I Feel like im dying inside
 

I really do get depressed coming on here with bad news everytime. This time it will be different.. this time i can change blah blah blah, I wish i could come on here saying how well i have done. Life is flying by and im hating myself more and more. My mums had a stroke, my dad hates me , i never talk to my sister, my best friend has hardly spoke to me,, even after years of saying i was his best friend he chose someone else for best man, I WAS HEARTBROKEN, maybe im being too sensitive i dont know. Even my other friend is an alcoholic so i cant talk to him. Got nobody else to talk to if im honest , next step is this forum. As much as i love the fact that people take the time to give me advice on this forum, it dosnt substitute for day to day social contact. I feel so sshit, I havnt had a girlfriend for 4 years i just dont know what to do?? Even my best friend who was in the army has moved on , Its like im still stuck in 20009, thinking about my ex and the life i use to have. ive been depressed for about 2 years but dont have it in me to kill myself. Ive wanted to kill myself twice before but i just couldnt go through with it, i bought the pills and vodka but took few and then bottled it. . I HATE ALCOHOL I HATE HOW PEOPLE CANT BE MY FRIEND TO THE END ,I HATE HOW LIFE SNEAKS UP ON ME, I HATE HOW I DONT HAVE A TRUE FRIEND . Anyway if you did read this thank you, I just felt like garbage so i thought id post this. One love \xx

I get the impression you are quite young, Don't give up, please. I was in worse shape than you in my twenties and thirties but it all came good in the end because I didn;t give up. I got people back on side, plus forged new relationships when I got better. And it all worked out XXX

My suggestion is to look around your community and do some volunteer work. Get outside of yourself and do something to help others. You will meet new people and begin to feel good about yourself.

You seem to have a lot of stress and emotional baggage there Brad.

There are numbers you can call:

CALM, the campaign against living miserably
Helpline – Nationwide
Call 0800 58 58 58

Our national helpline is open 7 days a week, 5pm to midnight. Callers can talk through any issue, we’ll listen and offer information and signposting. Calls are anonymous & confidential and won’t show up on your phone bill. Calls are free from landlines, payphones and O2, Orange, Virgin & Vodafone mobile networks. Other mobile networks and supermarket brand sims may charge.


Papyrus:
Call HOPELineUK 0800 068 41 41
Mon-Fri 10:00 am to 5:00 pm and 7:00 pm to 10:00 pm.
Weekends 2:00 pm to 5:00 pm.

or email: [email protected] *

or text: 07786 209697* *You do not have to give your name or whereabouts.

Samaritans 08457 90 90 90 * (UK) 24hours

maybe a meeting based recovery group like AA, SMART Recovery or LifeRinbg could help too? You'd have real people to connect with?

D

Getting sober is hard - I too lost most (if not all) my friends, my marriage, my house, and filed for bankruptcy. I still have my job (but almost lost that). Some days I figure "Why bother???" My sponsor says this is totally normal in early sobriety- that some days we feel like it's pretty bad, but all of those things you mentioned (and I mentioned) would still happen whether or not we drink. Drinking just makes all those things WORSE and usually causes MORE drama/pain. It's ok to feel alone, but long-term depression might require medical intervention. If you had diabetes wouldn't you take insulin? Depression (clinical depression) requires medication. I was resistant to take antidepressants at first, but it has helped me tremendously. Hang in there. :ring

Bradley wow. Well hate is a strong word. I feel your depression. You said you are reading the Bible. Good for you. There are answers in there for you. Your post breaks my heart. Wish I could give you a giant hug. Guess a cyber hug will have to do {hugs}. Prayers to you.

I agree with Anna. Get outside of yourself and give back to your community. Volunteering is a great way to help yourself as you are helping others. And you can make new friends too. :)

Hang in there Bradders. We are your friends and the support here is invaluble. Don't drink and u will gradually start feeling better. I will add u in my prayers friend.

Like a few people have said, volunteering is a great way to get outside of yourself for a bit and meet some new people too.

AA is another way to meet awesome, sober people who have felt the way you do. Whatever your notions on the program might be, there are plenty of sober and welcoming people in the rooms who would love to talk and hang out with you.

Hating sobriety is merely your addiction trying to win you back. It is hard...and takes time to be sober. It is a better life though, and worth the struggle. Consider the alternative