Suekie

I made a complete fool out of myself at a work function about 5 years ago. I still cringe when I think about it. A lot of us have been there, I'm sure. It's a good wake up call. And a good opportunity to change. Just remember, they are only people, too. And even though it's on your mind 24/7 right now, it's not on theirs. Hope you feel better soon.

EndGameNYC

You probably made your customers feel better about their own drinking.

I was working as a bartender when I first got sober many years ago. My boss knew I stopped drinking, but never got into it with me. I was grateful for that since I only started working for him a couple of months after I got sober.

Anyway, after about six months, he had me working with another guy who got drunk every single night at work. Slurred speech, falling down behind the bar...a total mess. Blind drunk. When this started seriously affecting me, I talked to my boss about it -- after first talking to other bartender on several occasions -- and my boss didn't see a problem with it. My boss came in one night soon afterwards, saw the guy drunk, and then went home. Nothing ever came of it.

The thing is, most of the customers loved him with many coming in only on the nights he worked, and we usually made good money when he did work.

Go figure.

SnoozyQ

Great advice Bob .
It only gets better Hereon in if you give the poison up .

Life really does get better , my last ugly binge is quickly becoming a fading memory . But not so much that I feel cocky about it.

I know it can bite me in the arse in the blink of an eye

Good luck hun xxxxx. Stay close to us . And let it go now , what's done is done xx

malcolmsloan

I relate. I was barback for 5 years. I'm sure we could all go for hours with, "one time I. . .stories." I have a bunch that I have zero recolection of, only what people tell/told me. I like the honestey and moving forward advice.

malcolmsloan

Hey, Endgame, I worked with a bartender like that, too. And he always pulled in awesome tips. However, as his barback, I always had to doctor my break (how much booze we went through vs. how much we sold) because the guy got so smashed that he'd give away a ton of booze, hence the healthy tips. I never said anything cause he was tipping me out-not very honest of me, but I was drinking right along with him. Dark memories.

EndGameNYC

Same here, Malcolm. Not only was he giving away the bar, but he was easily finishing off more than a quart himself each night. Every night was ladies night. The owners didn't seem to care.

1stthingsfirst

Cc, thanks for this post. I am also scared to face people after yesterday's binge. I have hid my alcoholism from everyone so well that they were shocked and confounded when I was arrested yesterday for spousal assault and belligerent behavior. I cannot believe I scratched him and bit his thumb. Why will I never learn? Please tell me the shame goes away.

SnoozyQ

These memories will fade , with the shame . It goes away .
It's not the real you . Take the alcohol away and you will find the real you again.

Good luck xx

ClearLight

I hope you'll consider getting another job.
Seems to me that the worst place for someone addicted to alcohol is behind a bar. I was a bartender for over a decade.
You'll probably have a drop in income initially but it will be worth it.

cc64

My husband and I are relocating. He leaves Dec 14 and I will follow in January when there is enough money. My job is done as of next month. No income is not an option, and getting another job, and then leaving in 30-45 days seems rude. Ugh.......I really don't want to go back to work, but I have to eat too....

ClearLight

I'll just throw this out as something to consider --- maybe there could be some kind of temp work.
You might be surprised what a temp agency would have.

Something to consider anyway.

Good luck!

ClearMind

Be happy this happened - it gives you a reason to quit the poison.

MIRecovery

Unfortunately consequences just kept coming until I fixed the cause. AA worked for me when all else failed