Hey SR, missed you bunches!!!
 

I haven't posted much lately. Didn't really want to talk about it. But I didn't want you to think I went away. I still read SR everyday. I have relapsed four times since rehab. Strung five weeks together, drank, strung 9 days, and drank. The last time was last night and I was in a total blackout drunk. Please don't bother asking me what my plan is to stay sober. I don't have one and am not sure right now that I want sobriety. And you guys know that you can't wish sobriety on me😁. Even though I know some of you might want to 😳 So I will be her reading your posts. Love you all bunches. :tyou

It's your choice what to do Raider....but that post makes me sad.

Sad because I don't read a lot of the Raider I know in there....

I hope you do decide to do something, because it never gets better just worse.

D

Well, wanting it is the most important thing. If you're not sure you do, then that's pretty much that until you DO want it. I'm glad to know that you plan to stick around and read. I know many people who read for a long time before they finally decided they were ready to quit for good. When you are ready, you know we'll be here to support you, right? (((HUGS)))

Raider,

I know how you feel, and I hope you do stay around and something will click for you.

Wishing you well,

June

Hi Raider;

I've been thinking about you and missing you on the Tobers thread.

I believe you will get there. Please don't ever give up.

That is sad. :cries3:

Black-outs always terrified me. Not knowing what you did or said is the scariest feeling in the world. It's when I felt my most desperate.

I hope you never give up trying to get sober!

Hi Raider. :hug: I'm glad you told us what's been going on. Suki is so right - you have to be ready. I'm living proof of that - I was still drinking when I joined SR. At that point I couldn't imagine letting go of it completely - but finally I was fed up with myself & the dangerous behavior that always accompanied my binges.

I'm happy you still want to be here. We love you too. :)

I see the honest part of Raider in there. I know how hard this post was for you. Please do stick around, perhaps the clarity will come. I would bestow it upon you if I could.

Hi Raider, I'm new to SR, but I do know that sobriety is a decision that we must all make for ourselves--no one can make us do it. You have offered me some kind words over the past week, words I appreciate very much, and I truly hope that you find peace and happiness. For me, alcohol has not lead me to peace and it has not make me happy: something to consider. I wish you the best my friend.

I know will sound strange but......I have found a great AA group here. I've been to six or so meetings, met the regulars and just love them. I had planned on going today (before last night happened). I still was going to go today, I was in the car, went to get a coffee, drive around debating about it. I thought I'll just go tomorrow. Then It occurred to me that if I didn't go today, I would never go back and, again, I love those people. So I went to the meeting. When they called on me, I just fell to pieces crying and told them about last night. They could not have been more supportive. Lots of hugs and love in that room today. I will be going back to those meetings. As you guys said, maybe something will click. Thanks for the kind words.

That's great that you went to the meeting Raider! Sounds like a great group. Stay strong!

I find it really hard to respond to posts like this Raider, which is why I usually don't. I this case I think its because we all have such a large investment of time/awareness of your struggles and recent successes that i felt a need to respond. You know we will always be here if you need us ( and frankly I think you do more than ever ), but as you say we cannot help you if you won't listen. I really don't have much else to say other than good luck, because you are going to need it.

I like you Raider. You are brutally honest. That says a lot about you. You have the heart of a Lion. Don't forget that. We are all in a similar boat here, don't give up. You put one knee down, then get back up. It's how you get up that counts, not how you fall.

Blessings your way

ScottfromWW1, I would have been heartbroken if you didn't respond. Loves....and thanks.

You're wrong.
I can wish sobriety on you, and that is what I am doing right now.
With every fiber of my being, with all positive intention, right now I am wishing sobriety for you Raider.

Wow, that's a really honest post Pam and it must have been so hard to write. You know what you have here. This isn't easy. No one has the right to judge anyone, all that we can do is hope that there's going to be something that kicks in for you that helps you to get to that place where you can be successful.

I have a question regarding this part of your post:

That's a tough couple of sentences to read. I think I get what you're saying though. Do you mean that due to the fact that even after drinking yourself into a blackout that you don't have a plan which must mean that you can only interpret that as not wanting sobriety?

Sending a whole lot of love your way my friend! Please don't give up, we're here for you!

I read SR daily too and am very familiar with your posts. I was 29 years old walked out of rehab and drank within the first week. But I will never forget those 30 days. The people I met the there, the way I felt, the hope I had. I did get sober not to long (is a year or so too long) after that. Stayed sober for quite some time. Those sober years were the best days of my life. I hope you to can have the experience of sobriety Raider. I am now 55 the years have somehow flown by way to fast. I to am struggling with alcoholism again as I quit meetings 10 years ago and within a couple years was drinking again. Sorry for my long post but I just am so proud of you for taking that leap of faith and boarding that plane for rehab. I was reading along all the way. Wishing you all the best Raider.

Pam, I'm so glad you posted. Don't give up! Keep reading and posting and going to those meetings. Sending you some cyberhugs.

Hiya Raider - I guess my question would be why did you choose to drink ? Have you been able to identify the triggers that led you down that road ?

I was dangerously close tonight. A dear family member called a meeting to announce he has cancer. Afterwards everyone started to cope via alcohol. How I didn't is still a mystery.

Well, maybe it's not a mystery.

All I did was not pick up. You can NOT pick up too.

Come on girl !!! Pull it together and get back on this train. We need you manning the bus !!

XO AO