hokey

First off to SR, I never would have made it this long without checking in daily, venting a bit, reading a LOT and knowing that I am not fighting this fight alone
The weekend had it's share of challenges, AV rising up now and then, but I made it through. I was a daily drinker, but for sure the weekends were the worst. Lots of triggers and bad associations, but I managed to grind through it by taking it one day (and sometimes one hour or one minute) at a time. BF has gone back out to camp so I will spend the rest of the week alone, which (surprisingly) is easier than when he's at home. He doesn't have a problem with drinking and has sworn off the booze to support me (which I appreciate immensely) but he doesn't really understand what I'm going through. I cannot expect him to, and I told him that, but he needs to respect my decisions with regards to my sobriety. I am fortunate to have his support and I love him even more for it, even though he really doesn't get it LOL He is trying so hard
Onward and upward ... I feel better than I have in years. I eat better, sleep better, think better, function better and live better already. My brain slips back into the "maybe I can have just one" mode now and then, but I'm trying really hard to flip that switch off when it happens ... because I KNOW I can't. I will not go back there, I don't want that kind of life anymore, I want to be a better person ... for me, for my boys, for my BF ... but mostly for me. In an earlier post I said that I didn't know what the difference was this time, but I think I'm starting to understand that the difference is that I'm doing it for ME this time. Selfish? Maybe ... but I can't do it for anyone else. I've tried that and failed miserably.
Congrats to everyone who is staying sober!
To anyone who may have a slip ... keep coming back. As I've read many times on this forum ... we are in this together.
Thanks for reading

PurpleKnight

Great stuff on Day 10!!

hayley86

Congrats on day 10! That's great.

anchorbird

That is AWESOME!!! From what I read it sounds like you are developing a great foundation. Oh, and from experience, DO NOT listen to your AV voice saying you can handle drinking now. I slipped at almost 5 weeks sober because I thought I could just have a few drinks and be done. NO WAY WAS I RIGHT!!!

You are doing a great thing for yourself and for everyone is your life!

hokey

I am not "moderate" about any aspect of life and particularly when it comes to my drinking ... it's hair straight back, how drunk can I get? I know that one would lead to two, would lead to 12 ... and I'd be right back to square one.
I used to blame my drinking on experiences from my past and on other people (yep ... I sure did ... couldn't be MY fault!) I now know that the reason (at this stage of my sobriety) doesn't matter. I AM an alcoholic, I CAN'T drink like normal people, I CAN'T moderate ... for now, that knowledge keeps me from picking up that first drink. Eventually I will have to deal with my past, as I know for a fact that there are issues there that I really MUST face ... but for now, I will not drink. A big part of my foundation is SR ... the strength I get from this forum is irreplaceable right now. The words of wisdom from people who have been around a long time and the struggles of people with little time in (like me) ... all of it helps me through this very difficult time and I thank each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart

hokey

Anchor ... 5 weeks is amazing to me ... and YES you can do it again.

22NGONE

Congratulations and keep it up, one day at a time. The one with the most sobriety is the one who gets up earliest in the morning.

malcolmsloan

Congratulations on day 10, Hokey. And thanks for such a positive post, great to read. I'm happy for you. Keep up the good work, and remember that we're always here for you, even if the clouds start to gather a bit, talk to us about, we all understand. But for now, enjoy that number 10. Let's get 11!

bartender129

Awesome Hokey!!!

ScottFromWI

Nice work. The first few weeks are definitely challenging, especially when the acute withdrawal starts wearing off. Keep it up, you are doing great!

hokey

Thanks all! Malcolm, I am quite sure that not all posts will be this positive but knowing you all are there to reach out to is a comfort.

newme2day

Hokey you are my day 10 buddy!! I have the same struggles with the AV! Today mine was telling me . . .you will be fine to have a few drinks at Christmas! Really scary and very powerful . . .in my mind i have made a kind of game of it . . How much willpower do i have . . .can i make it another day?? Of course i can!! Congrats on 10!!

Dee74

congratulations Hokey

D

KateL

hokey

Back at you newme! "my day 10 buddy" ... I LOVE that. I don't want to play games with my AV, that is a scary thought to me yikes! Glad it's working for you though My best way of dealing with AV is to come on here and read, read, read. Don't work today, so normally I would have cracked my first (or maybe second) beer by now (just sipping ya know ... I didn't have a problem after all ... geesh what fabulous logic! LOL) so I've been here a lot today.

Kaneda8888

A solid start, Hokey ! Keep it up, it does get a bit easier as the days go by !

Huglets

Excellent job Hokey!! I think it's so important to anyone very early in recovery to read a positive post. Easy? Nope. Possible? Absolutely!!!

hokey

Definitely not easy ... nothing about this journey has been easy so far (as you all know only too well). I'm trying hard to focus on the positive and not allow the negative thinking to lead me astray. Today is a good day, tomorrow maybe not so much ... don't know. Celebrating the good