Why was pregnancy so different?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 297
Why was pregnancy so different?
I stopped drinking cold turkey when I was pregnant and it was really easy to be sober. I think it's because I knew it was going into my child's body as well as my own and I couldn't justify that in any circumstance. Of course, I went back to drinking heavily the second I stopped nursing my son and I was already justifying "just one or two" a week after his birth.
I just don't understand why I could so easily get clean for someone else, but I am having such a hard time getting sober for myself. For now, I am just focusing on being sober ODAAT.
23 days without a drink. I can do this!
I just don't understand why I could so easily get clean for someone else, but I am having such a hard time getting sober for myself. For now, I am just focusing on being sober ODAAT.
23 days without a drink. I can do this!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Scandinavia
Posts: 1,344
I read somewhere we tend to pass on unresolved conflicts to our children, I think there is some truth in that. I do not want to battle alcohol for years while your son is growing up.
Stop it and get it over with, it will get easier and you will not regret it.
Be strong and take care.
Stop it and get it over with, it will get easier and you will not regret it.
Be strong and take care.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: North East, US
Posts: 2,310
I went stone cold sober with both pregnancies the second I saw 2 lines
. For myself I think it was easier be cause I saw my not drinking as just that. I'm not drinking for 9 months and then it can be game on! After both I too resumed drinking after nursing. Not drinking during pregnancy is some what like dieting for an event. You know in your head come this date I can give in. Accepting forever was the hardest part for me. Once I accepted it a closure happened and I began to come to peace with it!
And dare I say, " love living a sober life!"
Good luck.... Welcome
. For myself I think it was easier be cause I saw my not drinking as just that. I'm not drinking for 9 months and then it can be game on! After both I too resumed drinking after nursing. Not drinking during pregnancy is some what like dieting for an event. You know in your head come this date I can give in. Accepting forever was the hardest part for me. Once I accepted it a closure happened and I began to come to peace with it!And dare I say, " love living a sober life!"
Good luck.... Welcome
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 426
Me too. Stopped for two pregnancies and felt really good. I knew once they were born i would start drinking again. Now i am just tired of drinking . . . want to experience life sober and not worry about when i can have the next drink.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 127
I also stopped for 2 pregnancies, just like that no problem, its definately wierd, i agree its that mental feeling that u have to protect your child. In terms of a legacy... Interestingly I have a 16 year old and a 4 year old. The 16 year old is starting going to parties on weekends etc, when my husband goes to pick her up she is always totally sober, however her friends are drunk, puking in toilets etc, she actually once or twice called us to pick her up from parties early coz it was so unbearable. My husband said to her once in the car on the way home "your a good girl" her response was "have you seen the state of mum when shes drunk, i dont want to look like that, God knows why you fancied her!!" Arnt kids lovely, very insightful though? How our kids will interpret & move forward through life based on our actions. She could so easily be the opposite, experimenting like her friends. BTW My husband did set her straight that we actually met at work so I wasnt drunk!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 127
Yeah, I had patches of several years like that, especially when I was a single mum, before I met my H for example. I knew I had to be sensible then coz I was the only one there to take care of her, I think ny real meltdown was when I met my H ... It was kind of like phew , now I have someone strong to take care of me and my little girl I can crack up!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: PA
Posts: 695
I think the fact that women know the severe physical damage drinking has on our unborn children is enough to stop most women cold turkey. As a mother I could not fathom living life with the knowledge that something I KNOWINGLY did during pregnancy was the cause of such pain for my child. However, once born (and if not nursing) most damage done to children by mom drinking is long term emotional/psychological and easier to "justify" (for lack of a better word). Just my opinion.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
This thread brings up a good point, that some of us really are able to quit *just like that*, when the moral imperative is compelling, as you have said. It's not true for everyone of course, because if it were, there would be no fetal alcohol syndrome, but this is not uncommon as we see in this thread.
The lure of the buzz and deep pleasure we get from drinking, and whatever underlying issues or defects of character to which we attribute our addiction, can all be set aside once we have decided that it will be immoral for us to keep drinking. No matter what, during those months of pregnancy, no grief or anxiety or elation or boredom or shame or dread could have made you drink. You were unconditionally sober. Bulletproof.
That challenge is then, especially for those of us without a uterus, to somehow access that moral imperative against drinking that you imposed on yourself when you learned you were pregnant.
The good news is that it is possible, it can be done. Even without a uterus, or without a new life dependent on us at that most fundamental level, we can make that same decision to never now drink, and to never change our minds.
A little over two years ago, I learned of an SR member who had lost her baby daughter and young husband to a drunk driver who blew through a stop sign, just around the corner from their home, and three lives were ended in a flash. I decided that for me to drink again would be to put me at risk of drinking and driving, as I had done before, and to share in the responsibility for that lifetime experience of grief and loss. For me to drink again would be to put me in the driver's seat of that car that cut their family in car in half and killed her baby and her husband. I found a way to make drinking again, ever, under any circumstance, a deeply wrong thing for me to do.
It is a most personal question, but how can we choose to see our drinking in a way that will give us that same unconditional sobriety?
The lure of the buzz and deep pleasure we get from drinking, and whatever underlying issues or defects of character to which we attribute our addiction, can all be set aside once we have decided that it will be immoral for us to keep drinking. No matter what, during those months of pregnancy, no grief or anxiety or elation or boredom or shame or dread could have made you drink. You were unconditionally sober. Bulletproof.
That challenge is then, especially for those of us without a uterus, to somehow access that moral imperative against drinking that you imposed on yourself when you learned you were pregnant.
The good news is that it is possible, it can be done. Even without a uterus, or without a new life dependent on us at that most fundamental level, we can make that same decision to never now drink, and to never change our minds.
A little over two years ago, I learned of an SR member who had lost her baby daughter and young husband to a drunk driver who blew through a stop sign, just around the corner from their home, and three lives were ended in a flash. I decided that for me to drink again would be to put me at risk of drinking and driving, as I had done before, and to share in the responsibility for that lifetime experience of grief and loss. For me to drink again would be to put me in the driver's seat of that car that cut their family in car in half and killed her baby and her husband. I found a way to make drinking again, ever, under any circumstance, a deeply wrong thing for me to do.
It is a most personal question, but how can we choose to see our drinking in a way that will give us that same unconditional sobriety?
Kaleidoscope eyes
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
Originally Posted by freshstart57 
This thread brings up a good point, that some of us really are able to quit *just like that*, when the moral imperative is compelling, as you have said. It's not true for everyone of course, because if it were, there would be no fetal alcohol syndrome, but this is not uncommon as we see in this thread.
The lure of the buzz and deep pleasure we get from drinking, and whatever underlying issues or defects of character to which we attribute our addiction, can all be set aside once we have decided that it will be immoral for us to keep drinking. No matter what, during those months of pregnancy, no grief or anxiety or elation or boredom or shame or dread could have made you drink. You were unconditionally sober. Bulletproof.
That challenge is then, especially for those of us without a uterus, to somehow access that moral imperative against drinking that you imposed on yourself when you learned you were pregnant.
The good news is that it is possible, it can be done. Even without a uterus, or without a new life dependent on us at that most fundamental level, we can make that same decision to never now drink, and to never change our minds. It is a most personal question, but how can we choose to see our drinking in a way that will give us that same unconditional sobriety?
The lure of the buzz and deep pleasure we get from drinking, and whatever underlying issues or defects of character to which we attribute our addiction, can all be set aside once we have decided that it will be immoral for us to keep drinking. No matter what, during those months of pregnancy, no grief or anxiety or elation or boredom or shame or dread could have made you drink. You were unconditionally sober. Bulletproof.
That challenge is then, especially for those of us without a uterus, to somehow access that moral imperative against drinking that you imposed on yourself when you learned you were pregnant.
The good news is that it is possible, it can be done. Even without a uterus, or without a new life dependent on us at that most fundamental level, we can make that same decision to never now drink, and to never change our minds. It is a most personal question, but how can we choose to see our drinking in a way that will give us that same unconditional sobriety?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 559
i had a vodka and coke in my hand when i had a positive pregnancy test. i didn't drink again until my daughter was born (well, i think i might have had a guinness on two occasions, and a sip of champagne on new years eve 1999!). it was so easy to quit then.
unfortunately, i started drinking again when i stopped breastfeeding her at 6 weeks. these 9 weeks sober i have now is my longest stretch since then, and she is 13 now.
unfortunately, i started drinking again when i stopped breastfeeding her at 6 weeks. these 9 weeks sober i have now is my longest stretch since then, and she is 13 now.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 149
Right there with you all as I quit cold turkey the second both tests turned up positive. Started back up the second I could.
While reading this thread I thought how interesting that behavior was. I would do anything in the world to protect my babies while they were inside of me then I turned around and put their lives at risk every time I drank while they were in my care. And it's not just the potential physical risk (i. e. If they were sick & I drank or if I drove home from dinner with them in the car after having a drink, bathing them while drunk, etc) but I am thinking today about the emotional risk (i.e. Slurring words, passing out while in their presence, rushing them thru the evening so they would be in bed & I could really let loose, etc). It's almost too painful to think about. I'm going to try to focus on the fact that I'm stopping relatively early in their lives (they are 12 & 9). I can't get those years back but I can make the most of today and the years ahead.
Good post. Thank you.
While reading this thread I thought how interesting that behavior was. I would do anything in the world to protect my babies while they were inside of me then I turned around and put their lives at risk every time I drank while they were in my care. And it's not just the potential physical risk (i. e. If they were sick & I drank or if I drove home from dinner with them in the car after having a drink, bathing them while drunk, etc) but I am thinking today about the emotional risk (i.e. Slurring words, passing out while in their presence, rushing them thru the evening so they would be in bed & I could really let loose, etc). It's almost too painful to think about. I'm going to try to focus on the fact that I'm stopping relatively early in their lives (they are 12 & 9). I can't get those years back but I can make the most of today and the years ahead.
Good post. Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
I quit when I was pregnant with my two as well. With my son I was already sober having just finished out patient treatment. Not so with my daughter. I do have to admit that when I saw those two positive lines I drank four beers as I sat shell shocked on my back porch. My husband was in full blown relapse, drinking and drugging, staying out all night every night and spending his way into a deep hole that I am still trying to dig out of five years later. I was having a really difficult time coping. I had already resolved to not have another child but God and nature had other plans. The next day, no alcohol for the remainder of my pregnancy. Daughter is healthy and happy and driving me crazy today.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 16
I agree with ya'll. I did the same. I think it is linked to the fact that ultimately we have our own personal "defects" (for lack of a better word), that we let get the better of us. While pregnant, it is easy for us to think more of our unborn child growing in the womb, and doing what is right and healthy for them..... yet once we are left to ourselves... we continue our same destructive, alcoholic, patterns.... Showing us, that we must, while maintaining sobriety, work on our underlying issues which have led us to continue our destructive actions.
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