New and Scared
 

Hi. I first read posts on this site in March or so if this year. Helped me get through a tough detox period. Thank you! I read it for hours and hours. I was finally getting my life back after a traumatic breakup two years ago and was so happy about it.

Then my college age athlete son (mr hide the emotions) had a complete breakdown in June. I went there to be with him and help him through it and then he came home for awhile. So the past few months have been very tough-me being strong for him but crumbling inside and turning to my old friend more and more. Many other things happened during this period of time that made it all even more difficult. I was stress-drinking like i had after the breakup, as opposed to fun drinking with friends etc. (not that either is good in excess). Anyway, the good news is he is much better!

The bad news is I am not. I have had lots of throwing up over the last month (and usually do not). And little things on arms that look like bruises but they are not. Scared the heck out of me and I reached out to some sources for help. Went to the doctor and had some tests done-not good.

So I'm ready to leave this drinking world and feel better. I just wrote my "whys." I started seriously drinking about 2001. By that I mean, after work or out with friends. Most days. Before then I did not have alcohol in the house ever. And did not ever have a drink in the morning until the breakup two years ago. Vodka.

Scared of what I have done to my body-my spirit seems better though. Sorry this is so long and thnks for reading. I am a sexual abuse survivor so hard for me to deal with shame and hard to trust-this is a leap of faith.
Casey

Casey so glad you came here and happy to hear about your son. You are a strong person, you pulled your son through and survived abuse. If you can do that girlfriend, you can do this. I'm no expert at sobriety but many people are and will give you great advice. Prayers to you. Pulling for you Casey!!!!

Welcome Casey! You are in a safe place - among friends who truly understand :hug:. I'm so happy you found us. This place has meant the world to me.

I'm glad your son is better - and you are about to be. You can regain your sobriety and be free forever. We are with you.

Hi Casey. You've found a wonderful place here at SR.

I'm so glad you reached out.

Have you a plan in place to address not drinking?

Welcome, Casey! You've come to a good place. I think it's the nicest place on the Internet. :)

Thank you so much Raider-I really needed to hear those kind words! Casey

So it's great to hear from you and I'll bet that things aren't too bad for your health if you quit now for good. It depends on the person and the amount of drinking but it's surprising how much recuperative power the body has if the toxins are removed. So it sounds like you're ready to get down to business with a plan or program of recovery. AA is one option but there are others. Depends on what are the opportunities in your area and your personal preferences and needs. Do keep posting here since there are lots of folks with all sorts of information and it's a wonderful support to have. If you're over the detox you're over the very unpleasant part but if you're in early recovery you're still at great risk. It's really important to avoid alcohol related events, so prevalent during the holidays. Counseling and alcohol free groups can be a big help. There's a part of your body which wants the alcohol back big time and it tends to trick your brain into having "just one". For most folks that's the gateway to disaster. Back to the detox, DUI, etc. etc. Be careful. And good luck!

W.

Thank you Hevyn-so glad I found the courage to do it.

Welcome back Casey2013 :)

I had to let go of the idea I was helping myself, or coping with anything by drinking.
I wasn't being strong for myself or for anyone else - I was just running away, really.

I think you'll find more strength in recovery :)

D

Thanks-I'm working on that-do not think can just stop cold turkey but have been successful before tapering down-so will do that and go back to doctor this week and to a therapist that has been recommended to me.

Thanks Dee! So nice to be among people who understand. I went to a couple of physicians even the past two years to get help and felt so judged. I struggle with if its a disease why the judgment...really appreciate everyone chiming in with words of encouragement.

I'm also glad you are here, Casey. This really is, as Kadidee said, the nicest place on the internet. You can do this.

Casey, you have come to the right place for support and understanding! I'm glad you came and glad you posted ... welcome!

Hiya Casey :-)

Stay near us xx keep posting , so many lovely people in here . We are just like you .
Fighting the same battle .


I don't know why some doctors are so judgemental , but they are.

I think they really just don't get it.

You need to shop around , just like you would a good butcher or hairdresser.

You will know when you have found the right one .

They are out there , you just have to find them and it takes patience.

Good luck ;-) so glad you are here xx

Thanks SnoozyQ. Yeah, I felt so relieved to be reaching out to a doctor and was shocked by the treatment. I do agree with you on the shopping around. I did find a good one and she is moving out of the country! I'll keep looking though. And I think you are right on "they just don't get it."

When I "confessed" that alcohol had become a problem, my Dad said "can't you just stop?" He has been smoking since 1959. My Mom too, and died of lung cancer in 1996. I need help with the judgment factor.

The very first doctor i confided in said exactly the same thing to me when I told her i think i have a drinking problem. She looked at me incredulously , raised her hands and simply said " well why don't you just stop then " !
I was embarrassed , i felt like such a fool and disgusted with myself cos i had no self control to simply just give up .
Meanwhile , roll the tape fast forward, it was 10 years before I saw another . I was too ashamed.

But my point is look at all the damage i had done to myself in those 10 years due to some stupid woman's disgraceful bedside manner and incompetence.

I feel angry even thinking of her .

Perhaps with a better doctor i could have been saved earlier ..and then again perhaps not..i just don't know.

And in regards to your Dad . He meant well I'm sure . Sometimes we as parents are great at giving out advice albeit hypocrital at times .

Sometimes it just hard for us to practise what we preach lol .

Take care Casey xxx

Good luck .

Welcome Casey,
This is a great place for information and support, has helped to keep me sober for over 2 years. I have never known such freedom since getting sober and have never been so fit.

I am 60 this month and health is something I treasure.

All the best
CaiHong