trudgingagain

I agree with Scott as well...and it is true that idle time makes it more difficult. I am retired...and so thought I could learn to drink "like a normal person"...HA! Three years later, I am now on day 53. I dislocated my ankle and fractured 3 bones in my foot (while completely sober, BTW). 10 screws, a metal plate and 26 stitches....Was non-weight bearing for 2 months. That was probably the only time during the last 3 years that I drank "normally" (a couple of glasses of wine each night)...AND that was only because I was so afraid I would fall and re-injure my ankle, while using a walker! As soon as I was up and about, I started again....Good for you for trying to get sober at a young age. I have had years of sobriety, always followed by relapses....so a plan is definitely necessary. So very many options today to maintain sobriety! Best of luck to you...you will be amazed how much you can get done during all that free time if sober

James18

Thanks for the reply , sorry to hear about your accident. I know how frustrating it is being laid up.

I tried drinking moderately too and it didn't work. I finished up slipping down the stairs and setting myself back weeks, I was really annoyed with myself. I've had quite a few periods of unemployment which always result in heavy drinking (and have sometimes been the result of it), but not being able to get around makes things worse. It's even more difficult to fill your time. The devil does indeed find work for idle hands.

Getting sober sooner rather than later seems to make sense; I am only going to get worse if something doesn't change.

trudgingagain

Moderation never worked for me....at some point it always ended up in blackouts, passouts, etc. etc. From my own experiences with sobriety/drinking....I have been fighting this fight for 22 years. Although, I have had 15/22 years of sobriety in total. It never got better for me when I "went out"....I did have the great obsession that someday I would be able to drink like a normal drinker....never happened...

ClearMind

I know it's cliché and with most people it probably goes in one ear and out the other, but I find that exercising really helps. Something about how it causes endorphins to be released which gives you a feeling of pleasure and wards off any cravings or negative thoughts that really helps me. Give it a try, if you don't already!

James18

Yeah, I try to exercise as much as possible but it's difficult with my knee. A couple more weeks and I should be up to a bit more. I go out mountain biking and walking when I'm not the worse for drink.

jdooner

James - welcome. You can post and help others here on SR as part of your service. If you are out of work and have more time charity or volunteering could be a great focus too. Try to find some meetings, either AA or RR I am sure those would be more than happy to accept help and put you to work.

The plan is great and in line with Rational Recovery approach. It is also the step in learning to live sober - change your habits. Abstinence or sobriety to me is the first step towards recovery but is not in fact recovery. For me alcohol was a symptom of bigger issues, all of which I was unable to tackle while drinking. As Scott suggested a program is helpful, particularly for the recovery part so you can being to figure out what you were escaping from with the using and drinking.

One step at a time and I think your plan is a great idea and good luck. Please keep us up on your progress. By posting you may give somebody like myself some ideas that I can incorporate for my own program or keep someone else from drinking - I consider this a great service.

James18

Hi jdooner, thanks for your post. You're right that alcohol is a symptom of bigger issues. I've thought about this a lot over the last few years and know pretty much what they are, I've just been unwilling/unable to do anything about them.

I've got myself a copy of Rational Recovery and in that it says "you will probably discover that some of your pet hang ups, the ones that cause you to drink or use, no longer exist'. This applies to me in some part and after forcing myself to confront my behavior I've realized I can deal with these issues without alcohol. I've pushed myself into situations sober that I would have previously had to drink in and found out some of them I've handled more confidently than I thought, and better than I could ever have drunk.

I think just concentrating on the 'symptom' will not get anyone anywhere.

I'm just about to sign up for another 24 hours in deeker's thread which will take me into day 8 - the longest I've done for a long while.

I will keep reading and posting on here. I find ot helpful in both says and hope my posts might be helpful to someone else.

jdooner

Congratulations on 8 days. The firs two weeks were hell for me. First week was physical detox then week two was mental torture. It go better going into week 3 and the rest of the first month and into the second were "pink cloud" experience. end of month 2 and month 3 were tough again, the shine sort of wore off a bit and then beg of month four has been tough but I an entering a new phase - of acceptance - my experience.

I am in AA, not RR but I have read the RR books, as well as In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts (great book), The Power of Now (life changing), Happiness Hypothesis (newest read), Big Book (studying this as I go through the steps), Living Sober, 12 Steps and 12 Traditions.

In addition to my work, I goto 2 meetings per week, meet with my sponsor once per week for step work, sometimes twice if I can find the time, therapy once per week, I am married with two small children, workout 5 days a week and work roughly 60hours per week. Its a lot but if it is important you find the time. Being fully occupied I think helps - boredom can be a big enemy.

I too have started to volunteer recently for the service aspect.

Dee74

way to go on day 8 James

D

wehav2day

congrats on day 8, james, you rock!

see you on the 24 hour thread. :-)

James18

Thanks Dee, wehav2day, just signed up for another 24. Day 9 here I come. I had a crappy day yesterday but managed to get through. I'm going into town today for an appointment anf then something to eat/drink with my oh. This is when I struggle the most, but I'm gonna do it! Coffee and soft drinks only.

James18

Well I fell off the wagon again. I'm not even gonna start beating myself up about it, just get back on and start again. Damn. I was doing OK there for a while too...

James18

I don't even think it's the alcohol that I struggle to avoid, it's saying no to people I can't do. Yesterday I didn't have a drink again at first and then my fiancé decides she wants to stay in town and 'have a few drinks'. We don't have a lot of money and very rarely go out, so I felt like I was ruining the day by saying no. Anyway, here I am again, hung over, after a huge row we got into over something unrelated to booze that I flew off the handle over. We nearly decided to call things quits yesterday (or I did) and today it seems so utterly stupid.

I just hope the upshot of last night was she realizes what an effect drink is having on me and that I need to quit for good.

doggonecarl

I believe you are mistaken, James. Not being able to say no to people about alcohol IS struggling to avoid alcohol...you can't manage to not drink.

But saying you are right and I'm wrong, that they are two entirely different things. If you know this is a problem, adjust your plan accordingly.

Doing the same thing over and over expecting different results is a hallmark of our problem.

James18

You may well be right. While I was typing it I was questioning whether it was true or not. I guess if there's a decision to be made, the outcome will be in favour of alcohol. Part of my reasoning for drinking yesterday was also 'if not drinking, what the hell else do we do?' That is a continuing problem.

hokey

I totally understand the "not being able to say no" thing James. I feel exactly the same way, especially when it comes to saying no to my BF. He's put up with a lot of s*** from me over the years because of my alcoholism and I hate to say no to him. But I HAVE to when it comes to my sobriety. He doesn't have a problem and sometimes he just doesn't get it, but I tell him it doesn't matter ... he doesn't have to understand, but he does have to respect my decisions in this regard. If he suggests anything that I think may compromise my sobriety, and it's happened in the last few weeks, I just say no. I HAVE to. I don't expect him to quit drinking ... not at all ... but I will NOT put myself in a situation where I will be tempted. I'm not ready for that yet.

Hopefully your OH understands now that you cannot be a part of that lifestyle, for now at least. Good luck James!!! You can do this!!!

Dee74

I could never say no either James - so I had to take myself completely out of those situations for a while.

Boring maybe, but at least I stayed sober.

D