I think my husband is using cocaine
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I think my husband is using cocaine
I think my husband is using cocaine. But I don't know how to know for sure. I know all the 'signs' as I've researched it - rolled up dollar bills, powder residue on credit cards, things like that. But I've never found anything definitive like that (yet). He smokes pot regularly, I wonder if it can be mixed in with pot? I know NOTHING about cocaine and I've never even seen it in person.
These are the things I do see:
He's very thin, sometimes he'll manage to gain a little, but usually he is skin and bones, people notice it. Also he eats TONS OF SUGARY products...pepsi, cookies, cakes, etc. Enough that you'd think he'd be OVERweight, not underweight!
He has mood swings, but lately he's been more indifferent than anything else
Sometimes he'll go all day without eating, other times he's ravenous (which I've always attributed to the pot smoking) but he cannot ever gain weight. He's 6' tall and weighs about 140-145 typically.
He gets these really weird reddish/purplish large bruises/lesions on the front of his forearms for no apparent reason. He said they are just bruises and he bruises easily, but this is the ONLY place he gets those. They are so large and scary looking sometimes it really creeps me out.
More and more often he just seems like he's 'stupid' and says things that make no or little sense, forgets things he has said or done and acts like I'm the crazy one. I feel like his mind is not working right. Hard to explain.
He hides his pot, but the other day he left it in plain sight on the counter outside, and near the container of pot was a baggy. The baggy is what got me researching again and I found this site, coincidentally someone else had mentioned a baggy with 'residue' in it. This baggy has some kind of residue, but I don't know if it's just old and bent/messy or what, maybe he was storing his pot in it? I wish I could know what this 'residue' mentioned looks like or see a pic. The residue in this baggy is whitish in color though and seems stuck to the bag. Nearby this was this strange metal pin-like thing that tapers around in a circle at one end and then goes straight to a pointy end. It has some kind of dust or something on it. I have seen these lately laying around, and found them once or twice in my dryer when doing laundry. I had a dishwasher repair guy come out because my appliance was making weird noises, and he found one of these things in the motor area also. They just seem to be appearing everywhere. I have no idea what it is or if it could be related to cocaine use? I smelled the baggy and it does NOT smell like pot, but it had something in it I think.
Whenever he goes outside purportedly to take the dog out or sit in spa (which he does ALL THE TIME for just a few minutes at a time), he'll sneeze 3-4 x's after coming back in EVERY TIME. He takes the dog out for walks all of a sudden and generally they are REALLY short walks, not even worth it, I'm talking 1 minute or 2 at best. One time I went outside to watch him after he left, he saw me (he was already on his way back only about 30 seconds after leaving) and interrogated me as to why I was out there. I just said, "I was just watching the dog cuz he's so cute" and left it at that.
Oftentimes he goes to the bathroom a LOT during the day but isn't in there very long. He never used to even close the door, but now he does.
I've noticed times when all of a sudden he's super talkative, irritatingly so actually, but it doesn't last long. Also, the other day he went on one of his 'going outside' escapades, and then I heard the lawnmower running. He was mowing the lawn, at night, IN THE DARK.
Is there any kind of drug test I could get for at home that I could use without him knowing?
He's addicted to gambling, sex, pot, pornography and he HAS to have at least 1-2 beers a night (which is not a major issue, but he gets really upset if his beer is gone...I don't drink or do ANY of the other things). I was in AlAnon for several years with my first husband who was an alcoholic, but I'm dealing with much more than alcoholism I believe.
I'm rambling, but I've become obsessed with this. I'm afraid, but WHAT IF it IS 'just pot'. I do know he sometimes crashes to sleep all of a sudden after a burst of energy and he can sleep for hours on end in the middle of the day. He says he's 'catching up on sleep' from working the prior day.
Well I hope that starts a conversation. Please what can I do do prove to myself I'm not being paranoid (I do feel paranoid). He is and has been proven to be a what I call pathological liar also, and very manipulative. He lies so well it's hard not to believe him, even when I know he's LYING! I just need to know what I am dealing with...pot? He's smoked pot for decades. He did admit to using cocaine (and other drugs) 'years and years ago' but he said "I'm one of the lucky ones that could use it and never get addicted but I don't use it anymore."
Help please!
These are the things I do see:
He's very thin, sometimes he'll manage to gain a little, but usually he is skin and bones, people notice it. Also he eats TONS OF SUGARY products...pepsi, cookies, cakes, etc. Enough that you'd think he'd be OVERweight, not underweight!
He has mood swings, but lately he's been more indifferent than anything else
Sometimes he'll go all day without eating, other times he's ravenous (which I've always attributed to the pot smoking) but he cannot ever gain weight. He's 6' tall and weighs about 140-145 typically.
He gets these really weird reddish/purplish large bruises/lesions on the front of his forearms for no apparent reason. He said they are just bruises and he bruises easily, but this is the ONLY place he gets those. They are so large and scary looking sometimes it really creeps me out.
More and more often he just seems like he's 'stupid' and says things that make no or little sense, forgets things he has said or done and acts like I'm the crazy one. I feel like his mind is not working right. Hard to explain.
He hides his pot, but the other day he left it in plain sight on the counter outside, and near the container of pot was a baggy. The baggy is what got me researching again and I found this site, coincidentally someone else had mentioned a baggy with 'residue' in it. This baggy has some kind of residue, but I don't know if it's just old and bent/messy or what, maybe he was storing his pot in it? I wish I could know what this 'residue' mentioned looks like or see a pic. The residue in this baggy is whitish in color though and seems stuck to the bag. Nearby this was this strange metal pin-like thing that tapers around in a circle at one end and then goes straight to a pointy end. It has some kind of dust or something on it. I have seen these lately laying around, and found them once or twice in my dryer when doing laundry. I had a dishwasher repair guy come out because my appliance was making weird noises, and he found one of these things in the motor area also. They just seem to be appearing everywhere. I have no idea what it is or if it could be related to cocaine use? I smelled the baggy and it does NOT smell like pot, but it had something in it I think.
Whenever he goes outside purportedly to take the dog out or sit in spa (which he does ALL THE TIME for just a few minutes at a time), he'll sneeze 3-4 x's after coming back in EVERY TIME. He takes the dog out for walks all of a sudden and generally they are REALLY short walks, not even worth it, I'm talking 1 minute or 2 at best. One time I went outside to watch him after he left, he saw me (he was already on his way back only about 30 seconds after leaving) and interrogated me as to why I was out there. I just said, "I was just watching the dog cuz he's so cute" and left it at that.
Oftentimes he goes to the bathroom a LOT during the day but isn't in there very long. He never used to even close the door, but now he does.
I've noticed times when all of a sudden he's super talkative, irritatingly so actually, but it doesn't last long. Also, the other day he went on one of his 'going outside' escapades, and then I heard the lawnmower running. He was mowing the lawn, at night, IN THE DARK.
Is there any kind of drug test I could get for at home that I could use without him knowing?
He's addicted to gambling, sex, pot, pornography and he HAS to have at least 1-2 beers a night (which is not a major issue, but he gets really upset if his beer is gone...I don't drink or do ANY of the other things). I was in AlAnon for several years with my first husband who was an alcoholic, but I'm dealing with much more than alcoholism I believe.
I'm rambling, but I've become obsessed with this. I'm afraid, but WHAT IF it IS 'just pot'. I do know he sometimes crashes to sleep all of a sudden after a burst of energy and he can sleep for hours on end in the middle of the day. He says he's 'catching up on sleep' from working the prior day.
Well I hope that starts a conversation. Please what can I do do prove to myself I'm not being paranoid (I do feel paranoid). He is and has been proven to be a what I call pathological liar also, and very manipulative. He lies so well it's hard not to believe him, even when I know he's LYING! I just need to know what I am dealing with...pot? He's smoked pot for decades. He did admit to using cocaine (and other drugs) 'years and years ago' but he said "I'm one of the lucky ones that could use it and never get addicted but I don't use it anymore."
Help please!
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Hi and Welcome,
I hope you seek support for yourself and going back to AlAnon could be a good choice. AlAnon will help you to be able to live your life, regardless of what your husband is doing.
I hope you seek support for yourself and going back to AlAnon could be a good choice. AlAnon will help you to be able to live your life, regardless of what your husband is doing.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
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Thank you Anna, I know I'm obsessing. I feel like I'm the crazy one, but my background in Alanon I do need to get back. I am disabled, so it's hard to make meetings. But yes, I'm going to have to get back. Even if he's not using cocaine, he has other addictions and I just have to get back to being me again.
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to SR! We have a forum just for you. Take a look if you like.Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Location: Australia
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Hi and welcome AngieMarie 
I know nothing about cocaine...but if you suspect your husband is using, I agree with Anna that AlAnon or NarAnon are great places to find support for yourself.
there's a lot of support here too - do check out the link least posted as well
D
I know nothing about cocaine...but if you suspect your husband is using, I agree with Anna that AlAnon or NarAnon are great places to find support for yourself.
there's a lot of support here too - do check out the link least posted as well
D
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Join Date: Oct 2013
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Hi there. I would post on the family and friends of substance a users forum with your question. I am not familiar with powder cocaine. My husband is "only" addicted to crack cocaine. I have found baggies or shreds of plastic wrap with white residue and know it for what it is. Then I know I am sure to find a home made pipe stashed somewhere. I can't picture the metal thing you described. I have no idea.
The frequent trips to the bathroom with the door closed, the weird behavior and nonsensical talking. Weird projects at night. Sound familiar too. Any money, tools or jewelry missing?
Good luck. Hang here.
The frequent trips to the bathroom with the door closed, the weird behavior and nonsensical talking. Weird projects at night. Sound familiar too. Any money, tools or jewelry missing?
Good luck. Hang here.
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Thank you for the link, least! I'm going through it now and already I know that's where I need to be right now, it's perfect. TY everyone for this, and God bless, I'm so glad I found this forum. The first thing I found was the "What addicts do" post and wow gave me understanding and also brought me to tears because it helped me realize my own denials about him too.
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I can't say there's money missing, because he will not allow me to have anything to do with the money issues. He 'gives' me some money (when he feels like it) to help pay the household bills, but then suddenly one month he'll say he can't 'give' it to me. It's not GIVING me money, it's adding to my own disability income to PAY THE BILLS. He has all the power. I haven't noticed anything missing of any great value otherwise, but I know he makes/has more than he admits to. It's very hard to keep track though, because he has direct deposits and his hours are all over the charts in his industry.I cannot live on my own disability income, so I just try to live with what I'm dealt best I can. We are near our 60's and still living paycheck to paycheck, but on my own I'd be even worse off I guess.
He became 'Christian' a year or so ago and I thought everything was going to be so great. Not! Everything's the same really as far as the addictions go, except now he's 'righteous' and 'better than' (me). I've been Christian over 30 years. and I do not judge others, no matter what their faith is. I'm not judging him, but when I see how he treats everyone else at church (very nicely and acts like the super husband) and then yells at drivers on the way home, gives me the silent treatment and so on (silent treatments sometimes last WEEKS), I feel I'm living with a hypocrite, and I finally stopped going to church with him (which I'm judged for now too).
As far as 'stealing' goes, he makes much more than I do obviously, so I guess I can't call it 'stealing' but I do know that there's money unaccounted for. He doesn't allow me to keep books, because he will not tell me anything about his own spending. I'm clueless and have to just believe him when he says he's 'broke'.
He became 'Christian' a year or so ago and I thought everything was going to be so great. Not! Everything's the same really as far as the addictions go, except now he's 'righteous' and 'better than' (me). I've been Christian over 30 years. and I do not judge others, no matter what their faith is. I'm not judging him, but when I see how he treats everyone else at church (very nicely and acts like the super husband) and then yells at drivers on the way home, gives me the silent treatment and so on (silent treatments sometimes last WEEKS), I feel I'm living with a hypocrite, and I finally stopped going to church with him (which I'm judged for now too).
As far as 'stealing' goes, he makes much more than I do obviously, so I guess I can't call it 'stealing' but I do know that there's money unaccounted for. He doesn't allow me to keep books, because he will not tell me anything about his own spending. I'm clueless and have to just believe him when he says he's 'broke'.
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Originally Posted by Leana 
What are his sleep patterns like? Does he stay up day and night?
Also he is COLD MOST ALL THE TIME. I'll have the a/c on because it's 103 outside and he complains he's freezing. On hot days I find him in his PJ's with TWO comforters and a blanket wrapped around him like a cocoon. I know we all have differing temps we're comfortable with, but it's shocking to me when he says he's cold in the house. Other people will come in the house and say 'it's so hot in here!' So it's not just me.
Many times he doesn't get home from work until well after midnight, so I'm not watching him really, but he'll stay up at least long enough to smoke his pot. He cannot sleep without smoking pot, that's something I've noticed. And lately, I've also noticed he gets up 1-2x's a night and goes out to smoke more (I'm assuming it's pot). He cannot sleep without his pot.
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AngieMarie,
If I had a penny for ever time my addict husband uses God and the bible to justify the things that happen as a result of his addiction I would be a rich woman. He went out and got high on a Thursday, didn't show up at work on Friday and got fired on Monday. It was God's way of telling him that he shouldn't have that particular job. Religion and addiction are a goofy mix but it seems to not be uncommon based on my experience and what others have posted. My husband would have his bible with him in the car at all times even when he went out to get high.
It sounds like you need support separating your finances or at least getting some answers in that regard. I can imagine you are frightened in that regard especially with the bils. I know I feel that way when my husband doesn't give me his check to help cover bills and I am the primary breadwinner. Even though I am the primary breadwinner my check can only stretch so far if my husband is actively using and wasting our money.
Well, you came to the right place. That is for sure. We are here for support.
If I had a penny for ever time my addict husband uses God and the bible to justify the things that happen as a result of his addiction I would be a rich woman. He went out and got high on a Thursday, didn't show up at work on Friday and got fired on Monday. It was God's way of telling him that he shouldn't have that particular job. Religion and addiction are a goofy mix but it seems to not be uncommon based on my experience and what others have posted. My husband would have his bible with him in the car at all times even when he went out to get high.
It sounds like you need support separating your finances or at least getting some answers in that regard. I can imagine you are frightened in that regard especially with the bils. I know I feel that way when my husband doesn't give me his check to help cover bills and I am the primary breadwinner. Even though I am the primary breadwinner my check can only stretch so far if my husband is actively using and wasting our money.
Well, you came to the right place. That is for sure. We are here for support.
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Thank you so much Ruby, I do feel I came to the right place! I'm not extremely mobile, so finding this online resource really is a Godsend to me. I hope I can help others and pay it forward well. I'm a good listener and I'll visit every day and hope I can relate and help others too. So glad for this !
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Originally Posted by Leana
Cocaine is expensive. I'd be more worried that he's smoking Meth. A big downfall with meth is problems with your teeth. Any change in that area?
He has to have all four quadrants done with this bone rebuilding thing, I'm not sure if that's drug related or just bad hygiene, but it seems to me he brushes his teeth plenty.
One day not long ago he was eating and a tooth broke off out of his mouth. He just took it out and said "I lost a tooth". A broken tooth should hurt like hell, but it didn't bother him, so it must have been completely rotten.
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Now I'm wondering if that's why he gets those weird bruises on his arms. It's the outer forearm, like the part extending from the back of your hand, the top of the forearm...big ugly weird looking purply patches. Is tht from shooting it up? I never looked close enough for needle marks or anything. You'd think at some point I'd see the paraphernalia involved in that though?
Also, can you mix meth with your pot? MAYBE that's what he's doing. I know NOTHING about drugs, NOTHING!
Also, can you mix meth with your pot? MAYBE that's what he's doing. I know NOTHING about drugs, NOTHING!
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You can't mix meth with pot. You can mix coke with pot. I have experience in dealing with both coke heads and meth heads, and this sounds a lot like meth addiction. I really can not comment further because I cut those people out of my life immediately, but it doesn't sound like you can right now. The devices you have found, and where, leads me even further to meth use. Most cocaine addicts just snort it. Easy peasy. But meth you need to inhale. Needing weed to sleep is another indicator.
I hate to ask this because I know the answer. But have you talked to him about all of this? Something is going on, and if it isn't hard drugs it is something. Either way I hope you find your way. YOUR way... if he is giving you an allowance and you are not involved in the marital finances in your relationship, then I have red flags going up to the point I can't post anymore about it.
Either way, stay strong. Live for you and what you need. It is all any of us have that matters.
I hate to ask this because I know the answer. But have you talked to him about all of this? Something is going on, and if it isn't hard drugs it is something. Either way I hope you find your way. YOUR way... if he is giving you an allowance and you are not involved in the marital finances in your relationship, then I have red flags going up to the point I can't post anymore about it.
Either way, stay strong. Live for you and what you need. It is all any of us have that matters.
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Mikie9, thank you for your response. No, I have not approached him on this. I'm afraid of him, have been for a long time. He used to be violent and loud, but not as much anymore. But I have this fear of him that will not go away. I cannot take confrontations with him, he is impossible to talk with reasonably and it always turns into a fight and somehow I'm always the one to blame. I'm just not brave enough to ask, and he'd lie anyway.
I know he smokes pot and he knows I know that, he gave up hiding that long ago. It smells like SKUNK, so it's hard to hide, even though he smokes outside. But the other possibility I have never asked, other than one time when he was falsely accusing me of something really stupid I did say, "I don't know what exactly you're blowing up your nose but it better stop" Amazingly, he didn't say one word in response and I expected all hell to break loose. Maybe I shocked him. Or he's at the point where he could care less whether I know or not. He IS getting careless it seems.
If you're talking cheating, I'm pretty sure that's in the mix also. He's cheated on me before.
I know the answer is get the hell out of here, but financially I don't know what to do. Even if he is a drug addict, he does keep the roof over our heads along with my disability money. I live with that, knowing we could get ahead and he has money to pay off bills and so on that he blows on gambling or drugs, but at least I'm not on the streets.
P.S.: He's going on 60 and he's smoked pot regularly since about age 16, I think that alone has messed up his brain pretty bad
I know he smokes pot and he knows I know that, he gave up hiding that long ago. It smells like SKUNK, so it's hard to hide, even though he smokes outside. But the other possibility I have never asked, other than one time when he was falsely accusing me of something really stupid I did say, "I don't know what exactly you're blowing up your nose but it better stop" Amazingly, he didn't say one word in response and I expected all hell to break loose. Maybe I shocked him. Or he's at the point where he could care less whether I know or not. He IS getting careless it seems.
If you're talking cheating, I'm pretty sure that's in the mix also. He's cheated on me before.
I know the answer is get the hell out of here, but financially I don't know what to do. Even if he is a drug addict, he does keep the roof over our heads along with my disability money. I live with that, knowing we could get ahead and he has money to pay off bills and so on that he blows on gambling or drugs, but at least I'm not on the streets.
P.S.: He's going on 60 and he's smoked pot regularly since about age 16, I think that alone has messed up his brain pretty bad
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Cheating is probably the least of your worries. It doesn't sound like you are in a healthy relationship in the slightest. I do not type that to be mean, at best just to confirm some of your suspicions.
I must stop now because i am not a psychologist and should in no way be giving comments on your situation. Just wanting to let you know you are not alone, and there is a better life out there. Best of luck Angie.
I must stop now because i am not a psychologist and should in no way be giving comments on your situation. Just wanting to let you know you are not alone, and there is a better life out there. Best of luck Angie.
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Originally Posted by AngieMarie
I know the answer is get the hell out of here, but financially I don't know what to do. Even if he is a drug addict, he does keep the roof over our heads along with my disability money. I live with that, knowing we could get ahead and he has money to pay off bills and so on that he blows on gambling or drugs, but at least I'm not on the streets.
What with your disability and your husband barring access to his finances, it sounds as though you're a prisoner in your own home.
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