Whiterhino24

I am a lair I am manipulative I am an alcoholic. I went to treatment for my disease and it felt incredible to do it but when I came out the world seemed to be against me but I was against the world. I worked I went to meetings I got a sponsor and still everything I did was wrong. i tried to work on things with my wife but got no where. I forced things I told people things to get what I wanted and I was just plain a bad guy. I learned in treatment that I learned at an early age to use a chemical to deal with the bad time and never learned how to do it with out. I am trying to learn that now.

KateL

Well done. You are going in the right direction

CharlieNoogan

Recovery is as much about learning about yourself and finding new ways to deal with what life throws at you as it is about not drinking, perhaps even more so.

Since you are working an AA program, I would suggest speaking with your sponsor and/or treatment counselor about these issues and asking for his perspective. Also, consider delving deeply into the 10th Step. I find that if I keep it front of mind, I take an extra second to think through my responses to emotional stimuli in a way that most benefits everyone involved. When I screw up, I do my best to immediately acknowledge what I did wrong and resolve it. As an alcoholic, I became accustomed to instant gratification yet now I am realizing that those things worth achieving take time and effort.

It sounds like you are taking on a lot of issues at once and are getting frustrated with the lack of progress. I found it best to set small, yet SMART (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-bound) goals for myself in early recovery. You cannot advance from working in the mail room directly to the CEO's office in a month. There are many small goals that need to be achieved first, even on a daily basis. The Serenity Prayer helps me come to terms with the fact that I do not have control over everything and everybody.

You can and will figure things out as time goes on and you will emerge a much better person because of what you have gone through. Keep up the good work!

CactusJill

Many alcoholics and addicts expect things to get better instantly, and that is rarely what happens. My husband was a cocaine addict for years, and when he finally quit, his attitude was, "Well, I quit! Everything is fixed now, right??" Nope. He, like most of us, left behind a trail of broken promises, bad memories and hurtful incidents and it took years for his family to forgive. Some of our good friends from before his addiction even still refuse to talk to him despite his six years clean.

Progress is slow, and you can't always fix the damage with others. All you can do is work on your sobriety and hope that, in time, everyone else will see the change in you.

Whiterhino24

I like this

least

You have a chance to turn all that around and go in a better direction now.