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Old 12-04-2013, 07:18 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Talking Old but new

Hello everybody my name is Stephanie I am a grateful recovering alcoholic today. I have 42 days sober THIS TIME. I have been in this program for 10 years now, and I had over a year of zero substances PERIOD NO MATTER WHAT at one time. As it stands today I have not seen a jail, needle, meth, heroin, crack/cocaine in over 5 years (9/08/08) I got successfully clean, got my life and child back etc all through this program. Then one day God blessed me with a government job! I'm a felon in another state- no clue to this day. It was Gods will.
When I lost that job, I lost everything. Including my however dry sobriety. For years since getting clean I had drank like a normal earth person. Take a sip pour it out bcuz it got hot...going months between drinks....the point is I did not get drunk. I was being a "social drinker." Well...all that changed. I began to drink heavily. Blacking out. Drinking and driving. The phenomenon of craving returned. In no Time I started to abuse prescription opiates (tabs Percs morphine) and drinking with that. I suffer from a grave disorder- PTSD. I have had PTSD since I was 2 and I'm 27 now. I have always been prescribed to klonopin WHEN I HAVE INSURANCE, and to this day I have not had an abusive relationship with this medication. I had never liked pills. They scared me. But needles were ok?? Lol some are sicker than others anyways...it took about 6 weeks for me to notice a problem. From may until October 29th 2013 I was spunked up on pills and alcohol. I kept relapsing. I was going back to my home group in vacation (I live in tn my HG is in New Mexico) but this was not enough. It was like "treatment." I hated my AA here where I lived....
I made a decision to return to the meetings where I live regardless of the fact it's RIGHT IN crack valley, my old stomping grounds. I started to listen. I began to try these silly suggestions that I had not yet bought into. I began to do something I hadn't done in awhile....practice. I have had the same sponsor for 5 years, she's amazing. I finally started to FROG everything. that's to fully rely on God for EVERYTHING. No matter what. And it's working because I'm working it. Today I feel this program is in my heart not my head. Knowledge will not keep us sober. So here I am 42 days sober. And a lot of great things are happening. My HP God has me grounded no job- just AA. All 3 sides of the triangle every day. I have a choice today to be happy or angry like I've been my whole life. Today I choose to feel exactly how God intended me to feel bcuz there are no mistakes in Gods world today.
I am new to "internet aa" so to speak...i was looking up my crazy out of control anxiety that I take nothing for and noticed that my suspicions are correct it is in fact due to the opiates. S**t! I knew better....but that's ok like I said I choose to be happy today. Love and hugs from TN ~ODAAT
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Old 12-04-2013, 07:19 AM
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Hi Stef (back)

PS Tennesee? You should come to the UK with that accent, you'd have guys all over the place
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Old 12-04-2013, 07:22 AM
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HAHAHA well thank u *blush faced*
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Old 12-04-2013, 07:24 AM
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T'is only the truth gal Xx
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Old 12-04-2013, 07:27 AM
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Hey Stef,welcome to SR.

Glad you found this site. There is a lot of encouragement here to help you through any bumps on your path through sobriety.
42 days is awesome.
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Old 12-04-2013, 07:28 AM
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Have a good look around Stef and please keep reading and posting. I'm at work just now, so apologies for the short replies Xx
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Old 12-04-2013, 07:37 AM
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Originally Posted by ODAATsSteff View Post
Hello everybody my name is Stephanie I am a grateful recovering alcoholic today. I have 42 days sober THIS TIME. I have been in this program for 10 years now, and I had over a year of zero substances PERIOD NO MATTER WHAT at one time. As it stands today I have not seen a jail, needle, meth, heroin, crack/cocaine in over 5 years (9/08/08) I got successfully clean, got my life and child back etc all through this program. Then one day God blessed me with a government job! I'm a felon in another state- no clue to this day. It was Gods will.
When I lost that job, I lost everything. Including my however dry sobriety. For years since getting clean I had drank like a normal earth person. Take a sip pour it out bcuz it got hot...going months between drinks....the point is I did not get drunk. I was being a "social drinker." Well...all that changed. I began to drink heavily. Blacking out. Drinking and driving. The phenomenon of craving returned. In no Time I started to abuse prescription opiates (tabs Percs morphine) and drinking with that. I suffer from a grave disorder- PTSD. I have had PTSD since I was 2 and I'm 27 now. I have always been prescribed to klonopin WHEN I HAVE INSURANCE, and to this day I have not had an abusive relationship with this medication. I had never liked pills. They scared me. But needles were ok?? Lol some are sicker than others anyways...it took about 6 weeks for me to notice a problem. From may until October 29th 2013 I was spunked up on pills and alcohol. I kept relapsing. I was going back to my home group in vacation (I live in tn my HG is in New Mexico) but this was not enough. It was like "treatment." I hated my AA here where I lived....
I made a decision to return to the meetings where I live regardless of the fact it's RIGHT IN crack valley, my old stomping grounds. I started to listen. I began to try these silly suggestions that I had not yet bought into. I began to do something I hadn't done in awhile....practice. I have had the same sponsor for 5 years, she's amazing. I finally started to FROG everything. that's to fully rely on God for EVERYTHING. No matter what. And it's working because I'm working it. Today I feel this program is in my heart not my head. Knowledge will not keep us sober. So here I am 42 days sober. And a lot of great things are happening. My HP God has me grounded no job- just AA. All 3 sides of the triangle every day. I have a choice today to be happy or angry like I've been my whole life. Today I choose to feel exactly how God intended me to feel bcuz there are no mistakes in Gods world today.
I am new to "internet aa" so to speak...i was looking up my crazy out of control anxiety that I take nothing for and noticed that my suspicions are correct it is in fact due to the opiates. S**t! I knew better....but that's ok like I said I choose to be happy today. Love and hugs from TN ~ODAAT
Your post is going to save me today. Thank you and welcome to cyber recovery. I'm struggling too but I feel its not over til I'm over dead. Lets keep trying together, shall we?
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Old 12-04-2013, 02:47 PM
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Welcome to SR Steff
great to have you here

D
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Old 12-04-2013, 02:56 PM
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Welcome Stephanie, congrats on 42 days sober. Glad you have joined us.
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Old 12-04-2013, 03:01 PM
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Hi Stephanie *waves*
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Old 12-04-2013, 03:04 PM
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Welcome, Stephanie!
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