in a better space
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: against the grain
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in a better space
So at this stage, as you know if you read my thread from yesterday, I'm in major reflection mode. I'm in a more forgiving state this morning, for sure. Not as angry or emotional about my past transgressions (and downright embarrasments). As I cleaned the kitchen this morning, a line from a song I was listening to jumped out at me: "never really realizing we are on a runaway machine." That hit home for me. Addiction: the runaway machine. Getting off the machine was a challenge, and now the challenge is staying off, not getting on and starting that f!@*er again.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic
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Well said!
Glad you are feeling better today. I haven't felt my best during the past few days, either--no energy, a bit blue, lots of regrets. I'm in a better space this morning, as well.
Hope your Sunday is filled with contentment!
Glad you are feeling better today. I haven't felt my best during the past few days, either--no energy, a bit blue, lots of regrets. I'm in a better space this morning, as well.
Hope your Sunday is filled with contentment!
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Chattanooga TN
Posts: 596
Good to hear man. I was actually logging in just now to send you a message and see how you are doing this morning. Glad to hear you are in a better place.
It is like a runaway machine, because once you get on it you have no real control of where it is going or where it ends up. Pretty good assumption it will be in a pile of wreckage tho lol.
I hope you have a good day. I am about to wander around downtown for a little while, feeling out of place and self conscious. But at least I can do that now that I am off that machine!
It is like a runaway machine, because once you get on it you have no real control of where it is going or where it ends up. Pretty good assumption it will be in a pile of wreckage tho lol.
I hope you have a good day. I am about to wander around downtown for a little while, feeling out of place and self conscious. But at least I can do that now that I am off that machine!
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: BC
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I'm happy to hear that your in in a better place today 
I haven't really focused too much on the past yet, I try really hard to flip that switch off when those thoughts start to come and so far have been successful. My problem this morning is irritability. I am supposed to go over to the neighbors' place for brunch ( something my bf set up yesterday while I was at work. The problem is, sunday brunch usually involves champagne and oj. I tried explaining triggers and associations to bf yesterday morning and apparently he really has no clue (he doesn't have a problem with drinking) what I was talking about. His answer to this was oh it's ok I told them we quit drinking. Which should have made me happy, right? Nope ... pissed me off more LOL. I feel that it's MY place to tell people about my sobriety ... WHO I want and WHEN I want to tell them. So I'm sitting here in a pissy mood dreading this brunch date.
I haven't really focused too much on the past yet, I try really hard to flip that switch off when those thoughts start to come and so far have been successful. My problem this morning is irritability. I am supposed to go over to the neighbors' place for brunch ( something my bf set up yesterday while I was at work. The problem is, sunday brunch usually involves champagne and oj. I tried explaining triggers and associations to bf yesterday morning and apparently he really has no clue (he doesn't have a problem with drinking) what I was talking about. His answer to this was oh it's ok I told them we quit drinking. Which should have made me happy, right? Nope ... pissed me off more LOL. I feel that it's MY place to tell people about my sobriety ... WHO I want and WHEN I want to tell them. So I'm sitting here in a pissy mood dreading this brunch date.
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With each sober morning is a better place, I always remind myself things could feel different in the morning, so going to sleep and seeing what happens without turning to a drink is a great way forward!!
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Thanks, Mikie. I hope you enjoy your day as well. Focus on the positive.
Hokey, I totally relate. We live in a pretty close neighborhood. Lots of kids and parents. However, the routine is often for the kids to come out and play and the parents stand around with drinks, wine, beer, coctails. One neighbor is even know for his "bar," from which he emerges with any drink he wants. And sunday's are always prime time for this behavior. When offered a drink, the response is always, "oh, come on, just one," which always leads to, "oh, come on, one more.. ." It's a bit different from your situtation, but I think our feelings/associations are similar. It make it harder, there is a bit of social obligation to hang out in the street and drink: "what's wrong with them [our family]? why are they so anti-social?" It makes me "pissy" as well. For now, let's just focus on ourselves, not what others are doing. Hard, man, I know it, I do. Let' see. . .how about planning something after, like a jog, walk around the block, a "treat" like going to get a book you have wanted. . .something that you would not have been able to do if you had hit the booze at the brunch? I know you did not ask for suggestions, but I thought I'd throw something out there. Hang in there. I'm pulling for you.
Hokey, I totally relate. We live in a pretty close neighborhood. Lots of kids and parents. However, the routine is often for the kids to come out and play and the parents stand around with drinks, wine, beer, coctails. One neighbor is even know for his "bar," from which he emerges with any drink he wants. And sunday's are always prime time for this behavior. When offered a drink, the response is always, "oh, come on, just one," which always leads to, "oh, come on, one more.. ." It's a bit different from your situtation, but I think our feelings/associations are similar. It make it harder, there is a bit of social obligation to hang out in the street and drink: "what's wrong with them [our family]? why are they so anti-social?" It makes me "pissy" as well. For now, let's just focus on ourselves, not what others are doing. Hard, man, I know it, I do. Let' see. . .how about planning something after, like a jog, walk around the block, a "treat" like going to get a book you have wanted. . .something that you would not have been able to do if you had hit the booze at the brunch? I know you did not ask for suggestions, but I thought I'd throw something out there. Hang in there. I'm pulling for you.
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Join Date: Nov 2013
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thanks Malcolm, your suggestions are always welcome I'll probably feel a lot better as soon as I get there. I'm just really trying to reduce the anxiety in my life and this isn't helping LOL. I'm resentful although I shouldn't be. BF is trying to be supportive and doing what he thinks is right, but he just doesn't understand. Sunday mimosas for breakfast lead to Sunday beers in the afternoon after I get home, lead to wine with Sunday dinner, lead to hazy drunk passed-out Sunday evenings ... blah blah blah you know what I'm talking about. I should drive into town after and do some shopping, but that's where the beer is! I'll probably just come back on here and work through my s@*% when I get home. Thanks again ... we can do this ... together 
. I'm going to pretend that you're standing behind my chair, cheering me on ... is that ok?
I'll probably feel a lot better as soon as I get there. I'm just really trying to reduce the anxiety in my life and this isn't helping LOL. I'm resentful although I shouldn't be. BF is trying to be supportive and doing what he thinks is right, but he just doesn't understand. Sunday mimosas for breakfast lead to Sunday beers in the afternoon after I get home, lead to wine with Sunday dinner, lead to hazy drunk passed-out Sunday evenings ... blah blah blah you know what I'm talking about. I should drive into town after and do some shopping, but that's where the beer is! I'll probably just come back on here and work through my s@*% when I get home. Thanks again ... we can do this ... together . I'm going to pretend that you're standing behind my chair, cheering me on ... is that ok?
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Join Date: Nov 2013
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So all went well .... not nearly as bad as I was imagining in my obsessive, alcoholic mind. Filled the rest of the day doing chores around the farm, hanging out with my horses. I appreciate the support and, Dee ... I love that quote!
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Yeah, Hokey, I'm okay. I'm always a bit low in the evenings these days, and Sunday night takes work. That pesky AV is like a mesquito buzzing around my ear. I went for a short run this evening and as corny as it sounds I actually chanted to myself (at least I hope it was to myself), "sobriety is my reward" for most of the run. Thanks for checking in. I hope you have a good week. Stay strong. Post as much as needed. We're all in this together.
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