Day 130
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Lincoln Park, NJ
Posts: 13
Day 130
Today's my 130th day sober. I posted for the 1st time back on day 105 when I was having my first real urge. The holidays and just this time of year are presenting problems for me as I'm sure they are for many of you. I'm at the point where my consideration of my bottom is questioning whether or not it was actually a bottom at all.
I attend AA meetings 3-4 times a week, have a commitment at my home group, a sponsor and small network that I keep in contact with daily. I keep nudging my sponsor to start the steps with me, which he wants to do with a workbook of some sort. I mentioned to him Tuesday night after our meeting about this to which he responded he made a "big note" of it and would talk to the guy from whom he learned and worked through this workbook with the next day. I called him today and he said he would be speaking to this guy tonight so we could start working, but I'm beginning to get really frustrated about it. I have sinus surgery scheduled the 18th, so I'll be out of commission for at least a week. That week of course includes christmas eve and christmas, two days I'm dreading. If I don't start doing some work soon, I feel like I might go back out.
Part of me feels like I should as my only daily habit was pot and most of the time I would be able to go out and have a drink or two and be fine. Only on few occasions have I felt compelled to have one drink after another or drank until I blacked out. The thing is, I'm 22 and a lot of people my age indulge as I have, but I still felt that something was inherently wrong with me when it came to drinking and getting high that wasn't so with other people.
I know ultimately my sobriety is my responsibility and if I went out any consequence would be mine to deal with. I'm really just using this to vent as I feel uncomfortable so doing with people from AA. There is so much ******** in the program that people try to press upon you as constitutional to AA that isn't even in the big book. I've been getting really turned off by some of the smugness and "holier than thou" attitudes of certain people that my reactions to their "suggestions" manifest in totally in fear or in complete abandon to whatever they're saying. I'm beginning to blank out now, so I'm just gonna cut it here. Thanks.
I attend AA meetings 3-4 times a week, have a commitment at my home group, a sponsor and small network that I keep in contact with daily. I keep nudging my sponsor to start the steps with me, which he wants to do with a workbook of some sort. I mentioned to him Tuesday night after our meeting about this to which he responded he made a "big note" of it and would talk to the guy from whom he learned and worked through this workbook with the next day. I called him today and he said he would be speaking to this guy tonight so we could start working, but I'm beginning to get really frustrated about it. I have sinus surgery scheduled the 18th, so I'll be out of commission for at least a week. That week of course includes christmas eve and christmas, two days I'm dreading. If I don't start doing some work soon, I feel like I might go back out.
Part of me feels like I should as my only daily habit was pot and most of the time I would be able to go out and have a drink or two and be fine. Only on few occasions have I felt compelled to have one drink after another or drank until I blacked out. The thing is, I'm 22 and a lot of people my age indulge as I have, but I still felt that something was inherently wrong with me when it came to drinking and getting high that wasn't so with other people.
I know ultimately my sobriety is my responsibility and if I went out any consequence would be mine to deal with. I'm really just using this to vent as I feel uncomfortable so doing with people from AA. There is so much ******** in the program that people try to press upon you as constitutional to AA that isn't even in the big book. I've been getting really turned off by some of the smugness and "holier than thou" attitudes of certain people that my reactions to their "suggestions" manifest in totally in fear or in complete abandon to whatever they're saying. I'm beginning to blank out now, so I'm just gonna cut it here. Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Don't give up, you are ahead of the game. Wish I was smart like you at your age. Could have saved myself 20 years and around half a million spent on booze and smoked.
There are alternatives other than AA. If you are spiritual look up indigo children. Following a structure can be hard if you are one of that new age generation.
There are alternatives other than AA. If you are spiritual look up indigo children. Following a structure can be hard if you are one of that new age generation.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
hi and welcome Paul 
All I can do for you is share my experience. I destroyed my life as completely on pot as I did on alcohol.
I believe the problems wasn't the substances I used, the problem was me.
I'm not in AA but I'm sorry to hear you're having difficulties with certain personalities. I guess all you can do is keep reminding yourself that people aren't always necessarily the programme
D
All I can do for you is share my experience. I destroyed my life as completely on pot as I did on alcohol.
I believe the problems wasn't the substances I used, the problem was me.
I'm not in AA but I'm sorry to hear you're having difficulties with certain personalities. I guess all you can do is keep reminding yourself that people aren't always necessarily the programme
D
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