Alysheba

Help! How do you get back on after messing up? Will everyone hate me?

ReadyAtLast

Course no one will hate you,we are here for support.
Welcome back. how are you feeling?

SnoozyQ

Of course not sweetheart xx

Alysheba

Feeling weird. I don't know how to feel. I've been faking it almost my whole life, so what does it feel like to be, or try to be, normal? It's tough. I know how to make it seem right, I don't know how to make it for real or what that even means.

Thank you.

SnoozyQ

What exactly has happened Aly x talk it through so we can help you xx

Raider

What have you been faking all your life?

Alysheba

After 4 months sober, and struggling, I messed up over the Thanksgiving Day holiday. I didn't get passed out but I drank a couple of glasses of wine and I feel like crap about it. I don't want to go back to day 1, but probably will have to. My gosh, my life has sucked so much lately. I'm trying to hold it together, praying, going to mass and prayer meetings, but it sure seems like no matter what I do, it's another hurdle. Thanks to you all for being there. I'm blessed with that support, God knows, my family won't offer support or much of anything else.

LadyinBC

No one will hate you. You simply just keep posting and reaching out for help and support. We are here if you need us. We don't turn our backs on our own.

deeker

u ok Alysheba? I had many day one's. Just don't stay out there.

Alysheba

Thanks deek. Thanks so much.

Jeni26

Alysheba-there aren't many here who haven't slipped in early sobriety. Honestly, many many people don't get this the first time of trying. It's hard. Especially over a holiday period...

You have lots of support here..no judgements.

Time to stop beating yourself up and look to the here and now. You obviously want sobriety very much and that I think is the biggest single factor in succeeding in this.

You can do this and we will support you all the way xx

PurpleKnight

Don't worry about it, it'll take a few Day 1's to get it right!!

Dee74

I think most of us have either been in your position or understand, Alysheba.

My advice is to look at what happened, try and get to the bottom of why you drank, try to figure how you can do better next time...then move on.

It's a new day. Get back on the right road with us

D

Alysheba

Thanks D and everyone. I'm looking forward to a sober tomorrow already, after crying my eyes out for hours. Thank you so much and for all the support. God love ya.

GreekGuy

Can you try and laugh about it? I mean, I've put in my mind that our human stupidity is funny. Unless you have hurt someone that you need to apologize to, just realize life has its oddities. Even non-drinkers mess things up, this is just another way to do it. LOL... I'm not trying to downplay it because it can be dangerous, but we have to put the silliness in life and humanity of how silly we can be...! We wouldn't know joy if we haven't experienced pain somewhere along the way...!

Alysheba

Greek Guy, awesome way to look at it! I'm so tired of being upset and in despair. Not downplaying either, just a great way to view the world. Thanks. I think I will make it and I am glad I reached out. Love ya, xxoo

mecanix

We got a big long sober journey ahead of us .. we only get there one day at a time , no one gets left behind .
Today is a new day, if we got it wrong we get to try and get it right this time .

Bestwishes, m

deeker

Hi Alysheba! I am glad you were honest about it! It shows you have integrity! You didn't have to tell us but you did. I would try to think when the slip happened. Usually it actually happens before we pick up that drink and or drug.

Something happens in our thinking, usually a day before or so. That is when we have to nip it. For example say I was romancing that drink the day before Thanksgiving. Playing with that thought in my head.

Picturing it as being innocent. Imagining the ambience as being lovely, it's a Holiday, Good Food, Good company, STOP!!!!

That is where the relapse or slip started. Right when we start thinking anything about a drink and it being a possibility is when we need to stop that thought and tell someone quick. Those are little secrets that we think are harmless but they are not.

That is when I need to call another alkie in recovery or start a thread in SR.

I had 10 mo clean and sober and I was reaching out to someone who was addicted to a particular drug I had never tried. An over the counter med.

Of course I got curious hmmm I never tried that, I wonder what the high is?

I should have stopped my thinking right there and told someone that my curiosity was peaked, but NO I didn't, instead I googled the high and now these thoughts are swirling around in my head about How I would feel.

Well at the time I thought it was harmless. I was just curious. But only a few days later I was upset about something and the first thing I did was go to the drugstore and buy this med.

I knew I was giving up 10 months of sobriety and I knew I would be sorry, but I did it anyway.

I did it that 1 time, it lasted about 6 hours. I got back to a meeting the very next day. It was super hard to give up that original clean date. But if I kept it I would be lying. And That would bother my concsious more than the actual relapse.

I bit the bullet, picked up a white chip and kept moving forward.

Doesn't mean that 10 mo wasn't great! I had very good days. I learned a lot. But I learned even more after this had happened. That the relapse happened before I ever picked up the drug.

Now whenever I think at all about a drink or drug, I have to tell someone. if I don't those thoughts will grow in strength and I won't even know it.

So anyways! I just woke up from a dream of doing Cocaine lol Glad it wasn't real. I haven't done cocaine since 1989. Weird huh? And I am telling you all about it so the thought does not grow stronger!!

Fandy

Aly, fall down 7, get up 8.

don't cry about it, look forward, move forward, think about how good it feels to be sober....over the course of time, I lost count of the day 1's, but I never give up, it's not the option that works. You're smart and you know this.

Alysheba

Deeker, that is exactly what happened. Thinking about it a day or so before, thinking it's harmless and all the normies who are fine with it. It's weird how the thinking can really trick us if we don't stop it. Something to look for when the thoughts start to get abnormal. Well, live and learn hey. Thanks all.