eastboundndown

How did you guys hold yourselves responsible? I feel like that accountability is what's lacking with me. It would provide me with self control/will power and what I desire most-a new mindset.

I get motivated and kind of excited about being able to re-invent myself but then I relapse because there are no consequences and no accountability. I'm single, never married, no kids, no one depends on me for anything I have a great job, I own my own business in healthcare but I'm open 2 days a week bc I can't get motivated to grow it and bc my priority is getting high.

Please help me. I'm open to all. (FYI I'm not an NA person but I'm a member of a Pentecostal church that is full of recovering addicts and it's pretty much like a meeting as everyone tells their story when they testify) but I'm very open to other views and philosophies as well.

beware of broken people, for they know how to survive

Renarde

I joined the class of September thread when I quit at the end of August. I post to my class all day long and the relationships I have there help keep me accountable.

doggonecarl

You say you aren't an "NA person." What's an NA person, in your mind?

There is such a thing as accountability to oneself. It's called integrity. I think that's more important to recovery than accountability to wife, kids, job, etc. The friends and family board is filled with the accountability partners of active addicts.

You get clean for YOU. It's your addiction. Own it. And your recovery. Own that.

ScottFromWI

Why not AA/NA meetings on a daily basis? You said you are open to anything, right?

badger1

Hi. Before I started my classes in Sep that made me stop; for a couple of months I went to this Mens Accountability AA meeting once a week. What it is is the chair keeps a record of all the things you are going to do in the next week for whatever step you are on. The next week you honestly own up to what you did and what you did not. The group holds you accountable. This was/is the best meeting I go to. It is obviously not for everyone as the group does call BS when they hear it. But this is really helpful.

So what I am saying is, if you are in AA; find out more people who are like you and want to be held accountable. Then find out how to start your own meeting and do it.

pattyj

Do you have insurance? I could not have gotten sober without IOP, intensive outpatient program. I was not in the right mind to hold myself accountable when I first got sober. If not, try AA or some other support program, get a sponsor or someone who keeps you accountable and talk to them daily; I got a sponsor as well even though I hated going to meetings. The beginning is very hard; I didn't drink because I got UAs all the time in IOP. Now I can successfully hold myself accountable for my actions. We do need a little help sometimes.

hypochondriac

My accountability was definitely this place, and the class of March. I posted regularly and the thought of having to come here and say I had relapsed really helped keep me sober. Also the concepts in AVRT helped with accountability for me as it made me be accountable for my own actions.

Anna

This was huge for me, too.

Even though I had a family, I had to ultimately be accountable to myself. Doing so, was the beginning of an enormous shift and change in my life because in order to be accountable to myself, I had to learn to like and love myself. Being accountable to someone else didn't work for me.

KateL

I found some self-worth after decades of having none. I am accountable to myself and my children. I don't want to let any of us down.

azureseas

In the same way that I choose to go to work, pay my bills and look after my dogs it is also my responsibility not to drink every day
I know its harder because you can kind of get away with it, at least for a while
When I am drinking it was almost like I was a floating head lost in my own mind
I need to be present in my body with my feet on the earth, awake

IWillWin

Love yourself more than you love to drink. Once that happens, you will be accountable to yourself fully and completely. At least that is how it worked for me. Every time I have of wanted to waiver it was usually because I was having a good old fashioned pity party and beating myself up instead of loving myself despite whatever was happening to me or around me.

This is a looooooong process and the game changes on a daily basis but at the end of the day I want to look in the mirror and love what I see. And for me, that's sober me. Drunk me is an ugly reflection.

deeker

Join the 24 Hour club. We sign in daily and commit to staying clean and sober for 24 hours. A Roster is posted nightly at 10 pm EST USA with all those who signed in.

foolsgold66

Perhaps volunteering somewhere on a daily basis where there are others that need help even more badly than yourself.

360shoes

I too am single and quite frankly, didn't really have anyone or thing stopping me from doing what I wanted. I just got to the point where I was sick of drinking. I always did hate how I felt after I drank.

I did weird things at first. Pretty much whatever I needed to do to get the job done. I wanted to stop drinking. I had done it before so I knew life was better. I didn't have to question that one.

First I made a commitment. I told myself I would not drink no matter what. I meant it. I didn't care how bad I felt or how cruddy I thought life was. I would not drink. I knew the longer I could do it, the better it would get. So, I joined the March group and just jumped in.

Then I needed some accountability. Didn't know exactly how I would do it but I knew it would help until I got to the point where I could be accountable to myself. I think that's why it's hard at first. I wasn't especially good at caring about me. Superficially yes but not where it really counts anyway. So I needed some help till I was good at it.

Here's where it gets weird. I downloaded a stupid app on my ipad and set up my goals. I gave myself a happy face for everyday I achieved a goal. No alcohol...happy face. Exercise..happy face. Wash the makeup off my face every night...happy face. You get the point. I got to where I couldn't wait to put in my damn happy faces. I loved seeing them add up.

This is what I learned. I had to make a decision. Pure and simple. I'm either a drinker or I'm not. Then I had to take some action. I couldn't just sit around and think about me not being a drinker. I had to get off my butt and do something. Never could think a problem away so why was this any different. Kind of like wanting to lose the 10lbs I wanted to lose. Thinking about it all the time wasn't going to get the job done.

It wasn't all that different for me than developing any habit. I just had to do it. Consistently.
Whether I liked it or not. Eventually, I liked it.

I will say this though. If I didn't want to quit drinking, it wouldn't have mattered what I did. Just like the money I spend every month on a personal trainer I don't use. I don't do it. And I don't care that I don't do it. Not the money, not him bugging and texting me all the time. Don't care. I don't want to do it.

You have to want the prize to be accountable.

Kaneda8888

I second what Deeker, Renarde and Anna posted. All are great recommendations. Keep connected here !

bemyself

I reckon 360shoes broke it down very well into the daily details of accountability for those of us who live alone or live in such a way that it's pretty easy - too easy- to pick up alcohol again without anyone knowing (for a little while, anyway). After all, we know in ourselves, don't we?!

MythOfSisyphus

Lack of accountability was a factor in drinking for 25 years. But I quit still not really accountable to anyone but myself. The part of me that understands that I can no longer drink it dictating terms to the part of me that wants to get drunk (the AV/Beast). But it's my choice, not really anything to do with anyone else.

Each of us has to find what works for us.

7Stance

I suppose I struggle with this myself. Very different applications of it though so I know it'll be different. For me it's a lack of care. It's very hard to think or allow myself to comprehend myself and what I care about, let alone build upon that and care about other things. I imagine it's about how I percieve things, and how I want things to end up. How I treat people and things in life. It sort of revolves around the sort of person I want to be, and being extreamly honest with myself when I do(or don't do) something that goes against who I want to be.

I don't think you'll care through a proxy organisation. But I think they can help you to identify why you care about things and help you strengthen that connection so you are aware of things when you stray from what you believe in. In the end the only one who can truly hold you accountable is yourself. Atleast that's what I think. The problem may be holding onto your care.

LadyBlue0527

Hi eastboundndown,

There's a clue within your post that may assist in accountability. You say that there aren't any consequences but what is this?

Isn't that a consequence? What would happen if you got motivated and opened it more than 2 days a week? Wouldn't that then make you more accountable and responsible? What's holding you back from doing that?

I identify with what you're saying. It's part of the reason that I've devoted myself to volunteer work that's of a very serious nature. I do hold a full time job but I needed something in my life that would help me to stay focused and dedicated to sobriety. I also needed to find something that gave my life meaning and concluded that the best way for me to do that was to give back. I toyed with the idea of doing this when I was still drinking, excuse me for a moment , ok, well, you get the idea. This volunteer work requires that I am able to get somewhere within 20 minutes when I'm on call and can occur at all hours of the night. I waited almost 6 months after I got sober to embark upon it. I have to be fully accountable and responsible and doing this has assisted me with that and I get to help people who are suffering with severe emotional trauma. I'm making a difference. This and sobriety are two of the best things I have ever done in my life. If I ever picked up that first drink I would have to force myself to give that up. No snowball's chance in hell that will ever happen.

Enough about me, what would happen if you started opening your business for more than 2 days a week? I'm not saying all at once 5 days a week but in baby steps? You say that you're not motivated because your priority is getting high. Take a look back at your first post and think about how sick you were of it all. You have to fill that space with something that's going to make you happy. If you don't want to devote more time to your business is there anything else in life that you can't do because of using? Well, think about it, now you can. Through that you will find responsibility and accountability but you have to take the action to get there.

Get movin'

Threshold

I wanted to be clean/sober and free. I wanted that to be part of my life, forever. When I got clean/sober for real...I was divorced, my kids grown and on their own, no pets and no partner. I didn't owe any money. I didn't owe anyone anything.

So, what was my motivation? I wanted sobriety. To have it I had to not drink and work a program to pull my life together so I could have a life that consisted of more than "not using today."

I was responsible for my life and recovery and that was my accountability. To feed it, nurture it, protect it, grow it, etc.

In fact I needed to learn to live NOT accountable to someone else. I had to grow up and learn to make my own decisions and carry them out without anyone giving me a semi annual review, or scold me if I did wrong, etcetc. I needed that in all areas of my life. To learn to do things for the right reason, a solid reason. To stop living out of fear and start living with a desire to move forwards.

THAT was part of MY process. To learn to trust myself to make the right decision for the right reasons.

I did find that through the 12 steps, using NA literature and the step working guide.

NA is a 12 step program of recovery. It's not about people standing up and sharing a testimony. Though that happens at discussion and open meetings, the solution is the steps. Listening to the stories of others won't fix us.

I would suggest you try some Basic text, literature, step study meetings and see if you find them more useful.

For some people having a religious experience might fix them in a flash, but for most of us we find our HP wants us more involved with our own recovery, taking the time and effort to work a program that helps us examine and sort out our lives. It's a spiritual change, that makes us willing and wanting to address many more things in life than our substance abuse, and to SHARE that with others.

best to you.