Regret, Guilt, Shame
 

Hello All,

I'm on day 15 and just out of a relationship in which alcohol was the biggest problem.

I am wondering how to handle all the feelings of regret, guilt, and shame for who I have become and what I have done to someone I love.

I have heard to let the feelings go and concentrate on the now and sobriety. That sounds great, but I still have these feelings and thoughts consuming me.

Thanks!

They will pass. It does take time though. Keep up the good work

For me I had to accept I can't undo the past - not one second of it. It is what it is.
That can take a while - both the accepting and the forgiving one's self.

The worst thing you can do is sit at home and mope, running movies over and over in your head.

I found service work was a great way for me to get out of the house and doing something meaningful. I needed to get out of my own head.

If volunteering in your community sounds like something you may be interested in I recommend it.

You could always get involved in local sports, the gym, or a hobby or particular interest.

The whole point is - the past is a closed book - but each new day is a fresh page - fill up every new page and before too long - you'll have a brand new book :)

D

Hi FL and congratulations on 15 days sober.
Unfortunately, we cannot do anything to change the past but can pave our way so we don't have actions which caused our regrets in the future.

I had a lot of regrets, it ended up in my husband leaving, he had got to the end of his tether with me. That became my day one, we reconciled but it is going to take time to build up the trust we used to have.

I was helped a lot by posting on SR and reading others experiences here.

Hi FLbeachguy,
Since you are newly sober, you are probably experiencing feeling raw, real emotions that aren't clouded by alcohol. Maybe it's a new feeling, but you will get used to it, and face a lot of things you might have stuffed away.

I did a lot of stupid things in my life that I really regret also. Most of the time, it was a result of drinking, I have come to admit to myself. I've been dealing with these feelings of guilt and shame from time to time, but then I say, what's done is done, now I have to live with the consequences, and make the rest of it the best life I can.

We are only human, after all, and are always learning from our mistakes and hopefully growing into better people. Consider this time as the awareness phase, and take the steps necessary to correct what you can, and make better choices from this point on.

Maybe you can see alcohol in a different light now, to understand that it is not your friend, does not help you cope with life, but actually can destroy that which you hold dear.

Wishing you peace and strength for this weekend,
Take care, you are worth it,
~Heartfan

I was consumed with guilt and shame for a while after getting sober. I felt I'd never be able to forgive myself. But the longer I was sober, the clearer my thinking, and I finally came to accept myself as I was, knowing I was doing the right thing.

It takes time. Be patient. Forgiveness will come. :hug:

Hi FLBeach. I know exactly how you feel. I'm glad you wanted to discuss this - you never have to be alone with these thoughts.

I was the worst for rehashing shameful events. I was very tempted to drink again every time I let my past behavior take over my thoughts. I had to let it go in order to move forward & reach out for the life I had in front of me. In time, the memories will fade - we promise. Wandering morbidly around in the past is a killer - don't do it. :hug:

I try to let the shameful thoughts motivate me. Every time one surfaces, I allow it to strengthen my resolve to never drink again. Then, I try to let it go.