Mikie9

OMG....It is so true that once you give up an addiction, you are left to face that which the addiction created. Today at work was pure hell. Not the job itself, but the people. Well, no, me.

I have been a heavy drinker since i have worked there, so obviously I have changed over the last couple of weeks. I don't find the same people interesting anymore, I don't act the same. So I was alone all day. I am alone enough as it is right now at home, so being at work alone just burnt a hole in my soul.

I tried to interact with them, but it was just so boring. I am not judging them, they are who they are and there is nothing wrong with them. It is me that is changing, not them. But without talking to them and being social in their group I am lost.

I do not want to go back to drinking just to be in their social circle and fit in. But the frustration I felt today and will feel the rest of the week is and will be maddening!

I tried talking to some other people at work to no avail. They just see me as the guy who is hung over every day and not worth much effort. And to be frank, they bore the crap out of me.

Anyways, I am safe from the booze, no matter what I am not going back to that life. I am just struggling to make this new life hurry I guess. And i am giving it a month, if I can't come to terms with this and make it work there, I will have to move on. I have 30+ people who work for me and depend on me so that weighs on my mind as well. If I leave, they will be hurt to some extent because I know the owners will replace me with a Dbag and their work lives will be torment.

man..... sorry for the rant I just had to get that out. I am heading to the gym and I am going to pick a fight with the biggest steroid user there and hopefully get a broken arm or something so I can skip work for a week or two....

just kidding, I will be on the treadmill stomping my way thru a few miles, grrrrr

KateL

It's tough at first but will get better xxxx

least

I'm glad you're not going to drink.

hokey

"Anyways, I am safe from the booze, no matter what I am not going back to that life. I am just struggling to make this new life hurry I guess."
Had me scared for a minute there Mikie , when I read the title of your post... I clicked on it and while it was loading ( I have abominably SLOW internet) I was thinking "No Mikie, No Mikie" oh whew Get on that treadmill, but stay away from those big steroid users, k? Stay strong ...

Dee74

You'll find it easier Mikie
Hope tomorrow is better

D

Mikie9

Thanks guys, this new life is hard. Which means I was just taking the easy way out for all this time. Sucks. But things are what they are and I must dal with it with time, not action.

And Hokey... If I was gonna drink the thread title would be filled with curse words I was eyeing one big guy tho.... but he turned out to be nice so I couldn't pick a fight with him. If you knew me in real life, you'd giggle cause I am a very laid back person and would only fight if I or my family were in harms way. And then I would get all redneck like

I think I may need some physiological help. I can refrain from drinking, but all of this new life stuff is throwing me for a loop. All I have ever done is drink and smoke pot away from most people. Just throwing myself out into the world isn't going to work I don't think.

gramphil

So glad you came right to this forum to vent instead of retreating inward and drinking or smoking pot. It speaks well of your strength and resolve. It also helps me on the 4th night of sobriety b/c you're also dealing with frustrations at work. Good luck and know we're pulling for you.

bigsombrero

Interesting thoughts.

Ever gone to AA? I went to a few meetings - not my cup of tea, really, but it was really helpful in the beginning. I especially remember seeing a healthy, good-looking guy in his mid-30s show up on his bicycle and speak to the group about his past...helped me realize that I could get there too someday. You might benefit from seeing something like that. The price is right, too. Bring $1, and yourself. If you go to a larger Saturday meeting, you can just listen and leave without being singled out or feeling on the spot. I also did addiction therapy (was about $50 a session) a few times when I was still getting my baby-giraffe-sober-legs under me.

All in all, I spent less than $200 bucks on all that stuff, and it really helped. Perhaps you could benefit from a meeting or a session? I know it helped me to be in recovery "in real life" as well. Felt liberating to be "out" as an alcoholic. Something for you to chew on, maybe.

Mikie9

It speaks to this forum, it's all I have in this struggle. To play on my signature quote, I was crawling at work today, and I got to where I couldn't do that around 2pm today. So I found someone to carry me.

Dee74

Give it a little time. Living sober is a skill like anything else - takes a little time to learn...you'll find it's a pretty quick learning curve tho

Mikie9

I am thinking about AA. I need help with this, on how to learn to live sober. My only issue is the religious aspect. I live in the bible belt, God is the answer for everything, but not for my mind and this has been true since I was a boy.

I need something tho. The only reason I didn't drink tonight was because of this site, which is awesome btw. But I can't survive on cyber pals for much longer, if that makes sense.

ZeldaFan

Hi Mikie! Sorry to hear work is difficult right now but I'm pumped to hear you are sticking to your sobriety! It does get better with time so hang in there. You have all of us for now.

gramphil

Mikie, I think there are secular organizations for sobriety that are based on the group-based, self-help principles of AA without the religious aspects. I remember looking into them myself a few years ago. Actually, I consider SR a great mixture of the AA and secular approaches. Another thing I appreciate about SR is how many more members are available at any given time of the day or night than one particular AA group. So it might not be a bad thing to hang out here as long and as often as you need to. Best of luck to you!

Mikie9

SR is great, but living on the computer is what I did drinking. Nothing has changed in that regard I ma still logging into a computer to have sober friends.

Gah, i will work it out, just one of those days

bigsombrero

I am the same way, since I was young I've known it's all just a fairy tale. And I used that excuse with AA too, especially because I really didn't want to go. And you won't want to go either - who are we kidding? But we deal with religion every day in our lives here in the USA, it's on the $100 bill, would you refuse one of those because of your principles? LOL.

In the end, AA simply proved to be a stepping stone - nothing more, nothing less. There were extra meetings, get-togethers, picnics, the whole "now you're one of us" thing, etc - I didn't do any of that stuff. I just went to a few meetings, listened, learned a few things and moved on.

Don't think of it as a huge commitment, but rather just "something to do" that will get your feet under you. Some people will tell you that you NEED to do it, and you NEED to do the steps, and you NEED to get a sponsor. None of that is true in my experience. I would say that it's worth just going to see a few folks talk. Don't overthink it. You don't have to go tomorrow or this weekend. Maybe sometime down the road.

It's like giving yourself a present, saying "I'm worth giving this a try", which might in itself be the true reason it worked for me. You are not going to be another statistic, and you'll be damned if you don't give yourself every chance in the world to make it.

sobersis

I am a recovering meth iv user 110 days sober today. I had a hard time w the god thing in aa na bt I choose this time around to just let that go and give it a shot. I also tried sober recovery but in the small town I am in their are no SR meetings, have you thought about therapy psychiatry ? You may want to try an antidepressant for a bit or maybe something else to help you through. If I didn't have my meds .. I'm bipolar also , I'd be a mess. Wishing u the best.

Please excuse my grammar not my strong suit obviously.

Mikie9

I will go to one sombrero, looking it up now. I can't say I will walk in without prejudice but I can't know until I see. Thanks for your encouraging words and for carrying me tonight.

Mikie9

holy moly... which one do I pick? I want one for tomorrow, i get off work at 4:30 and am back in chattanooga around 5

Chattanooga AA Central Office

Received

Hey there and welcome to SR. This is such a great place.

I can say with certainty, none of us showed up here because we were having fantastic lives and it seems a lot of members also deal with mental health issues.

Feel free to read around and even start your own thread (if you'd like) so we can give you a proper hello.

Again, glad you found us.

Suekie

I feel you. I don't really want to be around anybody right now. Tomorrow is a new day and the treadmill sounds like a perfect escape and opportunity to release some endorphins. I really need to take your lead on that one!