Dee74

Read through the thread and I think you'll see the OP is very aware of that.

D

Weaver

OK. Thanks

bigsombrero

Sounds like you're in a tight spot. As others have mentioned, you seem really focused on the license, the lawyers, the DUI and the court possibilities. This is only natural, I would be also.

But how about trying to shift that focus. What are your options? You're out of a license - start focusing on what you CAN do. Is there a bus service? A shuttle that your kids can take? Are you children in school, is there a school bus? What about a ride-share deal where you could help out a fellow parent with gas payments? Do you know about grocery delivery services? Can you get a bike? Do the kids have them? And most importantly, what can you do to get sober for good?

Like it or not, we must pay the penalties for the crimes we commit. These are realities that you are faced with. Instead of spinning your wheels in frustration over the bad things, and worrying about convincing a courtroom - how about re-directing that energy in a positive direction?

In the meantime get some rest, and stay away from abusing substances. I wish you the best.

Enough100

JTTM,
I have five degrees and a PHd. A few years back I got a DUI and I lost my license for six months. None of us, particularly me, want to be judged on 1, 2 or even 8 episodes in our lives. I'm pulling for you!

JTTM

I'm so glad I found this forum. Thank you...

JTTM

It helped last time to chat... I'm very depressed today and feel like I can't go on. It's crazy, I have a great life, 2 wonderful kids.. I am so paranoid. I went to a funeral yestereday and I felt like everyone was staring at me.. Which is crazy, I know. I hope I'm yesterdays news, yes it's neighbors... I want a drink so badly.. luckily, i have no way to get one No one will buy for me so that's good.

I feel like I can't deal with the stigma of being a alchoholic, I know everyone around me knows. Arghh...

Enough100

I live in a very small town, less than 5000 people. I was at a function yesterday of about 60 people. While there a friend of mine came up to me and asked if I could identify the alcoholics. (We are both in recovery). I said two, you and me! He said that he knew of 12. So you are aware, my friend has a PhD in Mathematics and I have an advanced degree in Biology and a total of 5 degrees including a Juris Doctorate. Ya', I'm a lawyer. I am here to tell you have more friends today than you had a year ago. None of us are proud of what we did, said or allowed ourselves to become, but I for one am better for what I have been through and have done since I got sober. Regardless of what anyone thinks, hold your head up, admit (even if it is only to yourself) what you did and move on!

chaili05

Yup, I agree with Enough100. Also, throughout my life I've noticed that oftentimes I'll think that people are talking about me... but WHY?! Seriously, why do I think I'm so important that someone else is taking about me? That's crazy. It's hard to say what other people are thinking and it's so easy to assume the worst. If some people are talking, oh well- you went yesterday, showed them that you're fine and that's the best you can do. Make them wrong by showing them how well you're doing

keithj

I started to feel better in sobriety when I was sober and was taking the steps necessary to stay that way. I know you may not want to hear it, but abstaining for a month at a time and then drinking is not sobriety. In my experience, trying to not drink and continually failing at that was one of the most miserable times in my life.

This is a real problem. You're obviously on probation for a while, and I'm pretty sure (from personal experience) that drinking is a violation of those terms. It speaks to the lack of control. Even after this life-changing, terrible circumstance and punishment, it's still possible to pick up a drink.

It's natural to try and manage the consequences of my actions, but I found that didn't work very well for me. In fact, once I had crossed that line and started racking up the legal problems and trying to control the outcomes, things continued to get worse for a number of years.

The hopeful note in this is that we can and do recover. When I stopped trying to control those outcomes, stopped trying to do things my way on my terms, and gave in to what had been successful for others, everything in my life changed and I haven't had a drink (nor worried about having a drink) for many years. My path was the 12 Steps of AA as outlined in in the BB. That's a very different deal than just going to meetings.

And I'll tell you, the last DUI I had involved front page news coverage and a clip on the 10 o'clock news of me stumbling around my totaled car in handcuffs. Everybody in town knew what I had done. But today, I still live in that town, and I have the respect and friendship of my coworkers, neighbors, and peers. It took a couple of winters of cold bicycle rides in the snow, and arranging transportation for my young child at the time, but today the law enforcement and counseling professionals turn to me as a resource for help with folks in the same condition I was. Very strange turn of events. Getting from point A to point B simply required an end to my resistance and following some simple directions.

Best of luck to you.

Enough100

Hey JTTM,
I just remembered and forgot to tell you, my friend with the PhD in Mathematics got sober after his 5th DUI. You got nothing on us!.

SoberHappyHour

I have three duis and an IID in my car for the next two years .. what do I make out of that ? Well, im sober and feel good and happy on a daily basis, and I can still drive and I know I'm going to pass the breathalyzer test in my car every single time. I didn't have a license for six months before I got the IID, but everyday of those 6 months I was getting rides to school, work or AA. Yes, it does suck to have to suffer the consequences. I'm on house arrest right now for a while but I still get time everyday to go to school, work or my DUI classes. I don't feel sorry for myself. I continue to progress towards my goals and remaining sober has been the biggest reason i'm able to do that. To me, those DUIs were a message from God and because I didn't die or kill anyone in the process of those lessons, I must be getting another chance, so why should I blow it? What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

JTTM

Thanks... Everyone.. I am trying, I am getting rides to meetings... I think it's the holidays, the feeling sorry that I got the disease.. I'm new to this and well.... I'm a little broken at the moment. People telling me I have no control, is true... I'm trying to get some.

Mountainmanbob

if alcoholic ??

just hang in there and stay sober

all of this will be in the past before we know it

if alcoholic most important

not to repeat our mistakes

those next DUI's are even more painful -- I know

MM

Renarde

Welcome. It is not the end of the world. Hopefully you can take the time this season that you would normally be out and about and stay safe at home and spend time together.

cc64

someone once told me that what other people think of me is none of my business. I'm the neighborhood/town drunk. I found this site three days ago and I thank GOD that all these people are here for POSITIVE support and direction. Don't worry about what you can't do, work on the things you CAN do. Seems like busy bodies are always there to perpetuate the problem, so stay away from them. You will drive again, but that isn't what you should be focusing on. You have to get well, stay well, and move on. I put my big girl panties on and went out to face the people that were involved in my latest bonehead binge drinking spree. I had to, or I would just sit here and wallow in my self pity. You're a lot stronger than you think! You can do this!...

phoebe64

Honestly, wrt what others think? If I know or hear gossip about someone in my town, I typically feel more judgemental of th eone spreading the gossip, and feel compassion for their victim. And, I think more people are similar to me and my mindset, than the the other.

Good people, the ones you want in your life in good and bad situations, can see that someone in a tough spot *has a problem.* Everyone has problems of some sort. Some are out of a job, some have cancer, some struggle with addictions. I think most people have compassion for us, and yes, a few judge us or hate us. But they are the haters, and we are trying to live better lives.

Don't focus on those people. There are fewer of them out there than you may think. Most people probably never think of it, and maybe a few others wonder how they can help, but feel like they don't want to intrude.

trudgingagain

LOL, Enough! AND...what a great attitude, SHH...love it!And....JTTM...isn't this disease better than cancer, or diabetes, or ????? Although, my mother actually DID die from alcoholism. Keep the faith and just put one foot in front of the other