Suekie

Hello all.

I am having a hard time. I don't like being sober. I drank to numb the pain of things I'm going through right now and now I'm just left with pain and shame and reality. I am not going to drink. But I'm just so depressed.

My drinking really took a turn for the worse early this year. Like I said I've been a heavy drinker for 20 years, but this year is when it got really REALLY bad.

I'm a 36 year old female and I'm losing my hair. My hairline is receding (and I already have a massive forehead from birth) and it is becoming so thin you can see my scalp. It has crushed my already compromised self esteem. I don't like to leave the house but I have to for my f/t job in which I am constantly interacting with people and for my children's sports. I can barely look in the mirror anymore. I've tried everything and I fear wigs are in my very very near future. This terrifies me. It's one of the reasons I quit drinking. I felt that if I started to feel better about myself that I would have the courage to wear a wig and not feel ashamed. But I just.. can't. I just want to crawl into a hole and die. And I have so much to live for.. most importantly a beautiful family.

I just want the pain to stop. And it won't. And I"m so very down. It's sad that really the only thing that gets me through the day is telling myself...life isn't permanent and this will be over one day. :/

Skye2

I was shedding loads of hair while I was drinking and was one of the main reasons for finally quitting. I'd spent 10 years growing it, so you can imagine how I felt.
The good news is, it soon comes back

Suekie

I don't think this is from drinking though.. I wish it was that simple. I saw a dermatologist and he told me I suffer from female pattern baldness. Also, I had the Brazilian Blowout done in Feb of 2012 and my hair has never been the same.. and getting worse by the week. I really think that had something to do with it. It sheds and sheds and no regrowth I can't even wear it in a ponytail anymore. It's horrendous.

Skye2

Oh sweetheart - can I ask though, did you tell the dermatologist about drinking? Xx

Dee74

The thing to remember Suekie is early recovery is pretty horrendous really - but it's not the same as recovery.

It gets better - way better. You just have to hang in there, let your body and mind recuperate, and you will feel better I promise.

I can't promise it will help with the hair thing, but my hair was falling out in handfulls by the end of my drinking days...it's not anymore, & hasn't for years, so a little sober time certainly won't hurt

D

awuh1

Suekie, I found this article. It may offer some hope. Jessica Misener: Keratin Made My Hair Fall Out! A Cautionary Tale (PHOTOS)

MythOfSisyphus

I feel for you, Suekie. That has to be terrible for a woman...with guys it sucks but it's common enough that most people don't think much of it. And guys can pull off the shaved head. Have you talked to your doctor about any treatments, eg Propecia or Rogaine? Maybe transplants?

I realize it's hard but the hair loss issue and your drinking are different, unrelated issues. All of us had our reasons for drinking but problem drinkers have one thing in common- an inability to control our consumption. If you're an alcoholic, waking up tomorrow morning with a gloriously full mane of hair wouldn't stop you from drinking, you'd just switch to drinking to celebrate instead of to drown your sorrows.

Hang in there, Suekie. Life is temporary but problems are too. Things can only get better while we're on the green side of the grass. Give it a chance.

BTW, read that article! I have never heard of a "Brazilian Blowout" before, but the article implies the damage isn't generally permanent.

Suekie

Thank you all.

No, I didn't tell the derm about drinking. I researched it A LOT online and I never found any correlation between the two. Though, I'm not giving up hope 100%, I'm hoping that sobriety helps. But I'm not holding my breath :/

awuh1 - I read that article too.. her hair doesn't even look bad though and hers grew back in months.. I'm coming up on almost 2 years

I'm trying to keep a positive outlook but it's hard when I can't look at myself in the mirror.

neferkamichael

Suekie, day 15 is FANTASTIC, congratulations. Rootin for ya.

Lifeisforliving

I just want to tell ya that I'm rooting for ya.

From my experience, sitting in the muck of life helps me move on thru it. I applaud you for telling us how you feel - REAL feelings. Now feel it until you can't feel it anymore, grieve, give thanks for it, give it back to the universe, & move on.

Sharpy

Hi Suekie... Have you had your thyroid tested?

malcolmsloan

Suekie, I'm so sorry you are feeling low. Okay, so I know that hair loss is socially different for men and women, but I do relate. I first started noticing that I was losing my hair my junior year of high school. By the time I was 19, it was very clear that I would have the hair line of Mick Fleetwood by the time I was 21. So, from a male point of view, feel your pain. It sucks. However, even in your dark moment, remember our hair does not define us. Neither does our nose, shoulders, belly, knees, waist, or any other outward outward part of our body. Like Nonesensical, one of the voices of experience here, said you will start to feel better, you will start to gain confidence and self-worth from not drinking. And when you do, watch out world! I hope that some day, you will say, F!@& hair, I feel great, this is the way I look, this is me, I'm not going to let alcohol steal my self-esteem. And if you want to wear a wig, do it, own it, rock that f!@$er. And if you don't, same thing, own it. If you feel strong and confident inside, you will be beautiful outside. Sorry if I sound like I'm on a soap box, in a way I guess I am, but if you can stick this out Suekie, I think you'll find a whole new confidence. I'm pulling for you.

Suekie

Thank you so much for this. It has been my intention, with my sobriety, to hopefully get to the point where I CAN own it, where I can say s**** what other people think my hair doesn't define me. I've used almost the same sentence you said when discussing how I wanted to handle my hair loss with a friend. I just can't seem to picture myself ever being able to do that, ever not feeling self conscious. I hope and pray that some way, somehow I arrive at that place. But right now, I just can't picture it. Thank you so much for your kind words.

malcolmsloan

I know what you mean Sukie. Again, like I heard someone hear say, the theif, alchohol, has stolen this from you. I'm no veteran of sobriety, but with time, work, and support from people who understand, I think you'll get that confidence. Stay strong Sukie. I hope you have a good day.

JaylaaKent

Awww Suk - wish I could give you a hug, it's OK. Personally, my hair has been falling out since I QUIT drinking. I think it's all the stress of dealing with things that I was so used to numbing? My partner got two huge bald patches both times after stopping drinking (each time he drank about 6-7 years). Took about 1-2 years for it to grow back (not trying to discourage you). I definitely would talk to a DR (or a second opinion). Don't feel like wearing a wig is humiliating - look at all the housewives doing it? *LOL* You have your health and sobriety - and getting better is more important than anything right now. Drinking would only prolong your misery. My scale is my new worse enemy - keeps going up, up, up since I quit drinking - but I too am chalking it up to stress and being newly sober.

Markdad3

I understand the preoccupation with a physical problem. I have lupus and it has scarred my face. I used to really feel bad about myself, but I feel much better now. Happiness is an inside job. When you feel like the amazing miracle you are on the inside, it doesnt matter what I look like on the outside. Your insides will feel better as you recover. God Bless.

CactusJill

I am with Malcolmsloan on this one.

I am so sorry to hear about your hair loss. As a woman, I can imagine that must be very difficult. But if it were me, I would use it as an opportunity to wear many, many glorious wigs! Seriously, they are so well made and there are such a variety of wigs out there that the possibilities are literally endless.

redfacedmama

Sukie,

Thank you for being so honest. I always pretended to be "ok." A counselor once told me if he slapped me across the face I would still be smiling and it was true.

The hair loss is difficult but think of the Tom Jones song about wearing a wig hat on your head. Go out and get you the nicest wig you can find and wear it proudly!

Iluvdisney

I can say when I was drinking my hair looked like ****!! Looked thin at the scalp, limp. I also was loosing it but not sure if that was related to drinking or the Thyroid issue I was having. I can say since eating healthy and my addition of vitamins I have seen a big difference.

foolsgold66

I'm sorry hun, I don't like being sober much either right now. I'm male and have an enormous forehead and am totally bald on top! I'm long past mourning my hair but I do remember it...

I have a slightly wacky idea for you. Buy some beautiful scarves, shave your head, wear the scarves each day and just rock it like that. Embrace it if you can. Turn it upside down, make it your thing instead of your hangup. Just a thought, I won't be disappointed if it won't work for you.