thought of going out of this toxic environment for 2 weeks and suffering the horrid signs of withdrawal alone. This is where I am at. I can't travel back, i cant be abused, i cant do anything but this.............
Is it doable? does anyone know??? I am dealing with my chronic physical condition as I was instructed by the specialist but this up and down in drugs worsens it. I am at a loss now and I have been at a point before where insomnia caused me to have extreme suiidal thoughts. There are no hotlines here so all I have is perseverance, you and hope. Other than that, I feel am on my way to the grave. Fits dont sound half bad to what I am otherwise facing but are they one that can do you in? I have a glimmer of hope........and think maybe one day, I can be happy and healthy again... No more tears or pills or pain......
I am 28 if that matter. Funny huh? If I live a long life I hope I can make up for the lost years
I do not know where else to turn for support so I googled and found you. I hope you are all doing well.
here is my story and though it is long, it actually is vastly summarised
I had horrid thoughts of self harm and suicide following my father's passing so I went to see a psychiatrist who almost used me as a guinea pig and did not bother with any physical or lab tests, despite me telling him my family history... Unfortunately, an underlying chronic disease surfaced when my bone went so brittle............ long story short, doctor changed and surgical knee replacement required. I decided on a therapist - my tell-tale sign should have been the tattoo of his name on his neck. The world revolved around him and apparently, he assumed that I used my walking stick to gain his sympathy (though the whole physio and knee replacement were discussed). I quit that.......... Went to another therapist who, two sessions later, decided that the help of a psychic might be necessary - needless to say, once again, I had to leave as I am not that open minded.
I found a blessing of a doctor who was both a psychiatrist and a specialist in the chronic condition which, by then, was bringing me great anxiety. He decided to physically treat me and referred me to a friend of his who was full and then was referred to a king older gentleman who was sympathetic but perhaps too traditional. At then, 170cm, i weighed 39 kgs and had anxiety and sleep issues which he ssettled with remeron and ambien. The other doctor did not intervene with that, more than giving advice and checking that my liver was all right. 3 years later, the specialist passed away. I was left with the psychiatst and on 40mg of ambien as well as 30 of remeron. 4 years and I was hooked taking them every night. I tried to quit a few times, with or without him but none worked............... It also happens that my brother is a psychiatrist. He decided to intervene and fortunately, my job allowed me to take time off for 6 months,1 gone now. My brother promised me a detox that would keep be biologically protected and would be easy to follow and my life would be much smoother. He gradually substituted ambien with valium and gave me a cocktail of other drugs, reducing them bit by bit.
He is extremely moody and very abusive. Trouble is, I travelled 9 hours and moved countries to do this and he is one of the very few psyhiatrists, perhaps the only one who speaks English. I tapered myself off xanax and remeron but 40g of valium are still there, plus a couple of other drugs.
I am unsure exactly what to do. He is tapering the doses but goes on and on about how much in debt I am to him and how I am dragging this detox too long or how much I claim there is pain (until it was confirmed by the hospital that he works in that i in fact do have that disease). I swallowed my pride and hoped that soon, recovery will come but it has not and he keeps blaming me for being slow with it or mentioning pain or that I am suffering from insomnia (only mentioned when asked about health).
Drug control is extremely tough here so my source of medicine is my brother and for hours, after a bad day at work or a bad time with fiancee, i get the speech about the above mentioned... Often with shouting, complaining about previous day and other patients and always a mention of the huge favour he is doing to me. i told him that i am happy to give back the pills............ he said I would have fits and my chronic condition will be worsened. for weeks I was scared.......... but now I am thinking of quitting cold turkey. i would rather suffer insmonia and fits than constant abuse. I have never done this before and sine he gives me the meds day by day I cannot taper on my own so I thought of going out of this toxic environment for 2 weeks and suffering the horrid signs of withdrawal alone. This is where I am at. I can't travel back, i cant be abused, i cant do anything but this.............
Is it doable? does anyone know??? I am dealing with my chronic physical condition as I was instructed by the specialist but this up and down in drugs worsens it. I am at a loss now and I have been at a point before where insomnia caused me to have extreme suiidal thoughts. There are no hotlines here so all I have is perseverance, you and hope. Other than that, I feel am on my way to the grave. Fits dont sound half bad to what I am otherwise facing but are they one that can do you in? I have a glimmer of hope........and think maybe one day, I can be happy and healthy again... No more tears or pills or pain......
I am 28 if that matter. Funny huh? If I live a long life I hope I can make up for the lost years
Wow, what a horrible situation. I am sorry all of this happened to you. Yes, you can absolutely detox on your own. It wont be pleasant, but there is no risk of death involved in opiate or anxiety med detox. The only detox that can actually kill you is alcohol withdrawal. I think its best you break this cycle and being so reliant on these people. You can take back control of your life one step at a time. first, kick the pills......then go from there.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Probably my living room. Maybe my bedroom if I'm feeling lazy
Posts: 1,085
Nighthawk,
I just want to be clear that benzodiazepine CAN be fatal. A person can be at a high risk of seizure by going cold turkey, just like with alcohol.
Valium is a benzo, and should not be taken lightly. Medical attention is highly recommended for getting off these medications.
I just want to be clear that benzodiazepine CAN be fatal. A person can be at a high risk of seizure by going cold turkey, just like with alcohol.
Valium is a benzo, and should not be taken lightly. Medical attention is highly recommended for getting off these medications.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: wembley
Posts: 5
i have informed myself of the risks involved. The ambien was gone completely 3 weeks ago. The valium I have been taking for a month only, which is more than enough, I know....... but in a deserted island, you kind of have to look out for the best option, even though it's a terrible one.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: wembley
Posts: 5
Also I have to add that I am extremely touched by all your welcomes and your advice. I have never ever had that in my life before and it is very touching to know that there is someone out there..... or others that have gone through this
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: wembley
Posts: 5
I do not mean to spam my own thread but has anyone successfully gone off cold turkey? I have a very distorted view of life. I am not liking it very much so to me, if I do go CT and succeed, I will be ever so grateful and make up for the lost 20's and if I don't then there is not much that I will miss in this world. As I said, I know this is an extremely distorted view so I am just jotting down the feelings in the form of short stories and paintings so not to actually go through with the stupid thoughts that I have running through my head
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