11th night
11th night
I CAN NOT believe i made it here. Yet here I sit, sober. My trigger time is from 5-6 since that is when I always bought my beer and started drinking around 6, earlier if I bought 12. Once i make it past 6pm, it is like a relief that I made it even tho I could still go to the store, I know I won't.
past 6 I deal with boredom, and remembering things I did drunk. I am learning more and more each day about letting go of the past and how to push those thoughts around instead of vice versa.
More and more my thoughts on things I could be doing, that I couldn't do drinking. I haven't actually started doing many of them but it gives me some strength just thinking I CAN do things sober, that I couldn't do drunk.
I remember my first couple of posts, and people replying they were a week in, or 10 days and I was just amazed, and it made me sad because I didn't think I would be able to get there, I never have before.
The difference was SR and you fine folks.
past 6 I deal with boredom, and remembering things I did drunk. I am learning more and more each day about letting go of the past and how to push those thoughts around instead of vice versa.
More and more my thoughts on things I could be doing, that I couldn't do drinking. I haven't actually started doing many of them but it gives me some strength just thinking I CAN do things sober, that I couldn't do drunk.
I remember my first couple of posts, and people replying they were a week in, or 10 days and I was just amazed, and it made me sad because I didn't think I would be able to get there, I never have before.
The difference was SR and you fine folks.
Thanks everybody I learn more and more each day, about myself. I feel good about the rest of the weekend. Come monday on the drive home from work tho, I may have to pull over and post from my phone. That is still the hardest time for my AV, but each day I get stronger and IT gets weaker...but I know he will spring forth with a vengeance on that ride home.
Great job Mikie! You will see that every day gets easier. I'm nearly 4 weeks sober and it is sooo much easier than the first week or two was. I can't wait until you hit 4 weeks...I'm looking forward to seeing how excited you will be. I know you will succeed!
Congrats! The thoughts DO get easier to manage but, in my experience, it isn't ALL bad to have some embarrassment or bad memories. They help to keep you sober, or at least they do me. Just learn to put them in their compartment and keep on keeping on. Don't let them run your life!
I understand what you are saying Jill, and I agree. I don't want to forget what lead me to quitting. But the first few days it was nothing but my mind beating me up for being so stupid, for not being stronger. Being smacked in the face moment after moment with reality in those first few days was painful, and I never want to forget that pain. Ever.
But I am glad I am learning how to give those thoughts respect, but not let them punish me any longer. When one pops up I let it finish, and then think about it. So far in general I agree with the thoughts, and then think, "but not any longer", and put the thought away. Little by little each day, the thoughts seem to be staying in their place, and allowing my mind to focus more on what I can be doing, now, instead of what I have done. This has been the hardest thing for me to learn how to do, and I still have lots of room in this ole noggin of mine for positive thoughts and actions.
On night 11, I have given myself a chance for a life the drunk me so desperately wanted, even just wanted the chance to live since when I am drunk I don;t even have the chance.
But I am glad I am learning how to give those thoughts respect, but not let them punish me any longer. When one pops up I let it finish, and then think about it. So far in general I agree with the thoughts, and then think, "but not any longer", and put the thought away. Little by little each day, the thoughts seem to be staying in their place, and allowing my mind to focus more on what I can be doing, now, instead of what I have done. This has been the hardest thing for me to learn how to do, and I still have lots of room in this ole noggin of mine for positive thoughts and actions.
On night 11, I have given myself a chance for a life the drunk me so desperately wanted, even just wanted the chance to live since when I am drunk I don;t even have the chance.
Hey malcolm, I will have an extra 1 tomorrow if you need it Some use the term stoked around here too, of course it sounds different because it has 2 syllables in the south :p
Stay strong friend, I told you we would get thru this together!
Stay strong friend, I told you we would get thru this together!
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