Round 3
 

Hello Again Everyone,


I am back again. I did not stay around long enough either time to really get to know anyone here but I hope that will change. I have a drinking problem that never really improved since my brief visitation at this website and detox previously. Well, lets see what the wonders of alcohol have gifted me with recently:

1., My first DUI last year, two months after I finally got a decent job after my layoff.

2., Breaking my apartment lease after 3 years of paying on time every month on time due to the fact I now have insufficient funds to continue to rent there. (My living situation now is a mess)

3., Loss of all my close friends (many of which had problem with addition to alcohol as well) and pretty much being a loner because I am embarrassed about my situation.

4., The recent loneliness of knowing that even when a woman shows me attraction I have to gently turn her down. This is not because I do not not find her attractive or interesting it is because my life is in such shambles at this moment and I drink every day. No woman would/should put up with that and I will either be turned down once she finds out or I will have to lie constantly like a sociopath.

5., Not finishing my degree even though I was getting a very good GPA even as a drunk. I would frequently type up term papers while drinking and some how get a near perfect score. However, I over did it with the classes (or at least for a drinker like me) procrastinated and did not pull out the classes quick enough which hurt my GPA and put me on academic probation. I have not returned since. (My DUI also messed up my concentration and hurt the chances of me getting in the medical program I was studying towards.


6., Countless embarrassing and shoot my self in the foot decisions.



It is like I am on the outside looking in. It's like no matter how low things sink for me I cannot give up this pointless, harmful habit. I don't go to bars or clubs. I don't drink in the morning or afternoon. After my DUI, I do not drink and drive period.

I just buy my stuff from the package store and about 9pm I start drinking until I get tired enough or pass out. Everyday, like clockwork it is the same thing over and over. My health is starting to really decline, my personal life is now almost non existent, it has put strains on my family and none of my goals or dreams will ever manifest if I can't win this battle.I will be dust in the wind, my health will fade and so will I.

I am now riddled with social anxiety, low self confidence and have withdrew myself completely from society.I was the exact opposite 5 years ago, I had a wonderful and beautiful girlfriend, a large network of friends, a decent job which I was given several promotions and most importantly confidence in myself. I used to make everyone laugh and smile. I want to do what my father did at my age which was to get completely sober, start his own family, own a home and live productively. He is now in recovery due a long winded relapse and urging me to do the same. It is long overdue.


I have called and given my insurance information to a treatment center and I am going to take time from work next week for an evaluation and treatment program. I plan to try outpatient detox, attend AA meetings (something I did not do last time after the inpatient detox) and I also wanted to look into "campral" (sp?) which has really helped my father during his recovery.


Anyone who took the time to read my giant, unstructured, wall-o-text..thank you. I look forward to getting sober and interacting with you all on my road to recovery.

Talk to you all soon.

Welcome back newlife25! It is never too late to start over. I've had many "do overs" myself. I visit this forum every day and pledge my sobriety, 24 hours at a time. I'm glad you're seeking help. We are here for you (and your father too)!

Welcome back NewLife :)

D

Glad you're back. As long as you're still breathing it's not too late to start over. :)

Welcome! As said it's never too late to start over. The scary thing about alcoholism is it can always take you to new lows. Unfortunately many people here can attest to that including myself. It's good to hear you have re-committed. This site and AA are great resources for recovery.

Hi Newlife, i'm in ct too. Seeking help this past time for me signaled a real shift. The word surrender gets used a lot here, and I think that I felt a lot like you just described in your post. I was so sick of fighting it, and I just felt like handing the reins over to someone else and letting them tell me what to do....

The amazing thing is, it really does not take so very long to start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I was too scared of living the rest of my life almost exactly like you just described, where everything was predicated on that drink at the end of the day.

And now when I think about it, I would spend 12 or 14 hours miserable and hungover, slogging through the day, watching all different parts of my life unravel, for that first drink. And all I really wanted to do was slip back into oblivion...for what? To wake up and do it all over again.

I wasn't sure what sobriety would bring but I was hard pressed to believe that it could be as horrible as the way I was living. And I hadn't lost everything, but I was dying on the inside.

When I had started to set the wheels in motion and include others in my choices a little spark of hope was ignited in me, it woke up the old me that I had been drowning for so long. It sounds like you are on the right road.

7 months sober; 2/24/14 is my sobriety starting point. I have accomplished so much in this short time and it is simply amazing. Just wanted to let people realize that the absolute helplessness and hopeless in my post was a temporary mind-state of someone who as flawed as I am can change and improve (for all the lurkers).

To: jaynie04;Brian316;least;LindaLou;Dee74 thank you for your replies. I cannot thank you enough. You never know what one reply, one comment, one conversation can do to aid someone who needs support. And all of you care; took the time to respond and spread hope. Which, without any personal gain is a honorable deed in itself. I am really grateful for the support.

I hope to make an impact myself, the best I can strive for is to give better advice than I follow myself. Why would I say such a thing? I now appreciate company with people I admire as it gives me something to strive for...a personal test. And I am glad to be in good company here around people who don't give up on another person. Because I have changed and I will continue to evolve in every avenue in life. I make it a personal argument when people say that others cannot change. I have personally witnessed countless others who have as well. The greatest hoax upon us humans is notion of power. Alcohol is an escape and while powerlessness over alcohol is true: to a person like me it is sort of like the social constructs we live within.

It is an illusion; a mere diversion from true attainment, happiness and freedom. A bottle won't save you, a bank account will not save you, social status will not either. Being at peace with yourself and trying to be an honorable, decent, moral person is the truest form of human evolution.

Congratulations on 7 months newlife - that's awesome stuff :c014:

D

Great news newlife. Hope you can stick around and share with others..

Welcome back!! :)

uhm.... it seems like if your sobriety date is Feb 24th then you have 5 months.... not seven?

In any case, I am very glad for you and want to encourage you to keep honoring the choice of sobriety!

Life is SO much better, isn't it!?!?

:)